


You and I, Just the Two of us

by Prettyyoungtragedy



Series: You and I, Just the two of us [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Universe, F/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:30:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 76,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettyyoungtragedy/pseuds/Prettyyoungtragedy
Summary: The reader is reeling from a life changing event, a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…





	1. Love hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I decided to do an Alternate Universe! Its my first time writing one, I am rather excited so I sinceeeerely hope you all drop me some feedback, because I god damn love writing!!

“Y/N!” a voice called from behind you, you slowed down your pace and hopped slightly from foot to foot trying to keep up your body temperature in icy New York cold, it was your best friend Natasha. She never jogged with you in the mornings, so you were quite surprised to see her in workout attire jogging towards you.

“Hey Nat,” you respond giving her a quick hug,

“Thought I’d join you today,” she smiled, taking a spot to you right as you both began to jog down the pathway,

“You hate jogging,” you pointed out, you knew Nat was only here because of what day it was, and she wanted to make sure you were okay.

“I mean I don’t hate it, I just prefer less strenuous forms of exercise” Natasha replied, stretching her arms as she jogged in her bright pink parka and black tights.

You just shrugged and then fell into a comfortable jogging rhythm. Jogging had always cleared your mind, it was sort of comforting, especially in the crisp cool morning air.

Natasha made small conversation as you continued your run, you could see she was hankering to ask you if you were okay, but she was avoiding the topic entirely and after the run, she suggested you go for breakfast.

Once seated at a table in the warm bistro, you listen quietly to Natasha babble on about her fiancé Bruce and his upcoming event which both of you should attend, but your mind was only paying half attention to what she was saying.

“Y/N? are you listening?” She says snapping her manicured fingers in front of your face,

“Oh, shit sorry, what were you saying,” you say apologetically, snapping out of your thoughts

Natasha sighed, “I’m sorry, I have to ask but are you okay Y/N?”

“I’m fine Nat,” you respond, taking a sip of your latte in front of you nonchalantly,

“Are you sure, because I know today was supposed to be your,” she started but you cut her off

“Nat, I really don’t want to think about it okay, I said I’m fine”, you said, almost annoyed with her, but you stopped yourself. There was no point in getting irritated with her, she was only trying to make sure you were okay.

You both were quiet for a moment, then Nat broke the silence, “You should come over for dinner tonight,” she suggested “Bruce is making his famous lasagna,” she grinned, knowing how much you loved spending time with Bruce as you were both in similar fields at work but also because he was one of the easiest people to get along with, and his lasagna was truly great.

“I was actually thinking of staying in tonight, it’s been such a long week at work, Tony has me working overtime on this new eco project,” you said, knowing trying to get out of this invite was futile because Natasha was one of the most insistent people you knew. 

“Oh, shut up, you’re coming, you don’t even have to bring anything.” She retorted, and you knew that was that, you were going.

You were appreciative of Natasha being so demanding sometimes, the two of you had been friends since high school. She was the frivolous carefree charismatic student body president type at Rutgers and graduated to become a magazine editor for the New Yorker and you in your quiet reserved way, had graduated from Rutgers university as one of the foremost scientists in nuclear physics and landed a job at Stark industries, one of the leaders in clean energy. You were an odd pair, but you had always been there for each other through thick and thin.

“So should we do some shopping on this fine Saturday morning?” Nat asked you, as you both finished up breakfast,

“Ugh, Nat, please don’t make me go shopping with you,” You groaned, you loved her but she had a genuine shopaholic problem.

“Oh, come on! We haven’t spent any time together lately!” She whined, “You’re always stuck in that lab of yours,”

“I have some work to take care of,” You chuckled as you see her pull an annoyed face,

“I call bullshit!” She snorted, “But fine, I’ll just go shopping with Wanda.”

You roll your eyes at her, Wanda was a mutual friend, but she was an upper east side princess. Which sort of annoyed you, she loved the glamourous life and Natasha and she got along famously, you though, not so much.

“Have fun with that,” You replied, gathering up your things, “I am going home to have a hot shower and enjoy the rest of my Saturday with my work,”

“But I’ll see you tonight, right?” Nat said pointedly,

“Yes, Natasha Romanoff, I will be at your place for dinner at 7 o’clock.” You said dryly.

With a satisfied nod from her, you and Natasha exchange goodbyes and you step out of the toasty bistro and into the icy morning air. As you walk down the block towards your apartment, you were suddenly almost bowled by a tall muscular guy, wearing a navy-blue parka. His face almost covered by the ski mask he wore, but beneath his cap all you saw were his dazzling blue eyes.

“Hey!” you exclaimed as he brushed passed you not even stopping to see if you were okay, “Thanks asshole!” you call after him picking up your belongings you had dropped on the floor and, flipping him off as he marched away in front of you. 

You contemplated going after the guy and giving him a piece of your mind, but you didn’t have the energy today to deal with any drama. So instead you hurriedly walked back to your apartment, ready to get out of the now sleeting weather, as soon as you reach your apartment door you feel your heart sinking again. It was all well and good that you spent almost 20 hours of your day at the lab but coming home always flooded you with memories of him, you hated yourself for not moving out of this apartment and moving on, but your heart was still aching for him. Luke Charles had broken you heart and pretty much ripped your soul out of you when he left you for another woman 365 days ago, you were engaged, and today would have been the day of your wedding.

As you walk into the dark apartment, you gaze around at the remnants of your old relationship. You didn’t have the heart to get rid of all the stuff in it, all the stuff you had gotten together. You had turned all the pictures around but not taken them off the wall, you couldn’t bring yourself to close that chapter of your life. Because he had not given you closure, he left you in the middle of the night with just a text saying he needed to get out, it was too much for him and he had met someone else he loved and wanted to build a life with. You hadn’t seen him since then, no contact, nothing.

Your friends were there for you and had tried to get you to move out, and move on but your heart was still firmly attached to this place, and to Luke. Even after what he had done, you couldn’t believe he, the soft natured, loving generous person that he was could abandon you after four years of being together.

You sighed and flipped the lights on, casting a warm glow across the cream and brown living room. you walk into the kitchen and immediately pour yourself a glass of wine, you needed it, because just this morning before your run you had found the invite to your wedding in a box you thought you had hidden away at the back of your cupboard, and that was now sending you into a grief spiral again.

Suddenly your phone rang on the counter, the chiming of the ringtone echoing through the kitchen. Grabbing it off the counter, you see the screen light up in bold letters, James Buchanan Barnes.

You groaned, knowing that this was a phone call you were avidly avoiding today of all days. James had been your friend since university, he and Natasha dated for a while before they spilt, less amicably that you would have liked but you adored James, so it was only natural that you remained friends with him even though him and Natasha split. They had tried to reconcile a few times but failed miserably so just opted to be tolerant acquaintances for your sake.

James had been the angriest then Luke left you, he vowed if he had to ever see him again he would kill him, and you genuinely believed him, because he was a built like a brick shithouse.

“Hello James,” you answer, anticipating his worried voice over the receiver,

“Y/N, hey!” his husky cheery voice sounded through the phone, hearing his voice cheered you up a little. He had been a source of comfort through this period in your life, trying his utmost to keep you happy and healthy.

“What’s up?” you ask,

“Are you home?” he replied,

“Yeah, I just got home, I am assuming you are on your way here?” You said, taking a sip of the cold wine,

“Yes, I am walking up the stairs as we speak,” he chuckled, “See you in two seconds,” then he hung up,

Sure enough, a minute later you hear the front door open and James walked in, “Y/N?” he called out,

“In the kitchen,” you responded, taking out a beer from the fridge already knowing he was going to ask for one,

James walked into the kitchen, pulling of his black parka, gloves and scarf. “God damn, its cold out there” he said tossing his items of clothing on the counter, and coming over to give you a hug.

“Hey buddy,” he says softly giving you a peck on the cheek, “You doin’ okay?”

You gave him a small smile, “As well as I will ever be I guess,” was your timid response,

James nodded sympathetically, and took the beer you offered him, he wasn’t going to dwell on the subject, so he distracted you, “Oh hey, did I tell you I bumped into that Wanda girl a bar the other day,”

You both took a seat at the kitchen table, “No, no you did not tell me that,”

He whistles, “That girl is a piece of work, she is all kinds of bat shit crazy.” He says, grinning devilishly,

“Ugh, James please don’t tell me you are sleeping with her, because my delicate constitution cannot handle that level of gross right now.” You respond, making a disgusted face at him.

James laughed gleefully, “Well, yes and no, I fucked her… once” he paused “Okay maybe twice,”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you groaned facepalming yourself, “Of all the women in the upper east side, throwing themselves at you, you just HAD to sleep with her!”

James laughed again, “Wait that’s not even the kicker, she now genuinely believes I want to be in a relationship with her,”

You sighed loudly, knowing that this whole situation was going to end up royally screwing you all over because he wasn’t wrong, Wanda was bat shit fucking crazy.

“So, I have been avoiding her calls and texts like the plague, but man that girl is relentless. Any ideas on how I can escape her, you know her pretty well?” He continued,

“ugh, my god you are disgusting.” Was your only response, “You’re on your own there pal, she doesn’t like me.”

“Ah come on, don’t leave me out in the cold like that, help a guy out.” He bargained, chuckling

You chuckled with him, shaking your head.

James had a way of making every situation so lighthearted and fun, you loved having him around for that reason. It was so easy being yourself around him, he never pressed you with questions about your feelings or how you were or pestered you to move out and on, he just simply wanted you to be happy. And that was the only kind of friend you needed right now.

“So, what are our plans for the day?” he asks you, sipping his beer.

You loved how he just invited himself into your plans for the day without asking, “Well, I have some work to do, and then Nat invited me for dinner. Bruce is making lasagna,” you replied,

“Oooh, I want to come for Bruce’s lasagna,” James said, faking excitement 

“No, what are you up to James?” you say narrowing your eyes at him,

“Oh, come on, I want to see Nat and you know I love Bruce, and all his nerdy glory,” James laughed at his own comment,

“You’re the worst, but fine come if you want to but don’t get mad when you don’t get what you want,” you replied, polishing off the wine in your glass,

“it’s a Saturday, why are you working?” he asked genuinely perplexed by this, changing the topic,

“Because,” you say standing up, “Unlike some of us who have rich daddy’s who pay for our lifestyle, I have to work to earn a living” and walking to the living room,

James snorted, “Hey, I can’t help it if I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth,” he followed you to the living room, “I’ll pay your rent this month if you skip work today and just hang out with me,”

You scoffed at him, and sat down at your desk opening your laptop. You already had 42 emails to answer. “Come on, Y/N!” James whined, “Leave your sciencey stuff for a day, lets go to Rockefeller Center and see all the Christmas lights!”

“It’s the middle of the morning,” you retort, scrolling through your emails as he continued to shoot ideas at you,

“Lets go to 5th avenue then, I’ll take you to Bergdorfs and buy you …leggings?” he said, still trying to get you to budge.

“Really? Leggings?” you laughed mockingly looking up at him, as he leaned against your work desk.

“Okay, whatever you want,” James said pleadingly, giving you puppy dog eyes,

“Alright, well then I want to go to the Museum of Natural History,” you said gleefully knowing he would never agree to it.

You saw his face fall for a second then to your amazement he agreed, “Okay, lets go to the Museum of Natural History”,

You and James spent the rest of the day at the Museum of Natural History, he was bored senseless but he entertained your talk on space and time and history for hours on end. By late afternoon you had ended up in the planetarium, laying on the viewing deck looking up at the model of the constellations before you,

“Beautiful isn’t it,” you said softly

“Yeah,” was his equally soft reply, but he wasn’t looking at the constellations before you.

After almost an hour of comfortable silence between the two of you, you turned to him, “We should probably get going, if we are going to make it to Natasha’s by 7,” you say getting up,

James agreed, and the two of you made your way out of the museum. James’ town car was waiting outside for the two of you as soon as you stepped out of the museum.

“So should we go straight there?” He asked, opening the car door for you

“I suppose, but ugh I didn’t bring anything,” you groaned, remembering that Natasha was the kind of person to invite you for dinner and then complain If you dint at least bring her some bourgeoisie bottle of champagne or something,

“I already took care of that,” James said, motioning for you to get into the car, “Artur stopped by the house and picked up a bottle of Dom for her,” 

You smiled at him, even after all this time, James still knew Natasha so well, “Alright then I guess let’s head straight there.”

When you arrived at the Manhattan townhouse that Bruce and Natasha shared, you were feeling somewhat glum. The house next door, was the one Luke and you were going to move into soon after your wedding, this neighborhood haunted you sometimes, all the future plans that were made, now clung to it like a dark cloud.

James seemed to notice the change in your demeanor, “Hey, you okay?” he asked, putting his arm around your shoulder,

“Yeah,” you sighed, “Just all this, brings back memories I guess,”

“Ah, you’ll be alright,” He assured you with a grin, “Let’s go drink all of Natasha’s good alcohol,” he said ringing the bell excitedly.

Natasha opened the door enthusiastically, “Yay! You’re here,” she exclaims, then pauses when she sees James,

“Hey, Bucky…” She says, her facial expression changing slightly, as if her excitement diminished a little.

“Hello Tash,” he said softly giving her a warm smile, and a peck on the cheek.

Natasha was the only person either than his mom to call James by his second name, Buchanan or rather Bucky for short, she was the only other person he would let call him Bucky.

Nat led the way inside, thanking James for the bottle of champagne profusely as it was her favorite. She bagan animatedly talking about her day to you as she led you to the kitchen where Bruce was preparing dinner.

“Darling,” she called out to him, “Y/N and Bucky are here,”

Bruce emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dishcloth, “Hey Y/N, James,” he said coming over to exchange greetings with a warm smile,

Bruce was always the softest kindest person you had ever met, him and Natasha were opposites but worked so well together.

“I am so ready for that lasagna” you say, accepting the glass of champagne Nat handed to you, the food smelled heavenly.

“It tastes amazing,” Nat chimed in, handing James a glass of champagne as well, it was kind of her dinner party tradition to only serve champagne, it was weird, but you weren’t complaining as you sipped on the crisp beverage.

“Shall we sit?” James asks, motioning to the dining room,

“How’s work?” Bruce asks you, as you all take a seat at the dining room table,

“Ah it’s good, Starks got me working on nanomolecular energy development, its quite a big project for our department,” you replied. Bruce worked for Stark industries as well, just a different division.

“That’s great to hear, seems the idea is to run on clean energy by the end of the year,” Bruce began but Nat interrupted him,

“Come on guys, no shop talk!” she chided,

You couldn’t help but laugh, Natasha had no idea what half of the stuff you and Bruce spoke about, meant.

It felt good to be with your friends that evening, as it went on, Nat and James shared stories of recent events in their lives and Bruce adding a few comments here and there. You just enjoyed listening to it all, taking your mind of the stained memory of what today meant.

“Thanks for a great evening, Nat” you said, hiccupping drunkenly, as Bruce let you and James out well past midnight, “Ugh I love the two of you,” you exclaimed throwing your arms around both simultaneously.

Nat was a little too incoherently drunk at this point to even respond properly, so she just hugged you tighter.

“And we love you too,” Bruce replied, smiling and returning your affection, “you’ll get her home safe, right?” he says to James behind you,

He nodded, “Yes sir,”

You stumbled next to James as he led you to his town car, and sat you in the backseat beside him.

You lean tiredly against his chest, “James,” you mumbled,

“Yes Y/N?”

“Thank you for today,” you slur,

“Of course, anything for you,” he replied gently, kissing the top of your head,

“It still makes me sad,” you sighed sadly, pulling him closer to you in an embrace,

“I know it does, sweetheart” James replied in a kind voice,

“James?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Do you love me?” you asked drunkenly, James knew you probably wouldn’t remember this in the morning when he answered,

“I do, very much so,” he replied tenderly,

You sighed, seemingly content in his embrace, “I love you too James, you make my days better”

He smiled at your confession, knowing it meant more to him than it did to you.


	2. Boys, Boys, Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event, a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Alternate Universes so if you guys have any feedback for me, please give me some?

The next morning, you awoke with a mouth as dry as cotton. You knew you weren’t in your bed, you could feel body warmth beside you, you open one eye and glance at the side table. You sort of remember being at Natasha’s house for dinner last night, but you don’t remember leaving.

You see a pair of men’s sneakers strewn on the floor, and you realize you are at James’ place. His black jacket is on the chair nearby and so are his pants. Your heart starts hammering and you silently pray that you didn’t do anything reckless last night, you peak under the covers and breathe a sigh of relief seeing that you are wearing one of his large t-shirts.

“Don’t worry, nothing happened.” James says huskily beside you,

You turn slowly to face him, he is devastatingly handsome in the morning, his ice blue eyes glinting in the morning light, his black hair messy and falling into his eyes. 

 

“Morning,” he smiled at you,

You groaned and covered your face with the sheets, “Ugh I feel like shit,” you mutter, semi embarrassed that you had obviously gotten so drunk James had to take you to his place, instead of yours.

“Yeah, alcohol will do that to you,” James chuckled getting out of bed, you look at him from the corner of your eye, his naked torso muscular torso rippling as he stretched at the edge of the bed. A blush crept into your cheeks and you quickly look away. What the hell was wrong with you, you thought.

“Breakfast?” James asked you, pulling on a black t-shirt and shorts,

“Oh god yes,” you heartily agree throwing the covers off and getting out of the bed,

You stumbled a little realizing you were still kind of drunk from last night, “Whoa there,” James chuckled, “You okay?”

You nodded, standing up straight trying to be as sober as possible, but you knew that it was futile, he could see through your façade.

“Y/N, are you still drunk?” He asked, you held back your giddy laughter and James just looked at you with a massive grin on his face,

“I think I am still drunk,” you burst out laughing, the alcohol in your system making you giddily happy.

A few minutes later, you were in the kitchen on James’ sprawling Park Avenue apartment, whipping up breakfast. It was so natural, the chemistry between the two of you, you stood beside him whisking the eggs and talking animatedly. Something you hadn’t done in a very long time, James stood beside slowly cutting ingredients for an omlette, gazing at you with a smile on his face.

It had been a long time since he had seen you acting like yourself, and it made him happy to see you returning to normal again.

“And so that’s how all the nanomolecular system works,” you finish off your sentence, walking over to the stove and toss the eggs into the hot pan,

You turn around and see James just staring at you, “What?” you ask suddenly feeling self-conscious in the plain grey t-shirt you only wore.

James shook his head, picked up the bowl in front of him, brining it to the stove and tossed the ingredients in. Then he looked at you, biting his lip, he moved closer to you backing you up against the counter,

“James…” you breathed, your heart thundering as his lustful gaze pierced you.

His muscular body now pressed against yours, he brought his faces centimeters away from yours. James suddenly grabbed your legs and lifted you onto the counter, “James, what are you doing,” you whisper breathlessly, his ice blue eyes enticing you.

“Running with it…” he replied, his voice dark and lustful,

You knew you shouldn’t be doing this, you weren’t ready for this. You weren’t over Luke yet, but here and now you relished James’ touch, it had been so long.

James’ slowly ran his mouth across your exposed neck, you shiver beneath his touch and bring your hands up to his hair. He kissed your neck softly but leaving a small hickey after every kiss, you close your eyes savoring the sensation it brought you. James brought his hand to your mouth and ran his thumb across your slightly parted lips, as he continued to kiss your neck and shoulders, tilting your head, exposing your neck more.

His other hand, slowly drifting beneath the hem of his t-shirt that you wore. he was almost hesitating, waiting for you to stop him and when you didn’t he pulled you closer and brought his mouth to yours, kissing you, trailing his tongue on your lower lip. James was gentle, sensual and incredibly arousing, as he broke away from the kiss for a moment, gazing into your eyes.

Something primal in you snapped and you began to tug his shirt off, it was wrong and right all at the same time. James’ hand moved along your inner thigh, stopping at your core, but before he could do anything else, the door to the kitchen burst open and to your mortification his mother and younger sister walked in. James pulled away from you and you immediately jump of the counter, covering yourself up, feeling incredibly embarrassed.

“Oh my,” his mother gasped and looked between the two of you, with a sudden smile on her face.

“Mom! Becca! What are you doing here?!” James’ exclaimed, grabbing his shirt and struggling to pull it back on.

“Did you forget our Sunday brunch?” She said, sighing

His sister looking between the two of you, grinning widely.

“Ah crap, Ma. I’m sorry, I was busy last night I forgot to call,” he replied scratching the back of his head

You stood behind the island counter, feeling incredibly self-conscious. You had never met James’ mother or sister, only heard stories from him. They never came to his place in New York as they lived out in the Hamptons,

His mother looked at you, and smile. “Hello, I am Lara, James’ mother”

“Becca, his sister, but I assume you gathered that,” his sister chimed in,

“Oh yeah, this is Y/N,” James said distractedly,

“Hello,” you mumbled, awkwardly tugging at the hem of the t-shirt in the hopes of hiding your semi nakedness. “Uh James, I think I should go,” you say quickly, hoping to get out of this awkward situation as fast as possible. Thankfully he was on the same page as you and nodded as you both scrambled out of the kitchen, escaping his mother and sisters gaze.

“Y/N, I am so sorry” James apologized for the tenth time as you quickly got dressed,

“It’s fine,” you give him a curt response, it wasn’t his fault that his mother had just walked in on you two about to have sex. It was the whole situation that had begun to dawn on you, what the hell were you thinking.

“Can I at least let Artur drive you home?” he said, running his hand through his dark hair

“No it’s okay, I’ll just take a cab” you wave him off, he lived in Manhattan and you in Brooklyn it wasn’t that far.

He tried to protest but you shut him down, and gathered your things letting him lead you out of the apartment.

James gave you a kiss on the cheek as you got into the cab, “I’ll see you soon?” he said, almost asking,

“Yeah sure,” you respond vaguely, and then shut the door, telling the driver where to go.

James watched you go, not knowing whether he still had a friend in you or not, cursing himself for what he had done.

_______________________

The next week flies by, its Friday night and you are sitting in the lab hard at work on your latest research. You had avidly avoided James after what had happened over the weekend, you realize it was a moment of weakness because of the significance of the weekend. You were lonely and emotional, and you had let that get the better of you.

Your phone starts buzzing beside you, it was Natasha.

“Hello Nat,” you say into the receiver

“Y/N,” she practically sings into the phone, “Are you still at work?

“I am,” you reply,

“Ok well get your ass home and change into something cute, we are going out!” she half yelled,

“Agh, Natasha no please don’t make me go out” You groan,

“No, I am not hearing excuses I haven’t seen you all week! Go home and get dressed I will see you in 20 minutes.” With that Nat hung up the phone, leaving you staring at your phone. You should really start putting your foot down with her, you thought to yourself.

You groaned loudly and slumped your head onto the desk, it was only 7:30PM on a Friday, all you wanted to do was escape your life and immerse yourself in your work, but you knew that was not happening tonight. With a sigh you stood up and took off your white lab coat, hanging it up before you exited the lab and headed home.

An hour later, you found yourself being led into a swanky bar in the upper east side by Nat, she wore a stunning bright yellow dress that hugged her figure, she was turning heads the second you walked into the bar. You on the other hand had dressed casual in a simple, jeans and white cropped sweater, with sneakers. You didn’t think you would be going to anything this fancy.

Bruce was already at the table when you had arrived and had ordered you a drink.

“This place is so crowded,” you moaned to him, when you sat down,

“Yeah but it’s great,” He replied with a chuckle, which surprised you since Bruce wasn’t really a fan of partying.

“Come on, Y/N let loose!” Nat says, raising her glass to cheers you, “I haven’t seen you all week, you are so scarce.”

“Yeah, works been hectic,” you lie, taking a sip of your drink.

Just then your phone and you looked down at it, It was James.

‘Can I see you?’. The simple sentence sent your heart racing, you shoved your phone back into your bag and gulped your drink down. Determined to stay away from James, you looked at Nat,

“I say we do some shots?” you say to her, she looks at you amazed and then quickly recovers and signals a waiter who comes over and she orders 6 different shots of the menu,

Bruce is talking quietly to Natasha and over the blaring music you can’t hear what they are saying, suddenly Nat looks at you with a look that you knew meant she had done something bad.

“Oh god what did you do Natasha?” you demand across the table,

She laughs nervously and looks to Bruce for support, he nods “Might as well tell her before he gets here,” Bruce says to Nat,

Your heart dropped for a moment you thought that they had invited James out as well, and you were well and ready to make an excuse and leave, but you waited to hear what Natasha had to say, “Before who gets here?” You demand,

“Okay, Y/N before you get mad at me, just hear me out.” Nat started, “So Bruce invited a friend of his to join us tonight, also to sort of meet you,”

You groaned, “Natashaaaaaa is this a blind date?”

“Kind of…” she shrugged apologetically, “I only did it because I really think its time you started dating again babe,”

You sighed and thankfully the waiter arrived in time and set the tray of shots down on the table and you immediately grab one and down it. “What’s his name? what does he look like? Do I have a choice?” you asked Nat and Bruce looking at them annoyed,

“His name is Steve,” Bruce said,

“He is devilishly handsome,” Nat added, grinning at you, which got an eye roll from Bruce,

“And no, you don’t have a choice because here he comes” she hissed at you and then waved at someone behind you.

You heart rate spiked as the mysterious Steve walked up to the table.

Natasha and Bruce stood up to greet him, and when you looked at him your mouth almost fell open in shock.

 

He stood well over 6 feet, and he was built like a brick shithouse. a gorgeous smile plastered on his face. He wore a plain light blue shirt and beige slacks, his chest muscles protuberant through the tautness of the shirt. But it was his face that had you basically stop breathing, he was overwhelmingly attractive. Blonde hair, cut short, the bluest eyes you had ever seen and a jaw that looked like it could cut through diamonds. There was something familiar about him that you just couldn’t put your finger on.

Natasha had obviously seen you face, and she quickly introduced you to him.

“Steve, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Steve” she said, gesturing between the two of you,

“Hi,” he said extending his hand with a stunning smile on his face,

 

Natasha nudged you when you hadn’t responded, “Oh Hi, uh hello.” You say gawkily, shaking his hand,

After pleasantries were exchanged, Steve took a seat beside you and ordered a beer.

“So, it’s nice to finally meet you, Y/N” he says turning to you, “Bruce and Nat have told me so much about you,”

“Oh dear god, I am scared to ask what they told you,” you lightly chuckled,

“Only good things,” Steve replied, chortling.

“Steve sort of works with me,” Nat said,

That’s when it clicked where you had seen him before, Steve was on billboards, in magazines and had graced the cover of Forbes magazine for 30 under 30.

You looked at Natasha, a little dumbstruck, but you didn’t say anything instead you smiled at him,

“Ah, that’s why Natasha’s never mentioned you, she never tells me about work.” You joked,

Of course, Natasha had mentioned him, several times to you. you didn’t know she was dropping hint because she wanted to se you up with him.

Steve chuckled, “And what do you do?” he asked,

“Oh, nothing as interesting as working for the New Yorker, I work at Stark industries in R and D for nanomolecular energy.”

Steve whistled, “You’re a scientist?”

“Something like that I guess,” you shrugged,

“Well I can cross meeting a scientist off my bucket list,” he said charmingly,

“hey man, I’m sitting right here.” Bruce chided, with a chuckle.

Steve was enthralling, he was charming, and sweet and chivalrous throughout the evening. He kept your drink topped up and the two of you got lost in conversation, almost forgetting Bruce and Natasha were there. Nat noticed this and made up an excuse for her and Bruce to leave,

She yawned loudly, “I think its time for us to get going darling,” she said to Bruce, who knew what she was doing and put on the façade with her,

“Yeah, you know us old couples, can’t be out till too late,” he added for good measure,

You rolled your eyes at them, knowing what they were doing. Steve looked at you, waiting to see if you were leaving with them, you were tempted to leave but Steve was showing you such a good time, you would feel bad if you cut the night short.

“Get home safe guys,” You say, hinting that you were staying, and a grin broke out on Natasha’s face,

“You two have fun then,” She said giving you a quick hug and bidding Steve goodnight as well,

“Get her home safe,” Bruce said to Steve, after saying good night.

As Nat and Bruce left, you looked at Steve, “So, where shall we go next?” you asked, smiling at him.

He smiled back at you, his eyes lighting up. “Well, its only 11:30, and I still haven’t seen the Rockefeller Center Christmas lights,” he said,

You hadn’t gone to the Rockefeller Center Christmas decorations since you broke up with Luke, it was your tradition to do so. Luke would always make a big deal about going to have dinner at the center and the two of you would give each other an early Christmas gift. You heart stopped for a moment when he mentioned it, but not wanting to put a damper on the night you plastered a smile on your face and agreed. It was time for you to move on from Luke, you couldn’t wallow forever.

Steve drove the two of you two the center, as you were expecting he drove an exceedingly fancy black Mercedes Benz and you had to ask,

“I have a question?” You say from the passenger seat, turning to look at him,

“Shoot,” he responds,

“I am assuming you are the Steven Grant Rogers? Actor, Model, philanthropist?” You say,

Steve laughs mirthfully, “I suppose I am,”

“And how exactly do you know Natasha again?”

“She directed my New Yorker magazine cover.” He replied, “She’s easy to get along with, we became fast friends a year ago actually.”

You frowned, Nat hadn’t mentioned him before which was weird for her, but you assumed she didn’t because you were with Luke back then.

“of course, she did,” you chuckled, picturing Natasha directing Steve’s magazine cover shoot. It was hilarious.

A few moments later, Steve pulled into the parking lot near the center and you both got out. The lights as always were spectacular and all the snow around it made it even more beautiful. Steve waked beside you as you made your way to the center, marveling at all the lights. A dull ache in your chest when the memories of this place came flooding back to you.

“Let’s grab some hot chocolate,” Steve suggested, and you just nodded in agreement afraid if you spoke your voice would betray your evident sadness.

Walking over to one of the barista’s Steve began to tell you about his life, and where he grew up. funnily enough it was in Brooklyn,

“I still go home to my mother’s place in Brooklyn,” he said, thanking the barista and handing you a piping hot cup of hot chocolate, which you accepted gratefully because you were starting to freeze.

“Where are you from?” he asked you,

“Oh, originally I’m from Baltimore, I grew up there, I moved to New York to attend Rutgers” you reply, taking a sip of the steaming beverage,

The conversation continued as you both shared your pasts with each other, Steve was easy to talk to. Being here with him made this whole experience easier, it was almost one in the morning when the two of you decided to leave. Steve drove you home and being the gentleman, he was, he got out the car and walked you up to your apartment.

“Funny, I used to live in this exact building a few years ago,” he said,

“Really, which floor?” you ask, walking into the building with him,

“The 6th floor,”

“I’m on the 12th” you say, hitting the elevator button as you both stopped at its doors,

“So…” Steve says awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, “Thanks for tonight, it’s been a real pleasure getting to know you Y/N.” he said,

“Yeah, you’re definitely not what I expected Steve Rogers,” you laughed a little,

“Can I see you again?” Steve asked, looking at you almost pleadingly, extending his phone to you to add your number.

“Sure,” you reply and then take it and punch in you number and handed it back to him.

A big grin broke out on Steve’s face as you did so, “Goodnight Y/N” he said, giving you a soft kiss on the cheek,

“Good night Steve,” you reply, as the elevator dings on the landing and you get in. Feeling like a giddy high schooler with a crush.


	3. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…
> 
> Flowers, a possible new relationship and Christmas eve!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me feedback if you enjoyed it!

It was 6am Monday morning, you were rushing out the front door of your apartment, balancing your handbag, laptop case, and research files. You were going to be late for a meeting with Tony if you didn’t rush, and he hated tardiness.

Your phone was buzzing in your pocket repeatedly, you had to ignore it as you rush outside into the cold December morning air, and head towards the subway. Tony had offered you a company car multiple times, but you turned it down, you hated being stuck in the New York morning rush hour and the subway was more efficient in getting you to and from work.

Twenty minutes later, you walk into your lab at Stark Tower, and dump all your items on your desk.

“You have 10 minutes” Maria Hill your colleague called out to you as she walked passed, knowing you had a meeting at 6:30Am,

“Thanks Maria,” you call after her sarcastically and quickly gather up all your files and head to the elevator. When you arrived at the boardroom, Tony and Bruce were already there, discussing their latest project.

“Just in time!” Tony says when he sees you,

“Morning,” you greet them and take a seat at the table, knowing Tony had a million other things to go over so he would want to make this snappy.

Tony went over budgets and other developments with you and Bruce, and he informed you that he would be joining your divisions from the new year, saying it only made sense to have his two top researchers working in the same field just work together. You were delighted by this as you couldn’t wait to work with Bruce, he was fantastic at his job.

The meeting ends and Tony excuses himself, Bruce walks you out and back to your lab.

“So, how was the rest of your night with Steve?” He asks you,

“It was surprisingly fun,” you reply, thinking back to the lovely night you had with Steve. You had gone home and felt giddy all weekend because of you time with him, it was annoyingly fun.

“Good to hear, will you see him again?” Bruce pried

“I might,” you throw him a look, “Are you asking for Natasha?”

Bruce laughed, “ah you know how she is, she needs all the details, give her a call or she will hound me for information,” he said, shaking head,

You sighed, you loved Natasha, but she was so insistent sometimes. “I’ll text her sometime today,” you say to Bruce as you walk into the lab, “Hey, did you meet Steve before?” you ask Bruce,

“Yeah, I have met him, a few times,” Bruce replied taking a seat,

You frowned, “How come Nat never introduced us before?”

“Well with everything that you were going through she didn’t know if it was the right time,” he explained,

“Makes sense, I guess” you say,

A few more minutes of conversation with Bruce and then he excused, himself to work and you sat at your desk going through some research. You plug in your iPod and turn the volume up, whenever you worked you would immerse yourself in music,

The lab was empty as most of your colleagues were out on assignment or had stepped away from their desks. So, you hadn’t heard Maria come bustling in, practically squealing with excitement,

“Y/N, oh my god” she almost shouted in your face,

Startling you, you pull your headphones out and look up at her in confusion. She held a massive bouquet of almost 50 white roses, waving the card in your face.

“These are for you!” Maria said excitedly, handing you the card,

You hesitated for a moment, there was only one person who knew how much you loved white roses and you silently prayed that the flowers were not from Luke. Taking the card from Maria you looked at it, and immediately smiled,

‘Thank you for an amazing evening, you haven’t left my mind since’

S Grant Rogers.

“Oh my god! Y/N did you go on a date with Steve Rogers?!” Maria gasped excitedly,

You smiled wider, and just looked at her, not wanting to give anything away. “You did, oh my god, oh my god, I am freaking out for you!” She squealed grabbing your hands and jumping around with you,

“Maria, relax” you laughed, “It was a few drinks, Natasha and Bruce were there, it wasn’t a date.”

“Good god, don’t down play this! He was number 1 on Forbes list, and he is so incredibly gorgeous!” she gasped, being overly dramatic.

You laughed at her dramatics, “I don’t even know if he likes me,” you shrug, you weren’t sure if you were ready to let someone new into your life. You had only just now begun to get try and get over Luke.

Maria looked at you like you were crazy, “The man sent you 50 white roses and basically said he can’t stop thinking about you, and you aren’t sure if he likes you.” she said grabbing the card from you hard, “This is like shouting it from the rooftops!”

“Okay, okay let me get back to work,” You reply not wanting to get into this with Maria, who just sighs and then picks up the flowers

“I’ll put this in water for you,” she says, “I am so jealous!” and then she leaves.

The rest of the day goes by rather quickly, but you are unable to concentrate on work. The beautiful bouquet of white roses now displayed on your desk in front of you, all your female colleagues gushing over it when Maria told them who it was from, everyone asking relentless questions. They all knew about what had happened with Luke, and had been cautious around you since it happened, in a small way it finally felt like your life might be able to go back to normal.

As you were leaving the lab, your phone buzzed, without looking you answered it. It was James.

“Hey Y/N,” his voice sounded,

Your heart rate spiked, and you had an immediate flashback to the Sunday morning you spent in his kitchen, almost fucking.

“Oh, Hi James” you mutter,

“Well, don’t act too excited,” he said, clearly hurt by your reaction to him calling,

“Sorry, I am just leaving work, a little distracted.” You quickly apologize hiding the nervousness in your voice. 

“Can we talk?” He asks solemnly over the phone,

You sighed, you couldn’t avoid him forever and you missed having him around. “Sure, meet me at my place in an hour?” you respond,

He agrees, and you end the call, the cold evening breeze blows gently on your face as you made your way to the subway station. Thinking about the past year of your life, your heart missed Luke terribly but in the last week things had changed so much, you were finally opening yourself up to moving on and it felt good, but you knew you weren’t entirely ready to jump into a new life.

When you got home, you ordered in pizzas, knowing James was going to want to get some the moment he arrived. You grab a beer from the fridge and sit on the couch flipping through the Netflix selection, mindlessly.

Half way into an episode of MindHunter, you hear the buzzer go off and you know its James,

“It’s open,” you call out,

James walks into the living room, placing his outwear on the coathanger as he does, “Hey” he says, coming over to greet you by giving you a kiss atop your head,

“Hello James,” you reply, giving him a smile, “I already ordered the pizza”

“I brought the beer,” he says, placing a 12 pack on the coffee table and taking a seat on the couch with you,

“Good thinking,” you high-five him,

It felt a little awkward between the two of you, and you could both feel it.

“So, stranger” James said looking at you with a smirk, “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I am not avoiding you,” you laugh nervously, “I have just been busy with work”

“Too busy to reply to my texts?” He quizzed raising an eyebrow,

You sighed, you couldn’t lie to him. As much as you wanted to avoid this talk you had to have it with him. Before it got any more awkward,

“Okay, look we both know what almost happened last week, and it was a moment of weakness on my part, I was lonely and sad because, well you know why, and I wasn’t thinking straight.” You say

“I was,” he replied straight-faced,

“What,” you say confused,

“I was thinking straight when I kissed you,” James said, staring you down

You shifted in your seat, your heart hammering in your chest at his confession. “Why did you kiss me,” you ask softly,

James shrugged, “Seemed like the right thing to do in the moment,” he said sort of nonchalantly, 

Your mouth fell open, and you threw a pillow at him, exasperated. “Are you fucking joking?!” you yelled at him,

James chuckled, “Stop making it such a big deal Y/N, friends can kiss and fuck sometimes,”

“Oh my god, James just stop.” You groaned, covering your face with a pillow

“Why are you over thinking this, you clearly need some release, and I adore you enough to help you out,” He said heartily,

“Oh, so you are just throwing me a free bone then?” You said, glowering at him,

“Exactly, think of it like a stress reliever.” James said,

“You are making this whole situation so fucking weird,” you said, shaking your head, he was offering to sleep with you as a friend helping another friend. Were you that pent up that he noticed it, thinking about it, the last time you had sex with anyone was almost 15 months ago, before you and Luke even broke up.

“How is this weird? We have known each other for years, plus I have seen you naked so many times over the years, it’s basically the same thing,” He pointed out, “Except this time I’ll be inside you” he grinned widely, James laughed at his own comment as usual.

“Ugh don’t be vulgar, also you slept with Natasha, that is breaking the girl code.” You retort,

“Why would Natasha have to know?” he challenged,

“How can I keep this from her? You are her ex-boyfriend!” you exclaimed, “I would be a terrible friend, if I did this.”

James looked at you, a wicked smirk on his face. “Ah but you are thinking about it,” he said huskily, biting his lip.

You couldn’t help but smile at him, He was so obnoxious and carefree, it made you feel the same way. James always found a way to make light of a situation, you knew this would have serious implications, and it was a terrible idea. Something inside you wanted to sleep with him, even if it was just once, just to feel what it would be like. James looked like a spectacular lover, or so you thought.

But on the other hand, Natasha was your best friend, and this was her ex-boyfriend, even if there were no feelings involved, it would still be a disaster. You felt like you were being a really terrible person in this moment by even considering it.

Thankfully you didn’t have to respond to him as the doorbell rang. It was the pizza,

You spent the rest of the evening with James, catching up on the week you hadn’t spent together.

“Wanda is still on my case by the way, she wants to go on a date, ugh” He said grabbing another slice of cheesy pizza. He ate like a fucking horse and still looked like a Greek god.

“Why don’t you just go on the damn date,” You asked, taking a sip of the cold beer, you had just opened. You were on your fourth drink for the night, James had well surpassed you and was drinking his 6th.

“Because I don’t date,” was his reply,

You rolled your eyes, “That’s bullshit, you dated Nat and that girl from your dad’s company for a while,”

“Yeah and look how well both of those relationships turned out,” James said,

“So is the plan to just sleep around until you die?” You asked him,

James paused and took a sip of his beer, he seemed to really contemplate his answer. “Nah, when I find the right person, I’ll settle down.” He said thoughtfully,

You snorted at his comment, unable to picture him being in a serious relationship with anyone.

“Well here is to both of us finding the ONE, in the new year” You say, raising your bottle in a cheer,

He clinks his bottle against yours, “Merry fucking Christmas,” he adds for good measure, making you laugh.

______________________

The weeks went by faster than expected and it was Christmas Eve. Steve had tried to see you twice but his bust work schedule kept him travelling often, he texted you on the regular though and sent you different gifts from every location he was at.

The girls in your lab were all swooning over his gestures, weekly there were fresh flowers being delivered, and a bottle or the best prosecco when he was in Italy, Chocolates from Belgium, Cheese from Switzerland, Donuts from Canada. It was all rather excessive but nevertheless you enjoyed the attention.

Natasha had gone into full bride mode, as her wedding was now 4 months away and she needed to buckle down on the planning. She had asked you to be her maid of honor, so you had to help her shoulder the burden of planning her wedding.

Christmas Eve, you sat in her living room looking over a hundred different types of fonts, napkins and color schemes trying to help her decide.

“I really feel like we should be going the classic red roses and white way,” Nat said holding up a red rose and a white napkin, “But then I paid peach, gold and dusty pink together and suddenly everything changes.” Then lifts another trio of colors, roses and napkins to show you.

“Classic is always good,” you offer your opinion, you were so tired by now. The two of you had spent the whole day doing wedding chores and all you wanted to do was drink by this point.

Natasha examined both options, “Ok I have decided, its this one” she says holding up the peach, gold and dusty pink trio.

“Oh thank god,” you sighed,

“I know this is tiring but its my wedding, I want it to be perfect” Nat said, topping up your glass with the prosecco you had brought over,

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” you reply, thankfully drinking the crisp alcohol.

Nat examined the bottle of prosecco, “Damn, this is some seriously good prosecco,” she noted, “Steve has good taste,”

You nod in agreement; the gifts were all in wonderful taste. “So, are you going on an actual date with him ever?” Natasha asks,

“I would like to at some point, but he is always travelling”

“You better lock that down before some other hoe comes along and takes him,” Natasha joked,

“Oh god Nat, I am not looking to marry the guy,” you say swatting her shoulder

“I bet he would make a fine husband for you,” she giggled,

“That is the furthest thing on my mind right now,” you said, “My focus is finding a new apartment.”

This comment made Natasha drop her phone into her lap, and she screamed in delight. “OHMYGOD Y/N!” she practically jumped over the couch and onto you. It might not have been significant to anyone else, but you finally moving out of the apartment you and Luke had lived in together for almost 3 years meant you were finally moving on.

“I am so happy for you babe!” She said, choking back tears,

“Natasha,” you laughed, “Why are you crying?!”

“Because, I am just so happy that you are finally coming back to us,” Natasha replied wiping the tears from her eyes, “Luke really hurt you and you were so changed and I am glad that you are moving on, its time.”

You smiled at your best friend, she had always been there for you and you hadn’t realized just how much, Luke breaking up with you, affected her as well. She had been the one trying to put the pieces he had left you in back together, and it hadn’t been easy for her.

“So, apartment hunting soon?” You offer,

“Yes yes and yes!” She yelped in delight,

Just then Bruce walked in,

“What are we excited about?” he asked, placing the tray of snacks on the table. It looked amazing, Bruce always made the best food whenever you were over, he was an amazing cook.

“Y/N is looking for a new apartment!” Natasha said excitedly,

Bruce looked at you, with a stunned expression, then quickly came over and hugged you tightly. “That is amazing news Y/N!” he said happily,

“Oh shit is that the time?” Nat suddenly exclaimed looking at her watch, “Come on, we have a party to get ready for,” she said to you, dragging you to your feet and out of the living room.

You were spending Christmas Eve with Bruce and Natasha, as your family was on vacation in Bora Bora and you rarely ever saw them anyways. The couple had outdone themselves with the gifts and the food, and the company. A few friends from the office, and friends from university had shown up and you were all mingling, enjoying the alcohol that flowed freely.

You weren’t expecting James to be there as he always spent Christmas with his family in the Hamptons, but just after dinner, you saw him walk in.

“Buckyyy!” Natasha called in a sing song voice over the blaring music when she saw him, she was a little tipsy, but she looked ever so stunning, in a maroon dress that hugged her figure. Her blonde hair tumbling over her shoulders like honey.

“Hello beautiful,” James smile at her, kissing her on the cheek and falling into her embrace. He wore grey slacks, and a crisp white shirt, holding his suit jacket over his shoulder.

“Don’t you look handsome, Buckyyy” You say walking over to him, imitating the way Nat had just said his name,

James undid a few buttons on his shirt, making a face “My mother, made me dress up” he explained,

“Yeah, I am not used to you looking so…clean,” Nat said touching his hair,

You laughed, “You still look great, don’t fuss over it” then grabbed a glass of champagne off a tray of a waiter passing by and handed it to him, “Come on, you will never believe who is here,” you say to him grabbing his hand and dragging him into the party.

“Sam!” you called loudly, “Samuel Wilson!”

Sam turned around to face you, his whole face changing when he saw James, a broad smile plastered on his face.

“Well, Well Well, If it isn’t James Buchanan Barnes,” Sam said, clapping James on the shoulder and pulling him into a hug,

“No ways!” he responded, hugging Sam back, “When did you get back?”

“A couple of months back,” Sam answered, “Yeah, I’m staying in the Bronx, its feels weird being back.”

Sam was in the military, him and James used to be best friends from way back in high school. Sam was deployed 3 years ago and hadn’t been home since.

“What are you doing now? Where are you based?” James asked,

“I live here in the Bronx now,” Sam answered, “Yeah, I’m working down at the VA”

James grinned, and grabbed his friends shoulder, “Its good to see you again, Sam” he said sincerely,

You left the two of them to catch up and went to find Natasha. She was standing on the balcony talking to Bruce, they looked so in love with each other, standing in the cold moonlight. Bruce’s arms wrapped round her waist lovingly gazing into her eyes with a warm smile on his face, Nat wore a similar expression. As you watched them, you felt a dull ache in your chest, flashing back to when Luke would look at you like that.

“They’re good together,” a voice sounded right beside your ear, startling you.

“Geez, I didn’t see you there James” you hissed, swatting him away

“You smell great,” he said, smirking at you.

“Oh my god, can you not,” you hit him upside the head,

He laughs and throws his arm over your shoulders, neither of you noticed Natasha watching the two of you.

As you look around the party, your heart suddenly stops. You see Steve standing in the doorway, looking very out of place and incredibly handsome. You pull yourself out of James’ embrace and quickly make your way towards Steve, whose face lights up when he sees you. As you walk away from James’, he scowls at the man you’re walking towards, feelings of jealously unfurling in him.

“Steve! What are you doing here?” You exclaim, hugging him.

“Natasha invited me,” he replied, “wasn’t sure if I was going to make it really, I missed my flight”

“Well I’m glad you came,” you smiled at him, “I was getting a little tired of not seeing your face and only texting,” you joked,

Steve chortled, “I guess it’s a good thing I’m here then,”

You grab two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter, and hand one to him, “Come lets go say hello to Natasha before I keep you all to myself,” you kidded.

Natasha was well passed tipsy when you and Steve finally found her, Bruce was giving her water in the kitchen, attempting to sober her up a little.

“I can’t have you passing out before all you guests leave,” you hear him chastise her,

“I’m finnnnne” Natasha muttered at him, “I just won’t drink anymore champagne,”

When Bruce saw you, he sighed, relieve. “Oh thank god, Y/N, we need to sober her up, its not even midnight yet and she is wrecked.”

Natasha looked up at you from her seat, “Steeeeveee” she said loudly opening her arms for a hug,

To which Steve obliged and exchanged hello’s with both her and Bruce, “I think we should maybe get her upstairs Bruce,” you said, “She needs to just sleep this off, there’s no coming back from this level of drunk.”

“Maybe give her some more water and let her eat something?” Steve offered, and then went to go and get some for her.

Bruce sighed, knowing that he would now have to host their guests until everyone leaves, and he hated it. Natasha was always better at hosting than he was.

Just as Bruce was about to help Natasha up, Sam and James walked into the kitchen. “There you are! We’ve been looking for you,” Sam said, then he saw Natasha sitting on the floor holding her head, and looked at you and Bruce,

“She okay?” he asked,

“Yeah, she just had a little too much champagne,” you explained,

“Buuuckyyy,” Natasha crooned when she saw him, “Come sit with me,” patting the spot beside her,

James walked over to Nat and took a seat on the floor, in front of her. “Tasha, do you need a BnR?” he asked her quietly,

Bruce looked at you confused and mouthed, “BnR?”

“Boot and rally,” you explained to him,

Bruce was still confused, “Its when you throw up, get rid of the alcohol in your system so you can sober up faster,” Sam chimed in,

Bruce mad a disgusted face, “Oh god no, please don’t throw up and then go back to the party, rather just let her sleep it off.” he said,

“I just want to have fun,” Natasha grumbled, “You’re all being boring,”

Steve walked back into the kitchen holding a plate of food and a big glass of water and handed it to you,

Sam being the polite guy that he was stuck his hand out and introduced himself, “Sam Wilson,” he said, “And this is Bucky Barnes,” pointing to James

“Steve Rogers,” Steve replied shaking his hand,

“It’s James,” said James, not bothering to shake Steve’s hand or looking up from sit seat by Natasha,

You couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed with him for being so rude to Steve, but you knew that was the way James was, and nothing anyone could say would ever change that.

“Alright, lets get her to bed,” you say, thanking Steve for the food and water

James helped her to her feet and Bruce took her from him, “Come on darling, I got you.” Bruce said grasping her firmly around the shoulders and leading her out of the kitchen, hoping none of their guests would see them go upstairs.

You followed them upstairs, and helped Bruce put Natasha to bed then headed back downstairs. The party had quieted down by now, a lot of people had evidently also plied themselves with champagne and had gone home.

James, Sam, Steve and unfortunately Wanda whom you had been avoiding all night all sat in the living room now, chatting amongst themselves.

“She okay?” James asked, when you and Bruce walked back into the living room,

“Yeah, she just needs sleep,” Bruce sighed, “Let me go and say goodbye to the rest of my guests and pay the staff,” he said, raking his fingers through his hair and then walked back out.

Wanda sat next to James, trying to keep a conversation going with him while Sam watched with intrigued delight at James’ face while she did so.

You took a seat next to Steve, “So that was a short-lived party,” you say quietly to him,

“Those are the best kinds of parties,” he responds jokingly, “Natasha can really knock them back, respect to her for that.”

You can’t help but laugh because that was Nat, since high school, always the first one to pass out a party.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Sam asks everyone looking around the room,

“Drinking,” James muttered downing his drink in front of him, Wanda was still forcing a conversation and you could see on his face he was getting impatient. You felt like of bad for her but you she was kind of annoying,

“Here here,” Sam says, downing his drink,

“I’m down with that,” you agree, downing your glass of champagne as well,

Steve looks at you with a surprised look on his face, then he grins, “I guess I have some catching up to do” he says then gets two glasses of champagne and downs them in quick succession,

Wanda not wanting to be the odd one takes a few sips of the drink in front of her, “Sorry, I can’t down my drink, I’m a bit of a lightweight.” She said,

You stand up and walked over to the bar that Nat and Bruce had, it was always fully stocked, “I think they have shots somewhere here,” you say, opening the cupboard and scanning it. Your eye fell on the bottle of tequila and you grabbed it,

“Anyone keen?” you ask them, putting the bottle on the coffee table along with a couple of shot glasses,

James was the first to agree, you poured a couple of shots and handed them to everyone, “Merry fucking Christmas,” you said, looking at James with a smile, it was an inside joke, but he got it and it made him smile.

The conversation picked up between the group easily after a few shots in, James, Sam and you reminiscing on your college days, talking shit in general.

“I’m sorry, I have to ask,” Wanda said, looking at Steve “But you’re Steve Rogers, right?”

Steve nodded with a smile,

“I am such a huge fan of your work,” She gushes excitedly, “Your Forbes cover was fantastic,”

Steve awkwardly thanks her, and Sam and James just sit back looking confused by the whole exchange.

Wanting to draw away from Wanda’s now rambling to Steve about his work, you jumped up “Let’s play some music,” you say, walking over to the Bluetooth stereo,

Surprise flits across James’ face, he knew you well enough to know you only ever danced with one person, Luke. Sam hadn’t been around during your break up, so he still knew you as the fun-loving person you used to be, and Steve didn’t really know you well enough to know how much you loved dancing.

That part of you had kind of disappeared when Luke broke up with you, and you missed it. For some reason tonight, all you wanted to do was dance.

Wanda stands up excitedly, “Yes! Please!” she enthusiastically agreed,

Sam and Steve had struck up a conversation and we heartily engrossed in it, which you were appreciative for because Sam was the only person treating Steve like a normal everyday guy.

You flip through the selection and find the song you are looking for, and hit play.

The song starts over the surround sound speakers, and you immediately loosen up, the alcohol helped. you strolled over to the bar, taking off your shoes and started making yourself another drink, swaying slightly to the beat of the music.

James came over to the bar, and began to dance with you. The two of you were so engrossed in dancing to the song you hadn’t noticed, Sam, Steve and Wanda watching you.

You had a routine with James that you used to do way back at college parties, as a party trick. You hadn’t done it in a long time but both of you still remembered it step by step, James picked you up and basically tossed you in the air, to the beat, catching you. The moment your feet touched the ground he twirled you around and then dipped you, your breath catching in your throat when you look into his ice blue eyes.

Sam and Steve both start clapping when the song ends,

“Holy shit, I can’t believe you two still remember how to do that!” Sam exclaims coming over to high five you and James,

You laughed, feeling the happiest you had felt in a while, “I haven’t done that in a while,” you mused,

“That was fantastic, you’re a great dancer,” Steve said, “Learned something new about you tonight,”

The night wore on, and the five you, Bruce included, hung around the house, chatting and enjoying each other’s company. By the end of the night, you had decided to stay over to Bruce and Natasha’s as it was almost 3 in the morning and didn’t want to take a cab home,

You stood outside saying goodnight to Steve, while Sam and James were at the door waiting for you.

“It was really good to see you again, Y/N,” Steve said, touching your shoulder.

“Likewise, we should do this again sometime,” you reply,

“Maybe with less people?”

You smiled at him, you really liked Steve, but you knew it would never work between the two of you. not with his lifestyle, at best it would be a really great fling to tell at parties some day you thought.

“Yeah, text me.” You say, then he kisses you on the cheek and bids you goodnight.

As you walk back into the house, Sam starts teasing you almost immediately, “Ooooh he’s got a crush on youuu” he mocks,

“Shut up Sam,” You said whacking him on the arm, James is silent on the matter.

He laughed and the three of you headed inside, to a respective room to catch some much-needed sleep.

This had been one of the best Christmas Eve’s you’d had in a long time.


	4. The mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always great!  
> I love this chapter so much! I hope you all enjoy it too!! Chapter 5 will be posted by tomorrow!

New years came and went, and you had finally decided to take some time off work to dedicate a week to finding a new apartment. Apartment hunting in New York was surprisingly harder than you had anticipated with all the various neighborhoods and different layouts, you had no clue what you were looking for or what you even liked.

Natasha helped when she could but was otherwise preoccupied with work and planning her wedding which was taking up 90% of her time, so Bruce had stepped in to help you find a place. James had been spending more time with Sam now that he had moved back, and you hadn’t seen him in a while, although he had offered you a bedroom in his sprawling 4 bedroom Park Avenue apartment multiple times, to which you had declined several times because it was just weird living with him.

It was a bright Saturday morning; You and Bruce had started the day of apartment hunting early. Seven AM breakfast at Bruce’s favorite Brooklyn bistro Five Leaves, and then the two of you headed out to the various apartment viewings Bruce had set up.

By the 3rd apartment you were getting slightly annoyed with the realtor, she kept showing you apartments that looked exactly like the one you already lived in.

“And it comes with granite top finishes in the kitchen,” The tall, brunette named Sasha said as you and Bruce walked through the apartment. “I’ll let you two look around, you can come find me when you’re ready,” she says then steps out into the hallway.

“Ugh this is so pointless, if see another apartment that looks like this , I am going to throw myself off its balcony.” You groaned, rubbing your face in annoyance

Bruce chuckled, “This is a process Y/N, let’s check out the last one and then we can take a break?” he suggested,

You sighed and agreed, then headed off to the next apartment the realtor seemed excited about this one. She kept going on about how you couldn’t find an apartment in Lower Manhattan for this price and this location. You exchanged a glace with Bruce as he knew you didn’t want to move out of Brooklyn, but he whispered to you to just give it a look before disregarding it.

The moment you pulled up to the building you were already in love with it. The face brick building looked like it had been a warehouse at some point which had been built on, Bruce saw your face and he immediately began asking more questions about the place, much to Sasha’s delight.

She led you to the top floor, the apartment was a loft apartment at the top of the building, and the moment she opened the door, you knew this was your new home.

The space was airy, and sprawling. The floors wooden and polished, there were weight beams across the room and it was open plan, in all the perfect colors. The apartment just screamed buy me. It looked expensive, so you did well to hide your excitement as you walked through the loft.

“So, it’s two bedrooms, two bathrooms and obviously the entire loft space.” Sasha said gesturing to the space, “What do you think?”

You looked at Bruce, and he asked the obvious question on both your minds. “What’s the catch?” He asked,

Sasha looked confused for a moment, “Why is it so cheap?” you asked again,

“Oh, the previous owner put it on the market for this price, he didn’t really state why.” Sasha replied, “I can find out if you ‘d like?”

“Yeah, I’d like to maybe speak to him if you can?” Bruce said, “Get a feel of what we are getting into, ya know?”

Sasha nodded understandingly, but you had already made up your mind on the space. You had to make this your home, and this was perfectly within your budget. In face it was perfect down to the last dollar. You were never one for being impulsive but in this moment, you couldn’t help it,

“I’ll take it!” you say suddenly, much to Bruce and Sasha’s surprise

“You will?” She almost exclaimed, “I mean, of course you will, this place is amazing.”

“Are you sure Y/N?” Bruce asked, trying to be the voice of reason,

“Yes, I am sure. It’s the perfect price range, perfect location for work, and I mean look at it Bruce, even Nat would approve of this!”

Bruce grinned and looked at Sasha, “Well then I guess let’s get this process started,” and Sasha heartily clapped her hands and set off making calls to make this place yours.

__________________________

The moving process happened quicker then you were expecting. The owner of the apartment, whom you still hadn’t met, was eager to get rid of the place. It took all of 3 days to sort out the paperwork, pay and sign the documents before you were handed the keys to your new apartment.

Tony had organized a whole team of people to help you move, much to your delight, so that you could still work on a project for him. Which in a way was selfish but you weren’t complaining because when you walked into your new home, all the furniture had been placed, tidied up and all that was left were the boxes of personal items. Tony even went as far as stocking up the grocery cupboards and the fridge for you, to which you made a mental note to thank him for next time you saw him.

A week after moving in, Natasha and James came through to see your new place.

The doorbell rang multiple times, the impatient buzzer ringing throughout the loft. You tossed the dishcloth in your hands, onto the kitchen counter and headed to open the door for them.

Natasha barely even got a hello out before she started spazzing about the apartment. “Oh my god, Y/N!” She squealed, “This place is stunning!”

“Thanks Nat,” you laughed, as you greeted James with a kiss on the cheek. He handed you two bottles of wine and then followed Natasha in,

“Holy shit, this is nice.” James agreed, flopping down onto the couch

“I can’t believe you got this place, Its such a steal!” Natasha continued as she walked around the apartment,

“Yeah, it’s great isn’t it. I am still getting used to all this space,” You replied handing her a glass of wine and James a beer,

“Yes, when is the house warming party?” James asked,

“I don’t know, when I get a free moment I guess,” you reply, taking a seat next to him on the couch, “Tony has been hard pressed at keeping me busy these days,”

“Does he ever take a break?” Natasha asked, twirling the wine glass in her hand,

“I don’t think he knows how to take a break.” You said,

“Anyway, I invited Sam as well,” James announced, changing the topic, “He should be here soon. “

“I can’t believe the four of us are actually going to hang out together,” Natasha mused, “Last time we spent this much time together we were in college,”

“Yeah and we were all much poorer than we are now,” You added,

“Except Bucky,” Nat pointed out,

“Well I funded our drunken rages, so it’s a good thing you kept me around,” He chuckled, you and Nat were always giving him shit for being a trust fund kid, but he didn’t seemed phased by it. In fact, he wholeheartedly embraced it, James had never been on to shy away from the truth.

Just then the doorbell rang again, it was Sam and you stood up to go and get it.

“Hey Sam,” You greet him cheerily, giving a hug,

“Hello Y/N,” he said, returning your affection as he stepped into the apartment,

He looked around and whistled, handing you a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, “Holy moly, this place is something else.” He said,

“Thanks Buddy,” you grin, “Come in, Nat and James are already here.”

You led him to the open plan area, where Natasha and James greeted him affectionately and you stood in the kitchen preparing the salad for the dinner you had made. The great thing about the space was how open it was, you could stand in the kitchen and have a full-scale conversation with everyone in the lounge without even raising your voice.

“Dinner is served,” You say, placing the spaghetti bolognaise, and salad on the table, “Nothing fancy, just some good old-fashioned pasta!”

The three of them too their seat around the table, “Smell’s fucking good,” James commented,

“I think I’m just glad to be eating something that doesn’t come out of a takeout box,” Sam said, dishing out some onto his plate, gratefully.

“You should really learn how to cook,” Natasha pointed out, “It’s not good for your health to eat takeout’s,”

You laughed at her comment, “You’re joking right, you’re the least healthiest person I know with the amount you drink,”

This got a laugh of agreement from James and Sam, Natasha rolled her eyes. “Okay first of all, I am done drinking, for a while, secondly, I do eat healthy…sometimes,” she grinned,

The conversation and laughs continued between the four of you throughout the course of dinner, it felt great having them all around you again. It felt like college again. once the dishes were cleared up and dinner was done, the four of you sat on the loft balcony and decided to open the whiskey Sam had brought.

You handed Natasha a glass, but as she took it you saw her wine glass was till full. You could have sworn she did not refill it,

“Nat, why are you not drinking?” You asked her questionably,

She shifted in her seat, acting nonchalant. “I am drinking, what do you mean?”

image  
Both James and Sam now looked at her closely,

“You haven’t finished you glass of wine, since we arrived.” James pointed out,

“And I haven’t seen you refill it once, in fact the bottle is still full,” Sam said,

You looked between Sam, James and her, “Natasha Romanoff,” You said slowly, “Are you fucking pregnant?” ‘

Natasha suddenly sighed deeply, confirming your suspicions. “OHMYGOD NAT!” You screamed excited, startling both James and Sam,

You excitedly jump around giving her a tight hug, and she laughed. “Yes, yes I am pregnant!” she said sound excited finally,

“Congratulations!” Sam said standing up and giving her a hug,

James seemed dumbstruck, he was still in his seat, his face unreadable. You looked down at him, and kicked him in the foot slightly urging him to stand up and give Natasha a hug. He suddenly snapped out of his thought when you did so, and half heartedly congratulated her, then took a seat again.

“So, when did you find out?” You ask her enthusiastically, “And how am I only finding out about this now?!”

“Uhm.. I found out two weeks ago,” She replied,

“Oh my god, and why am I only finding out now?” You demanded,

“I only went to the doctor this week,” Natasha explained,

“How far along are you?” Sam asked,

“six weeks,” and then Natasha suddenly burst into tears,

And beside you, you left James stiffen at the sight of Natasha crying.

“Hey, Nat what’s wrong?” you say gently, putting an arm around her shoulders,

“My wedding is in 4 weeks and I’m not going to fit into my dress and we can’t tell my family because my mother will have a heart attack if she knows I’m pregnant before marriage.” Natasha said through sobs,

Sam chuckled, “Natasha Romanoff, you are a resourceful, empowered woman. I don’t think you should let this get you down, it’s a silly wedding dress, just rip a few seams and you will be fine!” he said,

And you threw him a grateful glance, because that seemed to cheer Nat up a little.

“See, there’s always a plan, and I’ll help you fit into your dress I swear.” You tell her,

“Yeah, you’re beautiful Nat, either way this is a happy moment for you.” James finally added, as he had been quiet throughout the exchange

Natasha looked around at the three of you and then started crying again, “Why are you still crying Nat?” you asked confused,

“Because I’m happy to have you all back in my life,” She said through tears and laughter.

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry with her, in her emotional state. But all of them being here made you realize just how much you all needed each other.

______________________

You hadn’t seen Steve in almost a month, you continued to text each other on the regular but every time the two of you made a plan, it seemed to fall apart. So, it came as an utter surprise when you bumped into him at a book store in Manhattan. He was avidly trying to escape something outside when he bumped into you,

image  
“Y/N,” he exclaimed, dragging you into a hug. “Just the person I was looking for,”

“Steve, what, how did you know where to find me?” You asked confused,

“Natasha said I could find you here on Tuesdays,” he explained, “She kind of has your whole itinerary,”

“I swear to god, that woman needs a busier job,” You chuckled, “But I am glad you found me,” you say smiling up at the handsome blonde, he had grown a small beard in the time you hadn’t seen him. It was incredibly attractive.

“So am I,” Steve mumbled a little awkwardly,

“What can I do for you Steven?” You prompted him when he hadn’t told you why he was here,

“Please don’t think I only want to see you when I am not busy,” Steve began, “I want to see you every day if I could, So here I am hoping you will say yes to going on an actual date with me tonight?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, he had a puppy dog look on his gorgeous face and somehow you couldn’t say no to such an offer. “You tracked me down, just to ask me something you could have done over text?” You laughed,

Steve scratched the back of his, with a shy smile on his face, “This may sound silly, but I wanted to ask you out for the first time in person, doesn’t seem right to do it over text,” He explained,

“Alright, but only if I get to choose the place,” you responded, chuckling at how sweet he was.

“Yes, of course, anything you want!” Steve said enthusiastically,

Just then, there were the sounds of camera’s and flashes going off in the window of the book store and Steve groaned loudly. “Fuck, the found me,” he sighed and then stepped behind a bookshelf taking you with him,

“Paparazzi, I assume?” you say,

Steve nodded, “Can’t escape these guys,”

“Come on,” You say, “I’ll show you an escape route.”

Steve broke out into a grin at your offer and the two of you quietly slipped out the side of the bookstore unbeknownst to the eager paparazzi and fans waiting for him to exit through the front.

That evening, you sat in Natasha’s massive walk in closet as she went through an array of outfits for you to wear on your date with Steve. You had chosen a quiet little restaurant in Brooklyn but Natasha railroaded your plans and managed to organize a private dining dinner at Vaucluse in the upper east side, to which you complained saying you probably couldn’t afford a starter there to begin with.

“So, red or black ?” Nat asked you, holding up the two different dress options,

“Neither, they are so short and way too fancy for just a dinner.” You said shaking your head,

Natasha sighed and tossed the options onto the bed, and then went back to rummaging through the racks of clothes looking for something for you to wear. “You know, this is a 5-star restaurant and I am sure Steve is going to dress in a suit,” she said, holding up another option for you,

“Yes, but I am not making a big deal out of this, who knows if this is even going to work out” you say shaking your head, “And absolutely not, there is barely any coverage on that dress,”

“Can you just pick something, I can’t with you!” Nat exclaimed and then huffed and sat down on one of the chairs, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

You sighed, “Can’t I just wear my own clothes?” You say,

“No, because you dress like you’re in a biker gang,” Nat retorted, and you couldn’t help but laugh, she wasn’t wrong about your style of dress.

“Fine,” you grumbled and then got up, and went to look at the racks of clothing.

After what seemed like an eternity you had finally picked out an outfit, and gotten dressed.

“Ugh, you look like a homeless hippie!” Natasha exclaimed, “Of all the amazing Atelier Versace I have in my closet you choose to dress in an outfit from Topshop!”

“Shut up,” you laughed, “I am comfortable in this, and I think I look great.”

“He’s going to be so disappointed,” She sighed,

“Well he will have to like me for who I am, not what I wear,” you point out, and then take one last look at yourself in the mirror before you leave to go meet Steve at the restaurant.

 

When you arrived at the restaurant Steve was already there, sitting at the table looking exceedingly handsome, chatting to a waitress. You heart raced a little when you saw him,

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As you walked up to the table, Steve immediately gets to his feet with a wide grin on his face,

“Hey you,” He says sweetly, giving you a kiss on the cheek

“Hey Steve,” you respond, smiling at him as he nervously fidgeted with his tie, “You look great,”

“Nothing compared to you,” was his response as the two of you sat down,

You felt yourself blush at his compliment, how was he always so sweet.

“Natasha said I look like a homeless hippie,” you joked,

“Well, then you are definitely the prettiest homeless hippie I have ever met,” Steve laughed,

Just then the waitress appeared again, with a bottle of expensive looking champagne,

“Shall I open it?” She asked you both,

Steve looked at you and you nodded, noting that the bottle was one of your favorite. Steve had obviously asked Natasha what you liked beforehand, and you thought that was so sweet.

After the waitress had taken your orders and left, Steve asked you how your day was,

“It was rather average, worked for most of the day. My boss is really amped about this project we are working on, he wants to make Stark industries a leader in clean energy, so he has us researching and developing around the clock. It’s great for me, because the developments are moving along great, but I have a whole team to manage now and ordering people around isn’t really my strong suit, I’m more of a do it myself type of person,” You stopped yourself, realizing you were rambling a little, “Sorry, I’m rambling,”

“Oh no, don’t apologize, I am enjoying hearing about your work,” Steve smiled,

“You say that now, and then I start speaking about nonmolecular cellular regeneration and you will wish you hadn’t said that,” You chuckled,

Steve grinned, “I could listen to you talk all day, you’re by far the most interesting thing to be around today,”

“I’m a thing?” You joke, feigning offense,

“No no, I mean person, I would never objectify you, I” he rapidly tried to correct himself,

“Steve relax, I’m joking,” You say laughing out loud at his panic,

He relaxed his shoulders and shook his head chuckling with you.

“So, how’s your job?” you asked him, taking a sip of your drink,

“Tiring, I am glad to finally have a break in the new year.” Steve said, “The jet set life can get tedious sometimes,”

“I can imagine, don’t you miss being home?”

He nodded, “All the time, But I can’t complain I am devastatingly lucky in my life, for everything that I have gotten but the fame doesn’t come without its downfalls,”

“Like the paparazzi,” you pointed out,

“Oh yes, they’re the worst, but nothing compared to the gossip websites,” Steve replied, “It’s easy to lose yourself in it all,”

“Well, it’s nice to walk outside and see your face on a billboard outside my apartment,” You jested,

Which earned you a hearty laugh from Steve, “I had to find some way to keep you interested in me.”

The rest of the evening went by faster than you had expected, You and Steve had lost track of time in the restaurant and only realized how late it was when the waitress came through with the bill saying they were closing.

“Is that the time, holy shit,” You half exclaim, it was 1:30 in the morning,

Steve insisted on paying the bill, even though numerous times you said you would pay it. He said it wouldn’t be a date if he made you pay for your dinner and that he wanted to treat you. It was a sweet gesture.

Once the two of you had left the restaurant, he offered to drop you off at home, saying he didn’t feel right letting you take a cab. Which you didn’t dispute. The car ride to your place was quick and as he pulled up to your apartment building, you found yourself wanting to invite him upstairs.

“Would you like to come upstairs?” You ask softly, a surprised look flits across his face

“Yeah, yeah, I would love to,” He replied, flashing his dazzling smile at you.

Steve followed you upstairs wordlessly, the two of you quietly making easy conversation between each other as you were in the lift. When the lift hit the landing and you exited it, you stopped dead in your tracks, your heart dropping to the floor.

Standing at your front door was Luke Charles, your ex-fiancé.

“Luke…” You whispered when you saw him, Luke looked at Steve for a moment then at you,

“What are you doing here?” you asked, your heart thundering in your chest,

“I needed to see you,” He replied, his voice sending a shiver down your spine, you hadn’t heard it in over a year and seeing him here now was like looking at a ghost. “Can we talk in private?”

You looked at Steve, by the look on Steve’s face he knew who Luke was, and you wanted to avoid any kind of drama to night. “I’m sorry Steve,” you apologized,

“No no, its okay, call me tomorrow okay?” he said smiling and then embracing you, you nodded at him, He gave you a kiss on the forehead before he left. For good measure you see him throw Luke a glare and then he left,

Your hands were shaking as you unlocked the front door, Luke stood behind you wordlessly. Once inside, you quickly dropped all your items on the kitchen counter and turned to face Luke, who stood near the door, looking around at your apartment.

You felt so exposed, having him look around at your new home. He still looked as handsome as ever, you averted your gaze as the memories with him came flooding back. You feel hot tears springing to your eyes, and you swallow the lump in your throat.

“Why are you here Luke?” You asked him quietly,

He walked to the kitchen, near where you stood and faced you, arms crossed over his broad chest. “Who’s the guy?” He asked,

“You don’t get to ask me that question,” you responded, trying to remain as aloof as possible,

“Can we sit?” Luke gestures to the chairs, as he takes a seat in one of them,

“I’d rather stand,” you replied, moving yourself behind the island counter, putting space between the two of you.

Luke sighed and then removed his jacket and scarf, he looked at you, observing you. “You changed your hair color,” he noted, “it looks lovely,”

You nervously twirled your hair with your index finger, feeling exposed at his comment, and remained quiet.

“I see you changed the way you dress too, this suits you,” Luke said gesturing to the outfit you had borrowed from Natasha for your date,

“Luke, what do you want? Because I know you didn’t come here to talk about my hair and my clothes,” you snap impatiently, on the outside you were trying to be tough but on the inside you were dying, you wanted to kick and scream and shout at him.

“I just needed to see you, Y/N. I wanted to know if you were okay…” Luke replied huskily, looking at you with intense eyes,

“Why…?” you whispered, pain evident in your voice, “Why after all this time,”

“Because I still love you,” He replied plainly,

The moment the words left his mouth, you felt as if your world was spinning. You had wished, begged, prayed for this moment, when Luke had left you. you spent countless hours sobbing to Natasha over those 3 words, but somehow in this moment it felt like he had just stabbed you in the heart. There was just pain in your chest when you looked at Luke, and you felt like you couldn’t breathe,

Suddenly all the memories and the pain from what he had caused you over the last year came rushing back, and it was like an avalanche of emotions. Mostly rage,

“How fucking dare, you!” You shouted at him, starling him.

Luke looked at you, mouth open in shock,

“How dare you come back to me, and tell me you still love me after everything you have done to me! How dare you think this is okay! How dare you sit there and even for a moment think that this is something you get to do to me!” You were screaming at this point, but you didn’t care, “I was suffering Luke, I was a shell of a person, you broke me! YOU BROKE MY SOUL AND NOW YOU COME TO MY HOME AND THINK YOU CAN JUST PULL THE THREAD THAT I HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO KEEP TIED UP!” You began to throw the plates and glasses at him, they were shattering across the kitchen and living room, Luke ducked out the way to avoid being hit with a plate,

You paused your chest heaving from anger,

“Y/N,” Luke began,

“No, you don’t get to say my name! you don’t have the right to even look at me, not after what you did Luke!” you cried, tears streaming down your face now, “How can you do this to me?! AGAIN?!”

“Baby please, just give me a chance to explain,” Luke begged,

But you cut him off, “No, get the fuck out of my house, get out of my life. I will never forgive you Luke Charles, you left me for another woman and If I ever see you again I will murder you with my bare hands,” you said icily,

Luke just looked at you, a dejected look on his face, he stood up and gathered his things then walked to the door, you followed him to let him out. “I won’t give up on you,” He said turning to you as he exited the apartment,

“You already did,” you replied frostily and then slammed the door in his face.

The moment the door shut, your legs buckled, and you collapsed to the floor, clutching your chest in pain. You couldn’t breathe, you were having a full-scale panic attack. You needed to get out of your apartment, Luke’s cologne clung to the air, and the memories were too painful. There was glass everywhere, and you had cuts on your hands from stray piece of glass that had hit you.

Grabbing your purse and phone, you ran out of the apartment barely locking it behind you in the pouring rain you hailed a cab. There was only one person you needed to see right now.

The cab had barely stopped when you were already jumping out, tossing two 20-dollar bills in the front seat and thanking him. You ran up to the doorman, who already knew who you were, and he politely opened the door for you. seeing your freaked faced he asked if you were okay, and quickly let you in to the elevator.

You pushed the button to the penthouse suite, your panic rising again, you couldn’t breath and your head was spinning. The second the elevator dinged on the landing, James was standing there, in just shorts. The doorman must have alerted him that you were on your way up. you flung yourself into his arms and began sobbing uncontrollably.

“Y/N,” James said, in a panicked voice, “What the fuck happened?!”

You couldn’t get the words out, your body racked with sobs and you held onto James like he was a lifeline.

“Sweetheart, talk to me! What happened?” he repeated holding you against his chest, “You’re bleeding!” he exclaimed,

“L-Luke,” was all you managed to say, and James knew what had happened. He led you inside, and ordered you to sit down in the lounge, while he got on the phone with someone.

You were numb, you sat on the edge of the couch, gazing listlessly at the floor. When James returned to the room, he had a cup of tea in his hand which he placed next to you then he sat beside you. he had pulled on a t-shirt while he was gone. 

“Tell me what he did, doll,” James said, brushing your hair out of your face,

“I came home,” You began, choking up again, “And he was just there, at my door, he didn’t say hello, he didn’t even ask me if I was okay, how I was, how I’d been after what he did. he just said he loved me and still wanted me. It was like he knew how to break me all over again,” a sob escapes your lips as you hear the words Luke had uttered to you, again and again.

“And then what? Did he lay a hand on you?” James asked, evidently angry,

“N-no,” you stuttered, “I threw the plates and the glasses at him,”

James looked at you for a moment, shocked. “I am going to fucking kill him,” James seethed, “Where is he now?”

“I don’t know, I kicked him out and came straight here,” You replied, holding your head in your hands,

James took a deep breath, evidently trying to calm himself down. “Come on sweetheart, Let me sort out those cuts,” he said, standing up and offering you a hand.

You silently followed James to the bathroom, and took a seat on the bathroom counter while he got out the first aid kit and got to work on cleaning bits of glass that were still stuck in the cuts on your arms and hands. When he was done he looked at your face, “You have a cut on your cheekbone,” he mentioned, and took a piece of cotton wool dipping in antiseptic and wiping the blood away.

You hissed as it stung, knowing that would probably leave a mark. “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” James said, once he was done applying a plaster to your cheek. You just nodded, not feeling like saying anything in that moment. Seeing Luke again and speaking to him had brought the passed tumbling down on you like an avalanche and you had retreated within yourself.

“I’ll go get you something to wear, do you want to shower?” He asked you,

When you didn’t answer, he walked over to you and cupped your face in his hands, “Y/N, I got you, you’re going to be okay.” He said softly,

“I just want to sleep,” you whispered,

He nodded, “Ok lets get you to sleep,”

James took you to one of the spare bedrooms and gave you a t-shirt to sleep in.

“Will you stay with me please?” you asked him quietly as you got into bed,

“Of course, doll,” He replied, getting into the bed beside you, and embracing you.

You lay in James’ embrace for almost an hour in silence, you were numb. The words Luke had said playing over and over in your head. Your frustration building up the more you thought about it.

“James,” you whispered,

“Hmm..?”

You looked up into his ice blue eyes, his face centimeters from yours and without hesitation you kissed him.

His reaction seemed tense at first but then he leaned into it. You linked your arms around his neck, fervently kissing him. Your mind was numb to what you were doing, all you knew is that you wanted to feel something.

James pulled you closer to him, not breaking the kiss. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, you moved away slightly and in one swift motion, pulled off the t-shirt you wore. Revealing your naked body.

“Y/N,” James said softly, “You don’t want this,”

“I do,” you replied pulling him towards you,

“You’re upset, you’re going to regret doing this.” He said, as he kissed you,

“Bucky…please…” was all you said, before he was kissing you passionately again,

James took his shirt off, exposing his perfectly muscular body. Your hands roamed across his chiseled chest as he kissed your neck, he pulled back and looked at you, the lust in his eyes igniting a fire inside of you. James got between yours legs, pressing his body against yours. You could feel his arousal, as he pulled his shorts of. Your heart was racing, the adrenaline coursing through your veins made your arousal feel like fire.

His lips crashed against yours again, and he moved down to your neck, kissing, biting and sucking as he went across your bare breasts. A soft moan escaped your lips, and you just wanted to feel, that was it, in this moment you just wanted to feel something.

“need you…in me,” you panted,

And James hesitated for a second, and looked at you. “Protection,” you whispered, and he acknowledged pulling out protection from the drawer beside the bed. Wrapping your legs around his hips, you pull him in. You sighed lustfully at the feel and the fit, not thinking about anything but sex in that moment, you needed to take your mind of Luke. it was torturous. James began to move languidly above you, setting the rhythm painstakingly slow but passionate.

“Bucky,” you moaned against his chest, feeling your pleasure building and the ecstasy of an orgasm approaching.

A few minutes later, you rake your nails across his back as you came ecstatically. Sighing his name as you did, James followed a few seconds later.

He rested his head on the crook of your neck, both of you gasping in post coital euphoria. James rolled over and lay beside you, and you cover up your nakedness with the bed-sheets. Your mind is calm, even with the calamitous, momentous weight the deed the two of you had just committed.


	5. Morning after misktakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DROP ME LOTS OF FEEDBACK, I’M DYING TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK!
> 
> A whole lot of feels...

The run had already risen when you awake the next morning, your phone was buzzing loudly beside the bed. Events of the previous night come flooding back the moment you opened your eyes, squeezing your eyes shut you hold back tears. Eventually the buzzing of your phone annoyed you and you opened your eyes and reached for your phone, it was Natasha.

‘Fuck.’ Was your first thought, considering you had just slept with her ex-boyfriend,

James had left during the early hours of the morning, you assumed to sleep in his own bed. So you were alone in the room, you slid your thumb across the screen and answer her call,

“Hey Nat,” you say tiredly,

“Y/N, Oh my god are you okay? Where are you?” she screeched into the receiver,

“Nat, I’m fine, I’m at Bucky’s.” You reply groggily,

“Bucky’s? why are you there?” Natasha said, her voice hardening.

“Ugh, it’s a long story Nat, I’ll come and see you in a bit,” You said not wanting to get into what happened last night again,

“Y/N, Luke is back…” she said softly, “I went to your apartment and it was wrecked, I was so worried,”

“I know Nat, I promise I’ll explain everything, I just need to get my bearings ok?”

This seemed to pacify her, because she made you promise on her unborn child you would come see her for lunch at work and then she hung up.

You looked at the time on your phone screen and almost had a heart attack, it was 9:30 in the morning. You were grossly late for work. Scrambling out of bed, you rushed to the bathroom and hastily showered, but soon realized you had no clue where James had taken your clothes last night. When you exited the bathroom, you saw a garment bag hanging on the coat hanger with a small note,

‘Thought you might need a change of clothes, Artur has organized you breakfast and will take you to work. I had to go see my father, I will see you later,’

Bucky

You read the note and crumpled it up, tossing it into the trash. The coldness of the note kind of annoyed you but you couldn’t think of that right now. You hastily got dressed in the jeans and t-shirt James had sourced for you and pulled on the pair of sneakers before rushing out of the room.

As you headed out of James’ apartment, Artur his driver appeared, startling you. “Artur!” you exclaimed, almost dropping your phone,

“I am sorry Miss Y/L/N, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said apologetically,

“Oh no, its alright, Uh Bucky mentioned you would take me to work?” you said, giving him a smile,

“Yes, and here is your breakfast” Artur said handing you a cup of coffee and a brown paper bag,

You mumbled thanks and he led you down to the garage where he then drove you to work.

When you arrived at work, you did your best to sneak into the office, but Maria was waiting for you the moment you pulled your lab coat on.

“You’re late,” She said in a sing song voice, walking up to you.

“Ugh Maria, go away,” you mutter, pulling up a chair to your desk,

“Where were you?” Maria pestered, “With dreamy Steveeee?”

You ignored her, but she still pressed on, “He’s so dreamy, don’t you think?” she paused for a moment then grabbed your shoulder, “Oh my god, is that a hickey!” She hissed excitedly,

Your heart began to race in your chest, Bucky had given you a hickey. “Maria, I’m going to kill you, fuck off.” You whispered at her and then shoved away from your desk and rushed to the bathroom,

Once in the bathroom, you examined the hickey on your neck. It was a rather large blue and red spot which was clearly unmistakable to what you were doing when you got it. You groaned loudly and pulled out your make up bag, needing to apply concealer to hide the monstrous hickey. You made a mental note to punch James in the face when you saw him for leaving this hickey on you.

As you rushed out of the bathroom to head back to your desk you bumped into Bruce,

“Hey, Y/N” he greeted you warmly,

“Bruce, hey,” you reply, trying to walk away but he followed you,

“Everything okay?” He asked, “You look flustered,”

“Just having a shitty morning,” you mumbled, you both worked on the same floor, in the same lab so this conversation was inevitable.

“Nat mentioned Luke was back,” He started,

But you threw him a glance and he knew you didn’t want to talk about it, “Sorry Bruce, it’s not that I don’t want to talk, I came to work late this morning, I have so much to do before I have lunch with Nat, maybe join us?”

Bruce nodded understandingly, “Yeah sure of course, I’ll join you, let me know if you need anything” he said then went off to his side of the lab.

You tried to hurry through your work, but your phone kept ringing, you were purposefully ignoring it in your draw but eventually you had to answer the text messages.

It was Steve and regret hits you instantly. You had completely forgotten to get back to him last night.

‘Hey Y/N, I hope everything is okay, tried calling earlier but I am assuming you are at work already. Can we meet for lunch today? If you are free?’ 7:05AM

‘I don’t want to seem clingy but are you okay?’ 8:09AM

‘Let me know about lunch, I need to see you.’ - 3 minutes ago

You sighed and unlocked your phone and began to type a reply to Steve,

‘Hey Steve, I am so sorry for not getting back to you earlier, Its been a hectic morning. I can’t do lunch I’m seeing Natasha but come by my place at around 4PM today?’

You hit send and then place your phone back in the desk, minutes later it dings with a response from Steve,

‘Yeah sure, I’ll swing by later, everything okay though?’

You read the message, not knowing whether to tell him the truth or just lie. So, you did the obvious thing,

‘Yeah it is, I’ll see you later okay? Bring Chinese food.’

After that you turned your focus back to your work entirely, you needed to get through as much s you could before you left the office again for the day. You had gotten so immersed in your work you almost didn’t see the time, Natasha had sent you four text messages demanding to know where you were.

Once again you were gathering up your belongings and rushing through the office, you grab your phone and dial Natasha quickly, she answers on the first ring

“Where the hell are you?” Natasha demanded,

“Nat, I am so sorry, I am on my way” you quickly say ruefully,

“You better be, I am fucking starving and eating for two!” She snapped and then hung up,

As you arrive at the restaurant, you see Natasha already waiting for you, looking impatient as all hell. She didn’t bother to get up and greet you, instead she crossed her arms and looked at you, clearly annoyed.

“Ok first of all, I am so sorry I’m late.” You start to say,

“You better dam well be,” Natasha says, “I have been waiting for almost an hour!”

“I got caught up at work,” You explain,

“You’re always caught up with work Y/N, that’s just it!” Natasha vented, “You haven’t come around the house in ages, and I am planning a wedding without my best friend, you are so caught up in your own shit all the time you never care for those around you. You haven’t asked me once how I am or your godchild is!”

You remained silent, Natasha was right, and in this moment, you had no leg to stand on after what you had done last night.

“I am not trying to fight with you, Y/N, I know with Luke being back how things are, but it would be nice if I could have my best friend back sometime.” Nat sighed,

“You’re right, I have been selfish” You say, “And I am so sorry for that, I know I haven’t been very present for the wedding planning and I promise I’ll be there for you more, and I would very much like to know how you and my godchild are” you smiled at her for god measure,

Natasha smiled back and sighed again, “Okay, wait. Luke’s back…” she trailed off,

“Yeah, he came to see me last night…” You said and then recounted what had happened with Luke at your apartment, and why you stayed at James’, of course leaving out the part where the two of you slept together.

“Shit, so what are you going to do?” Natasha asked, after hearing the events from last night

“I don’t know, I hate Luke, with every fiber of my being for what he did to me and every time i see him it just breaks me all over again,” You replied, massaging your temples as a dull headache had begun

“I don’t understand how he thinks he can just come back after all this time,” She mused, chewing on a breadstick,

“Bucky said the same thing,” You said, without thinking,

Natasha was quiet for a moment as she observed you, “Since when is James, Bucky to you?” she asked softly,

You looked at her, in confusion, “What?”

“James hates it when people call him Bucky,” she noted,

“And?”

She shrugged, “Nothing, I guess.”

You were both silent for a moment, then Natasha spoke again, “Anyway the wedding is 3 weeks away and you still haven’t chosen your maid of honor dress.” She said, “We should do that soon.”

As lunch went on, you and Natasha discuss various agendas for her wedding. Not brining up James or Luke or Steve for the rest of the afternoon. Just enjoying each other’s company, wholeheartedly like you used to. 

At 4 o’clock you headed home expecting Steve to be on his way but as you arrived home, a text popped up from him saying he had a late meeting with his agent and he promised to make it up to you.

It worked to your advantage as your apartment was a wreck, when you walked in, there was glass everywhere. Sighing you put down your stuff and got to cleaning up your apartment.

Two tiring hours later, you had cleaned up all the glass or as much as you could see, knowing you would have to get the cleaning service in here soon. You turned on the TV and set about getting ready for a relaxed night, you needed some quiet time to think about everything that had occurred in the last 12 hours.

You had just gotten out the shower when the doorbell rang, you weren’t expecting anyone, so you quickly pulled on a silky night gown and headed to the front door to investigate. Your heart dropped when you looked through the viewing hole, it was Luke.

‘Fuck.’ You thought, and backed away from the door. The last thing you needed was another confrontation with him.

“Y/N, I can hear you, open up please.” Luke said, you could hear he was drunk. Knowing you were going to regret this, you flung the door open and looked at him,

“What do you want now Luke?” You demanded,

He looked at you in surprise, and then took a step towards you, “Y/N, I am so sorry!” he exclaimed,

You didn’t respond to him, only sighed. Crossing your arms over your chest you glowered at him.

“Please say something?” He begged,

“I have nothing to say to you Luke,” you replied coldly,

He stared at you for a moment and then reached out and touched your face, you immediately shy away from his touch. “Please leave.” You say and then shut the door in his face.

You huffed angrily as you hear him leaving and went back to your bedroom, it was only 7PM but you were done with this day. You checked your phone to see if James had called or even sent a text but nothing, in your angry state you typed a message to him.

‘So, you fuck me and then avoid me all day? Two can play that game.’

You hit send, turning off your phone, you grabbed the sleeping pills from the bedside table, downed two and flopped onto your bed. Hoping to wake up to a better day tomorrow.

Two days later, you are sitting in the lab, working your life away as usual. When there’s a knock on the glass door. You turn around and to your amazement it’s Steve, followed almost too closely by Maria who had a huge grin on her face.

Steve held a bouquet of white roses in his hands as you beckon them into the lab.

“Hello Y/N,” He says shyly,

“Steeevee,” you coo, going over to hug him,

Maria is standing in the doorway, almost looking like she was going to explode if she didn’t say something. You throw her a look and she quickly scrambles out the lab, the glass doors sliding shut behind her.

“Are those for me?” you ask Steve, gesturing at the beautiful bouquet,

“Oh yeah, sorry.” He handed them to you quickly, making you laugh at how awkward he was being,

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you at work, I just missed…” Steve paused, “Your company, I also owe you for bailing on you the other night,”

You chuckled, “It’s okay, I needed a break anyway, or I am going to lose my mind in this lab.” You replied, flipping Y/H/C over your shoulder with a sigh,

Steve just stared at you for a moment, with a funny look on his face.

“What?” you ask suddenly feeling self-conscious, you realize you were wearing a lab coat, your hair was a mess and you hadn’t exactly dressed in the most professional work attire, wearing black jeans, brown boots and a khaki green t-shirt

“You’re just,” Steve mumbled, “So fucking pretty,”

You were taken aback by his comment, and you couldn’t formulate a response, you stood there looking like an idiot. “No, I’m not,” you finally replied like you were a 6-year-old,

Steve grinned at you, and it dawned on you how much he liked you. Here was the big movie star Steven Grant Rogers, standing in your lab, basically confessing his feelings for you and you didn’t know what to do.

Steve cleared his throat, “So shall we eat here? I saw the canteen in this building and it looks fantastic.” He said,

“Yeah, we could eat here or alternatively we could got upstairs and eat on Tony’s floor, there’s a restaurant there.” You suggested, shrugging off your lab coat and walking out with him.

“Your boss has a restaurant on his floor?” Steve said, laughing, “That man thinks of everything!” 

Steve’s laugh was so infections. The two of you head a couple of floors up to the penthouse area, Tony had made the whole floor like one giant fun-house for himself, there was a bowling alley, a cinema, a restaurant, laser tag, everything you could think of really.

Steve whistled as you walked to the restaurant, there were people walking about, everyone was allowed up here. “This place is amazing,” he mused,

“Yeah, Tony has a knack for the theatrical,” You replied,

As you arrived at the restaurant, one of the chefs who knew you came up to the two of you, a big smile on his face. “Y/N! how nice to see you! Ah and you have brought a guest,” he says shaking Steve’s hand,

Steve introduced himself and then you were seated. Half way through eating Steve suddenly asked you a question you weren’t expecting,

“You were engaged to Luke Charles?” He asked,

You were mid-sentence when he asked that question and you in a very dramatic way dropped your fork.

“How the fuck did you know that?” You said, “Oh wait, don’t answer that. I am assuming Natasha told you,”

“No she didn’t tell me anything, I went to school with Luke Charles,” Steve explained, “I hadn’t seen him in years, and we bumped into each other he other day, he mentioned he was here to see his fiancé, and then I saw him outside your apartment that night and kind of put two and two together. But your reaction obviously told me things didn’t end well so,”

You looked down at your food and sighed, your appetite was suddenly gone. “Luke and I dated for 3 years and were engaged for 1,” You said, “But then he left me, for another woman without so much as a second thought. That night he came to my place, he wanted to get back together with me,” you trailed off, not wanting to get into too much detail,

Steve was quiet for a moment then he took your hand in his, “I’m sorry,” was all he said, but he had such kindness in his eyes you couldn’t help but smile at him, your mood lifting slightly.

After lunch, you gave Steve a tour of the floor, the two of you playing bowling, hit the arcade and you found out Steve was an amazing dancer and great at guitar hero. The whole afternoon spent with Steve was nothing short of spectacular, he was funny, charming and witty, and he kept you on your toes the entire time. The conversations flowed between you two like you were the oldest of friends and the silences were comfortable.

As he was about to leave, you suddenly had an idea. “Hey Steve, do you want to be my date to Natasha’s wedding?” you blurt out,

A huge smile broke out on Steve’s face, “God, I have been waiting for you to ask me that!” he exclaimed, “And yes, I would fucking love that!”. You couldn’t help but feel all giddy at the thought of Steve in a tuxedo at a wedding, but shoving those thoughts back you bid him goodbye with a kiss on the cheek and head to Natasha’s, whom you had promised you would have dinner with tonight.

The rain was coming down in torrents when you arrived at Bruce and Nat’s home, trying to get out of the cab as quickly as possible, you run for the door rapidly ringing the bell while buckets of water poured down on you, soaking you.

A few seconds later the gate was buzzed open and you rushed in, dripping water everywhere. Bruce greeted you at the door, and immediately ordered you to go upstairs before dinner and change out of your wet clothes. To which you gratefully obliged.

When you made your way back downstairs, in sweatpants and a t-shirt, you immediately froze on the staircase. You could distinctively hear James’ voice coming from the living room, Sam was there too.

You hadn’t seen or heard from James since that night at his place, he hadn’t bothered to call you or reply to your texts. In some ways you had brought it on yourself because you wanted to sleep with him, but you honestly thought it would be different for the two of you. determined to be completely undeterred by his presence, you take a deep breath and walk in to the living room, a smile plastered on your face.

Sam was the first to get up and greet you,

“Hello stranger,” he said giving you a hug, “Where have you been?”

“Hello Sam,” you replied, returning his affection

Natasha was already talking to you about wedding details, before you even sat down. James doesn’t get up to greet you, and you didn’t even glance in his direction, instead you threw yourself into the wedding conversation with Natasha.

“Also, I saw you changed your invite to plus one,” Natasha said, grinning at you as the two of you set the table for dinner,

You looked at her trying to hide your smile, “Yeah, Steve’s going to be my date,” you say trying to act calm, but Nat could see right through you

“So, are you two dating now?” She pressed,

“No, god no, we are just seeing where this goes okay, don’t make it weird Natasha!” you replied, throwing her a look,

The two of you talked a little more about Steve and the wedding and then Natasha went to the kitchen to sort out the food and you stepped out onto the balcony, you took a seat on the edge of the wall, twirling the wine glass you had in your hand, lost in thought.

“Hey, you,” James’ deep voice sounded quietly beside you, startling you.

“God dammit Bucky,” you hissed, you don’t know why you’d started calling him Bucky, but after you’d slept together something had changed, and it just seemed to fit better, “Why do you always sneak up on me,”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he muttered, closing the balcony door and taking a seat next to you,

“Oh, are we talking now?” you said sarcastically, shifting away from him

“Y/N,” James sighed, “I owe you an apology,” he began

But you cut him off, you really weren’t interested in whatever he was going to say, you had enough shit to deal with as it is, with Luke being back and you liked Steve, a lot. You didn’t want to jeopardize that over Bucky. “Bucky, you don’t owe me anything, we fucked, its done and over. I just thought I meant more to you than that, but I guess not. I don’t know where this leaves our friendship, but I have enough going on in my life without trying to understand you or it,”

He was silent, James just looked at you and then sighed deeply. “I am sorry I haven’t been around, I just…” he hesitated, “I didn’t know how to face you after what we did, I took advantage of you in that state and it was so wrong,”

“First of all, I consented to it and secondly, you’re a coward.” You snapped at him,

“Y/N…” James said, almost pleadingly,

“No Bucky, I adore you but you’re a selfish coward, I wanted to see you after, I needed to, but you just…ugh” you stopped yourself before you said something you’d regret and then took a deep breath,

James had a pained look in his face, you could see he was sorry, but he didn’t know how to fix it.

“I’m going inside,” you muttered and then left him standing in the now drizzling evening.

_______________

The weeks leading up to Natasha and Bruce’s wedding flew by and the weekend of their wedding had arrived. You had been so preoccupied with your maid of honor duties you had to take time off work to help Natasha with everything.

You had all gone out to the Hamptons as that’s where the venue was, Natasha and Bruce had spared no expense on their wedding. Mostly Nat had insisted on only the best for her first wedding, the fantastic location which was situated next to the beach was already well on the way to being ready for the wedding.

You were in the middle of giving all the bridesmaids their duties when you saw two of the girls exchange excited looks and one of them gasped, all staring behind you. you turn to see who it was they were all looking at, and you see Sam and Bucky walking towards you in sunglasses and boardshorts, their spectacular bodies on display for everyone to see.

James and you had been on speaking terms recently, you had to put your differences aside for Natasha’s sake. Not wanting to explain to anyone why you were fighting anyways. But the constant little arguments between the two of you were palpable, and you had both put on a façade for everyone.

“Hello ladies,” James said flirtatiously, the girls giggled, and you rolled your eyes,

“We’re busy, Shoo!” You said waving your hands to get rid of them,

“Take a break,” Sam said, “Come join us at the pool,”

One of the bridesmaid’s Kyra piped up, “Yes, lets take a break Y/N, I want to get my tan on!”

“I agree,” Serena, Natasha’s cousin said excitedly,

You looked at the other two bridesmaids, Wanda and Laura they shrugged. Not seeming to care much. Wanda hated James as of late and you didn’t want to know what he did to her, it was probably deserved hate.

“Alright fine, let’s go,” You sighed defeated,

You had gone back to your room to change into your swimsuit when you bumped into Natasha, she was on the phone arguing with her mother in Russian. You waited quietly until she was done, Nat looked like was about to burst into tears,

“My mom is going to miss the rehearsal dinner!” She sighed, “I can’t deal with her,”

You put your arms around her shoulder, “Nat, it’s your wedding weekend, deep breath, its going to be the happiest weekend of your life. Don’t let silly things ruin it,” you said to her giving her a smile of encouragement,

This made her smile, “Come on, we’re all going to the pool for some sun,” you say to her.

Sam and James were shamelessly flirting with Kyra and Serena when you and Nat arrived at the pool. They had ordered drinks for everyone, Sam was showing off his army scars and James was in the pool, resting on the edge looking up at you with his ice blue eyes, and you suddenly you were flustered by this.

You grabbed a drink from the table and began to take off your cover up, revealing your floral blue and yellow swimsuit. James got out of the pool, and walked up to you shaking his wet hair at you, “Ugh, fuck off Bucky,” you sighed, wiping off the droplets of water.

“You look good,” He whispered as he moved passed you, brushing his shirtless torso against you. You throw him a glare and flipped him off, “Better naked though,”

You made a disgusted noise and then went over to sit with Natasha and the rest of the girls, James knew he was getting under your skin and the only way you would talk to him was if he just annoyed the shit out of you. He was slowly wearing you down and you just wanted to be friends again, but you weren’t going to be the first one to break and say you missed him.

Relaxing by the pool was the best decision you all had made, a couple of frozen Margaritas later and you were feeling great. Just then you saw Steve and Bruce making their way toward the pool and you jumped up excitedly when you saw Steve. You had been so busy all week you hadn’t seen him, and you were rather thrilled knowing he was coming to the wedding.

You sauntered over towards him, animatedly walking like a model as you did.

He had a big smile on his face when he saw you, and he winked. It still dumbstruck you just how handsome he was, and with everything going on in your life, Steve seemed to be a happy anchor that kept you grounded.

“Hello gorgeous,” He said,

“I’m so glad you’re here,” You say happily, throwing your arms around his neck and giving him a hug.

“Yeah, me too. Glad I get to witness you in a bikini,” He joked,

You laughed, he always made you feel beautiful even if he wasn’t trying to.

“Come on, lets go say hi to everyone.” You said, grabbing his hand and dragging him to where all your friends were gathered.

_________________________________

 

Bucky had seen the whole exchange between Y/N and Steve, he had seen her entire demeanor change when she saw him and how excited she had gotten when he arrived, and it soured his mood. He had greeted Steve and then decided he had enough sun for one day and excused himself, not wanting to be around a bikini clad Y/N and the way Steve looked at her like she was the only girl in his world.

Grabbing a bottle of the whiskey from the hotel bar, Bucky made his way up to his room, wanting to drown his sorrows in the bottle of alcohol but to his surprise, Wanda was waiting for him at him room door.

“Wanda, what are you doing here?” He snapped, irritably.

“You” She responded, and then flung herself into his arms kissing him. Bucky didn’t stop her, he welcomed the distraction. 

_______________________________

That evening was the rehearsal dinner, you were in Natasha’s suite getting dressed for the night with the rest of the bridesmaids. Wanda was surprisingly happy for some reason, maybe it was the champagne but as she was zipping her dress up you saw the hickeys on her chest and neck and immediately knew what had happened. For some reason this knotted your stomach.

Your phone buzzed beside you as you were clipping on your tennis bracelet,

It was a text message from James.

‘Meet me by the fountain, 5 mins? Please…’

You sighed after you read it, and tossed your phone on to the bed. You looked at yourself fin the mirror, Natasha had chosen your outfit for the rehearsal dinner, it was a cream and lace dress, with a silky throw over jacket. It wasn’t really your style, but it was supposed to match her outfit. Natasha wore a black and white lace dress which accentuated all her curves.

You were dressed and ready to go, so you excused yourself for a moment, heading to the fountain to meet James. It was dark outside, so you were careful where you were walking on the cobbled pathway, in heels. James was waiting by the fountain, your heart jumped when you saw him, he looked devastatingly handsome in his black suit and tie. 

When he saw you he stood up straight, his eyes widening, “Holy fuck,” he breathed.

“What’s up Bucky?” you asked walking up to him,

He was shifting nervously from foot to foot, and fiddling with his tie. “I, Uhh, I wanted to, uhh, talk to you,” He stuttered,

“Stop fidgeting with your tie, you’re going to mess it up.” You said, swatting his hands away from the tie and straightening it.

You were standing in front of him less than a foot away, “What did you want to talk to me about?” You asked quietly, looking into his ice blue eyes,

James didn’t say anything for a moment, then out of the blue he pulled you towards him, his lips crashing onto yours. The kiss left you winded, but you pulled away,

“Bucky, No, I can’t.” you said breathlessly, your skin felt like it was on fire,

“Y/N,” him saying your name sent a lustful shiver down your spine, but you shook your head.

“I have to go,” you said and then turned on your heel and rushed back to the room.

All the way back to the room, your heart felt like it was going to explode. Your mind was racing, taking a deep breath, you entered the room just as Natasha and the rest of the girls were getting ready to leave.

“Oh, there you are, Lets go its about to start.” Nat said, she grabbed your hand and walked out of the room,

“You might want to touch up your lipstick,” Wanda said, handing you the pink shade you were wearing,

A blush crept into your cheeks, and you thanked her quickly turning away. You just needed to make it through this dinner without any incidents, the last thing you needed was being the mad of honor and starting drama at your best friend’s wedding.

The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch. You stayed away from Bucky, avoiding his gaze at all times. He tried to talk to you, multiple times but you were furious with him for what he had done, so you kept brushing him off. Instead focusing all your time on Steve, whom everyone loved. People were constantly coming up to him, asking for photos or an autograph, which was fun at first but then it started to annoy you.

Throughout the night Steve kept complementing you, he would tell everyone he got a chance to, that he was here with you. It gave you a fuzzy feeling to see how affectionate he was, Steve held you hand and danced with you, occasionally giving you a kiss on the cheek. You were enjoying the affection after being single for so long, Steve was the best catalyst to moving on from Luke.

Bucky watched this go on for the entire night, resenting every minute of it, Sam saw him looking at you longingly and eventually had to say something,

“So how long have you been in love with Y/N?” Sam said, as the two of them stood at the bar, watching you talk to Steve animatedly,

“What?” Bucky replied, shocked but pretending to be confused,

“Don’t bother lying to me, I spent half the night watching you pine after her like a lovesick puppy,” Sam laughed,

“Sam, please don’t say anything.” Bucky suddenly begged, “I don’t want Natasha to know,”

“Don’t want Natasha to know what?” both Sam and Bucky looked in the direction of the voice, it was Natasha.

“Uhhh, about your wedding gift,” Sam said quickly,

“Yeah, yeah your gift,” Bucky tried to cover his tracks but Nat didn’t look like she was buying it,

“What about it?” She said suspiciously crossing her arms over her chest,

“Well, if you must know” Bucky said, looking at Sam for help, but he shrugged “I was going to offer to pay for your entire nursery,”

Natasha’s mouth flew open in shock, “Bucky! That’s too much!” she hugged him,

Him and Sam exchanged a look,

“Anything for you Tash,” Bucky replied with a smile,

After the rather impromptu gift, Nat went off to tell Bruce about Bucky’s gift. Leaving Sam and him standing at the bar once more,

Bucky sighed, “I am fucked aren’t”

‘Yup, you are well and truly fucked, man” Sam agreed, gripping his shoulder sympathetically.


	6. The Wedding!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, Steve and the reader ..........It happens! I wrote two chapters back to back! I hope you love it!

The morning of the wedding…

You were rushing around trying to make sure everything gets done on time, caterers, flower deliveries, barmen, waiters, bustling everywhere. You were I charge of it all as Natasha got ready for her wedding, your head was spinning. There were so many things to get done, you didn’t know how you were going to get it all done in time, the other bridesmaids were helping out, but you felt like you needed to micromanage everything to make sure everything was perfect.

You were busy talking to the wedding planner when Steve came up to you and handed you a glass of wine, and a croissant. “Eat.” He ordered, “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Taking the food from him gratefully, you sat down for a moment and scarfed it down and then polished off the wine. “Thanks, I needed that” you sighed,

“Need help with anything?” Steve asked,

“There is just so much going, remind me if I ever get married to not have it this extravagant,” You said to him, laughing.

“Alright, well we’re around if you need our help,” He said, before you rushed off to deal with something else that had come up.

The rest of the morning was spent setting up the wedding, and when everything was finally done, you stood in the reception half and were absolutely stunned. They had done a phenomenal job of decorating the hall in the exact colors Natasha wanted.

You rushed off to your room to get showered and dressed for the wedding. When you walked into Natasha’s room, you stopped your jaw dropping. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress 

“Wow, Nat.” was all you could say when you saw her,

She had a big smile on her face, and you couldn’t be happier for her. She was going to marry the love of her life today. Nothing could be more exciting.

The rest of the bridesmaids were all getting into their gowns as soon as all your hair and make up was done, the bride tribe color was a cream and gold. Wanda helped you into your dress and zipped the back, “You look amazing,” Wanda said to your surprise,

“So, do you,” you replied giving her a smile,

You looked at yourself in the mirror after slipping on your heels, and smoothed the front of the dress. The strapless dress was easy and comfortable to move in. It was almost time to walk Natasha down the aisle, your nerves kicked in for her. But she looked ever so calm.

The clock struck 3PM and it was time. All of you lined up at the chapel doors, with your respective groomsmen. You looked back at Natasha and she had a huge grin on her face under her veil, you winked at her and then the church bells went off. signaling that it was time to begin the procession.

You stood beside Natasha at the altar, unable to keep the emotion down. She and Bruce gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes as they exchanged vows. Vowing to love each other to the end of time, in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, your heart felt so full of love for the two of them who loved each other so fiercely it made you believe in true love.

You glanced at Steve a couple of time during the procession, and he gaze you a dazzling smile that made your heart jump. He looked unbearably handsome in his tuxedo, his gorgeous blue eyes never leaving you the entire time. Steve, Bucky and Sam all sat beside each other, looking like a trio of the most handsome men at the wedding, all wearing black tuxedos.

Everyone cheered when they were finally announced as husband and wife and Bruce dipped Natasha kissing her deeply, and then the festivities began.

Natasha was thrilled at the way the reception hall had turned out, she profusely thank you for everything you had done, even though you hadn’t really done much and spent the rest of the time, staring lovingly into Bruce’s eyes.

James came up to you, and handed you a glass of champagne. “So, who knew Natasha would be the first of us to get married,” he mused,

As mad as you were at him, you accepted the champagne from him, your heart was too full of love in that moment to stay mad at him.

“Yeah, I guess that leaves three of us.” You replied smiling at him,

“Do you want to dance?” He asked,

You loved dancing with James, the two of you had such an easy rhythm between yourselves.

You let James lead you to the dance floor, it was just the two of you on the dance floor as he began to lead the dance, twirling and two stepping with you.

You both become so lost in dancing with each other you hadn’t noticed everyone at the reception watching you. When the song stopped, everyone erupted into applause and cheers to your surprise.

Both of you take a bow and then stepped of the dance floor, as the other guests all began to join in the dancing.

As you walked toward the bar, James stopped you and was about to say something to you but Wanda came walking up to inform you it was almost time for the speeches,

“Thanks for the dance Bucky,” you said quietly and kissed him on the cheek then left to go prepare your speech.

“Can I have a dance?” Steve asked, coming up to you after the speeches were done.

“Absolutely,” You replied, taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor,

As the two of you swayed to the music, Steve stared into your eyes. “Y/N,” he said softly, “I have a bit of a confession,”

“Oh no,” you joked,

Steve chuckled nervously, “Ok hear me out first,”

You nodded for him to proceed,

“I really like you and I know we haven’t discussed where this relationship is going but I would really like to be with you,” Steve said, bashfully

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling at him, you had been thinking about that a lot lately. You and Steve were kind of perfect for each other and you did want to date him, there were obviously logistical issues with his job etc, but that was a problem for later.

“God, yes I was waiting for you to ask me to be your girlfriend,” You gasped at him,

Steve laughed, “And maybe at some point tonight, can I kiss you?” he joked,

And before he could say anything else, you pulled his face to yours and locked lips with him.

The party continued well into the morning, everyone was drunk by the time you were saying goodnight to Bruce and Natasha.

Natasha was exceptionally excited because she had seen you kiss Steve, who wanted all the details which you promised her you would give her when she comes back from her honeymoon.

By the end of the evening, You and Steve walked back to your room together, he held your hand close to him, talking about his family.

When you reached your room door, you both hesitated, knowing that you were drunk. You look into his beautiful eyes, noticing there’s a bit of green in the blue of his irises. Steve moves closer to you, his face centimeters away from yours now, as he slowly brushes his lips against yours.

Your heart flutters in your chest as he does so, running your hands over his muscular arms you pull him towards you and he wraps his arms round your waist, deepening the kiss.

Eventually breaking the kiss for air, you look at him, “Stay with me tonight,” you whisper to him,

Steve doesn’t say anything, he just grabs your key card and unlocks the door, kissing you passionately into the room.

Steve unzips your dress in one swift movement, trailing kisses along your collarbone and neck as he did so. Each kiss sent a shiver through your body only building your anticipation of being with him, more.

As soon as you’re out of your dress, he picks you up and walks over to the bed, tossing you onto it gently. Your hands fumbling to get his shirt off, revealing his incredibly muscular body beneath it. Your heart was racing with anticipation, as his hands gripped your hips and pulled you towards him. Steve was rough and gentle at the same time, he took charge exploring your body with his hands and kisses.

You gasp as his hand dips between your legs, touching you. You nails digging into his shoulders with the pleasure he was giving you. Steve looks into your eyes and positions himself at your entrance. You shivered at the desire in his eyes, his lips crashing against yours, he is kissing you slowly, and passionately. Steve enters you, and you are instantly arching your back off the bed in pleasure, his girth significant. He shifts his position allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he moves in a steady rhythm in you, creating a tantalizingly ecstatic experience for you.

“Fuck, Steve,” you moaned, lustfully, you could feel your ecstasy building as you were approaching its edge. which only made him thrust harder. 

“Let go, Y/N” he said, barely a whisper, biting and kissing your shoulder.

The orgasm ripped through your body, the tingling sensation could be felt all the way to your toes, you bury your face in his neck in an attempt to muffle your screams, scratching at his back, as you tumbled through the ecstasy he brought you.

By the third time, the two of you tumble breathlessly onto the bed. You had sex three times in a row, without a break in between and it was possible the best sex you’d ever had.

“Do you think anyone heard me?” You asked, giggling. You had been pretty loud during the last time.

“Who cares, that was fantastic.” Steve replied, raking his hand through his now messy blonde hair.

You got out of the bed and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, the night had certainly taken a turn. You look at Steve, laying on the bed in all his gorgeous naked glory and your heart flutters. He was your boyfriend. 

____________________________

The next morning, you were to join the group for breakfast by the pool. Everyone was hungover, you felt like you were dying. Your head was pounding, and you had to wear sunglasses to hide from the brightness of the sun. You looked like utter shit, Steve on the other hand still looked as handsome as ever.

“How are you still this beautiful in the morning,” He said as the two of you made your way to the pool,

You look up at him and pulled a face, “Are you blind?” you joked, “I feel like I have been hit by a ton of bricks and I’m sure I look worse.”

Steve chuckled and shook his head, “Not from where I’m standing,” he said giving you a quick kiss on the lips. When you got to the table, the group looked like death.

Sam was holding his head in his hands, wearing sunglasses. James was covering his face with his arm, he barely looked alive after drinking so much last night. the bridesmaids were disheveled, and Wanda looked like she was going to throw up. Only Bruce and Natasha seemed their cheerful happy selves.

“Morning!” Nat said in a sing song voice when she saw you,

“Natashaaa” James groaned, “Too loud,”

You winced, “I agree with Bucky,” then took a seat at the table next to James, Steve sat beside you.

“How’s the hangover?” Sam asked,

“I feel like death,” you groaned, “I need like 52 liters of water.”

All of you had drank copious amounts of alcohol last night. James looked up at you for a moment, then glanced at Steve, he didn’t say anything because he could tell by your body language what had happened between the two of you. Steve sat beside you, holding your hand in his lap.

Just then the waiter appeared with the breakfast for everyone, and as soon as everyone had some coffee and pancakes in them the mood lightened and you all began to enjoy yourselves a little more.

____________________________________

Several weeks after the wedding, you felt like you were living on cloud nine. Work was fantastic, you had made a massive break through with the Arc reactor you were working on, your relationship was amazing, Steve spent almost every night with you at your place or you were at his, he was so inherently affectionate and kind with you, sometimes it was hard to believe he was real. You thought it was because he knew how shitty your previous relationship was but as time went on, you realized it was just who he was. Steve was kind to a default, he was giving and sweet and affectionate and probably the best sex you’d ever had. Every night with him, you learned something new about him or vice versa. It was kind of hard dating him and going out in public as everywhere you went the gossip websites and paparazzi had a field day snapping away and writing up new stories about you. 

You hadn’t seen James, or Sam in a while and you missed your friends, but you had been so occupied with Steve that he had filled that void.

Bruce and Natasha had gone on honeymoon for almost 3 weeks to Bora Bora, and you were missing them terribly. You had so much to tell Natasha when she came back, you were practically exploding with information.

It was a sunny Saturday morning, you were bustling about the kitchen in Steve’s home, making breakfast. When your phone rang, you ignored it at first as you were otherwise preoccupied, if it was important they would call again,

The ringer sounded again, and this time you grabbed it off the counter and looked at the caller ID. It was a number you did not know,

“Hello?” you answer into the receiver,

“Hi, Am I speaking to Miss Y/L/N?” a female’s voice asked,

“Yes, speaking.” You replied,

“I am calling from Lennox Hill hospital,” she said, and your heart dropped, you didn’t know who it was but the moment you hear a hospital your mind began race with every outcome,

“There’s been an accident,” the lady on the other end continued, “We have a James Buchanan Barnes and you are listed as his emergency contact, it would be best if you came straight away,”

You dropped the glass you were holding, your heart thundering in your chest. “Oh my god, is he okay? What happened?” you cried out, panicking.

“Ma’am, it would just be best if you came right away,” the woman repeated,

Steve came rushing into the kitchen when he heard the commotion, “Y/N what’s wrong, what happened?” he asked,

You hung up the phone immediately, tears threatening to fall. You didn’t want to panic just yet but there was a pit in your stomach.

“It’s Bucky, somethings happened,” you choke out and then rush out of the kitchen, Steve following closely behind you.

You pulled on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers and were rushing out the door before Steve could even stop you, “Y/N let me drive you,” he said, following you out,

“I have to go Steve, I’ll be fine.” You insisted, giving him a kiss and getting into the cab.

You were racing down the halls of the hospital, your footfalls thudding on the linoleum. Around you people knew why you were rushing and no one stopped you, the moment you reached the information desk, you gasped for air,

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you gasped to the nurse at the desk, breathing heavily.

She nodded her head and then looked at her computer screen for a moment typing something in, “He just left for surgery, you will need to wait in the OR waiting room.” She said,

You looked at her name tag, it read Alana,

“Alana, what happened?” you choked out,

“Miss, I can’t inform you without the doctor’s consent,” she started,

“Please, I am begging you,” you cut her off, pleadingly,

She sighed, you knew she probably experienced desperate people like you every day, “I’ll go and get doctor Van Dyne, she’s his first responded doctor.” Then she stood up and left.

You slumped down onto the nearest chair, your chest tight. You felt like you were having a panic attack, your mind whirling with different situations as to what had happened. A few minutes passed and then a voice was interrupting your thoughts,

“Miss Y/L/N?” a woman’s voice said in front of you,

You looked up, It was the doctor.

You immediately stand up, waiting for her to start talking. “James was in a car accident,” She began, “He sustained severe injuries to his skull and chest cavity. We have taken him to surgery to try and repair the damage to his skull, but right now with the hemorrhaging we are hoping for the best.” The doctor paused, “I would prepare yourself for the worst,” she said quietly,

You hand flew up to your mouth, and you let out a choked sob. You knew the happy moments in your life could only last for so long, before the other shoe dropped. You just weren’t prepared for such a big shoe to drop. 

You sat down on the edge of the seat, tears falling freely. “Have faith,” the doctor said, placing a hand on your shoulder to comfort you before she walked away.

In the grueling hours you sat in the OR waiting room, you had called Sam, and Steve to let them know what had happened. Both of them rushed over to be with you, Sam sat beside you and comforted you as best he could, you could see the pain and worry in his eyes as he tried to be strong for both of you.

Steve made sure you were okay every half an hour, asking if you needed anything or if he could do something for you. you appreciated him being there, it brought you some comfort. After 6 hours of waiting, one of the doctors called your name as he walked out of the OR wing,

All three of you jumped to your feet when he came over to you. your heart hammering in your chest as you made a silent prayer for good news.

“We have managed to stop the bleeding in his brain, and chest, he is going to be in ICU for a while. But I would prepare yourselves for the fact that he may have brain damage, memory loss” The doctor said, and you burst into tears, Steve put his arms around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest, soothing you,

“I am sorry, but you should also be prepared for the fact that he may never wake up,” said the doctor,

And suddenly it was like your world came crashing down around you, your head was spinning, and you were gasping for air. You shoved Steve away from you and started running, Steve called after you frantically, but you didn’t know where to, you just needed to escape this nightmare.


	7. It's all a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s smut and angst and mild anxiety, hope you like this shit because I had so much fun writing this as usual!

The steady beeping of the heart rate monitor in the room was the only thing keeping you awake, you sat at the table, working on your project at hand but you were distracted. Every few minutes you would glance up at James, if it wasn’t for the steady rise and fall of his chest, you would think he was dead.

In the two weeks he had been in the hospital, he had grown slight stubble, his face serene and the bruising was fading. James hadn’t woken up since the accident as the doctor had warned you, but you had hope. Natasha was devastated when she came back and found out about James, she came every day since coming back to see him but there were no changes. You hadn’t left his side, only going home for a change of clothes and to pick up your workload from the office. Tony was very understanding to the whole situation, Sam had been helpful with anything and everything he could, he knew what it was like to sit around waiting for someone to pull through an accident.

James’ mother and sister came the moment you were able to contact them, and were in and out of the hospital every couple of hours to check on him. His mom wasn’t very fond of you being there all the time, she was one of those classist ladies, but she was polite enough, turns out his sister Rebecca loved you. she’d heard stories from James about you and she wanted to be a scientist as well, much to the dismay of her mother, when you saw the disgusted look on her face.

And Steve, was the perfect boyfriend through it all. He stayed with you when you needed him to and gave you space when you wanted to be alone. You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect partner in this situation, Steve knew how much James meant to you and he didn’t question it.

You tossed your pen onto the table tiredly, you had been staring at a molecular structure for almost an hour, getting nothing done. Deciding you needed some coffee to keep you going, you quietly exited the private hospital room and headed to the cafe nearby.

You saw in a seat near the window, the late afternoon sun dipping across the horizon, gazing listlessly into your coffee cup. Praying silently for James to come back to all of you, when someone beside you said your name,

“Y/N?” you look up and your heart stopped for a second, it was Luke.

It didn’t matter how long it had been since you last saw each other, or the fact that you had moved on, seeing him always hurt your heart more than you cared to admit.

“Luke…” You said softly looking up at him, beside him stood a woman, whom you could only assume was his girlfriend, she was a gorgeous brunette who looked like she was a Victoria Secret model.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him,

“Doctor’s appointment,” he said,

The woman didn’t wait for him to introduce her, she stuck her hand out “I am Blaire”, Luke’s fiance,” she said, she had a French accent.

Your heart dropped further when she said the word fiancé, you looked at him and then politely shook her hand with a small smile on your face, “Y/N,” you said,

“How do you two know each other?” She asked,

You looked at Luke, letting him answer the question, as you weren’t sure what to say to her. “We went to college together,” he responded, not taking his eyes off you,

“May we sit?” Blaire asked, gesturing to the seats in front of you,

You really didn’t want to share a table with Luke and his fiancé, but you were trapped in this moment, so you just nodded. Your hands slightly shaking from your frayed nerves. Luke always had this power over you, he could reduce you to a mere shaking pathetic puddle just by standing near you.

“Uh we should get going darling,” Luke said, seeing the look on your face and obviously not wanting his ex-fiancé and current fiancé to mingle with each other. your heart hurt when you heard him call her darling,

“Nonsense, it’s your college friend, we have time to kill before the OB appointment,” She stated then took a seat, when she removed her jacket, you see beneath her dress a clear baby bump, she looked at least 7 months pregnant.

You looked at Luke, with a slightly shocked look on your face, was she pregnant when he was at your apartment a few months ago confessing his love for you, did he know back then?

“What brings you to the hospital?” Blaire asked you, sipping the tea in front of her with a manicured hand,

“A friend, he’s here.” You rely curtly,

“Oh, that’s terrible, what happened?” she pressed on,

“Car accident,”

Luke looked at you, saying nothing, his gaze almost piercing your soul. You suddenly felt small and exposed sitting with them and you had to get out of the café.

“Uh sorry, I have to go,” you mumbled and grabbed your belongings before rushing out. Leaving a very confused looking Blaire and Luke staring after you, longingly.

The moment you walked back into the hospital waiting room, your knees buckled. You felt weak, seeing Luke had always done that to you, you leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths. He was engaged to her, the woman he left you for, and they were having a baby. You weren’t ready for the toll that information was going to take on you, feeling a bubble of panic rising in your chest you grab your phone, forgetting where you were for a moment, and opened your contacts scrolling to James’ name.

You froze, when the realization hit you and you remembered where you where, and that James was not just a call away at that moment.

“Ma’am are you okay?” a nurse said, concerned, “You look pale,”

You looked up at her, and nodded, “I’m fine,” you replied,

She didn’t seem convinced, but she accepted your answer and then walked away. You needed to get out of this hospital, it felt like the walls were closing in on you. And it was as if there was someone out there in the universe looking out for you in your moment of need, Steve walked through the hospital door.

You were so eternally grateful when you saw him, you flung your arms around his neck before he could even say hello, and the tears started to fall.

“Hey, what’s wrong,” Steve asked worriedly,

“Can we leave? Please” You said to him, still hugging him tightly,

“Of course, we can,” he replied softly, still holding you close to him, he leads you out of the hospital and you almost sigh with relief when you get into his car. That hospital was stifling enough without having to bump into Luke.

Steve took you to dinner, and tried his utmost to cheer you up, but with him being on billboards and on the silver screen his anonymity was rare and there were photographers outside the moment the two of you hit the side walk, and fans constantly asking for autographs. You breathed a sigh of relief when his bodyguard finally hauled you into the restaurant,

“I’m sorry Y/N,” Steve said, as the two of you sat down at one of the tables,

“It’s fine,” you reply sighing, “Maybe we should just get our dinner to go,” gazing at the widow where the photographers still stood, you knew tomorrow morning you were going to be on the cover of some gossip magazine again and it frustrated you.

“Of course, we can,” Steve said, then signaled for one of the waiters who rushed over to take his order.

Once Steve had grabbed the dinner, the two of you snuck out the back of the restaurant and headed to his place. Sometimes it was a little overwhelming being in Steve’s world, the bodyguards, the cameras, the fans, it gave you anxiety.

_______________________________________

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked, as the two of you climbed into bed later that evening.

“Much better,” you sighed contently, snuggling up to him. It was true, Steve had spent the whole evening trying to make you feel better and you really appreciated it. These last two weeks had been hard, but he had been consistently trying to make it better for you.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he replied giving you a kiss,

“Steve,” you say softly, returning his kiss, “Thank you for the being so patient these past few weeks,”

“Of course, I’d do anything to make you happy,” he said, brushing his lips against your jaw,

You couldn’t help but smile, “How do you always know exactly what to say?”,

“It’s easy with you,” he chuckled,

“Which is saying something, since I am not easy” you joked,

Steve was quiet for a moment, as he nuzzled your neck placing soft kisses as he did so. Then almost inaudibly he whispered, “Because I’m in love with you,”

Your heart felt like it stopped for a moment, when you didn’t say anything Steve pulled back and looked at you, concern evident on his face. “Y/N…” he said quietly,

You didn’t know what to say, you liked Steve more than you had anyone else since Luke, but it was all happening a little fast. “You don’t have to say anything,” Steve stuttered, and you didn’t. Instead you pulled him toward you, kissing him eagerly.

Steve returned the kiss, with desperation. His hands roaming everywhere, he tugged at your t-shirt, slipping his hand beneath your shirt. He held you tightly and kissed you furiously, he moved down along your neck and collar bone, nipping at the skin as he went. Each kiss sent a shiver through your body, he moved down to your breasts, tugging on your nipples with his teeth. You arched your back, and moaned as he descended further along your stomach and nipped at your hipbones, his fingers gripping onto your hips, as he dipped his head between your legs, he peppered kisses along your inner thighs as he pulled off your underwear, coming to a stop at your core, you propped yourself up onto your elbows and gazed down at him, his clear blue eyes piercing into you.

“S-steve,” you moaned, running your fingers through his soft blonde hair. He swirled his tongue against your clit, and your head fell back in pleasure. Steve repeated the action and your moans were no longer quiet, and he increased the pressure and movement until you were entirely worked up, gripping onto the sheets your toes curling as your orgasm built. The steady strokes on his tongue made you breathless as your orgasm approached, and then it rips through you, and you cried out in pleasure, your moans getting louder with each wave of ecstasy that washed over you.

Steve kissed his was back up your body and then captured your lips with his. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful” he said huskily brushing his lips against yours, “I could do this forever,” then he got between your legs and positioned himself at your entrance, and extended the tip of his member into you. Your mouth fell open into a silent ‘OH’ as you felt the pressure of him inside of you, Steve kissed you, his tongue immediately trying to find yours as he pushed himself into you, inch by inch until he was buried deep inside of you.

He let out a satisfied sigh, and moved slowly above you, gazing into your eyes as he did so. This wasn’t fucking, it was lovemaking. It was languid, measured, passionate. “Oh god,” you sighed, digging your nails into his back as he kept thrusting inside of you,

Under Steve’s piercing gaze, you felt exposed and vulnerable, but it was everything you needed. Steve’s breathing was getting heavy as he continued to slow fuck you, with every passing moment, you both inched closer to your orgasm and your moans were getting loud and breaths rapid.

“I love you Y/N,” Steve said headily, as he began to speed up his thrusts,

“Steve, I” you started but before you could finish, both of you were tumbling into an ecstatic orgasm as you both came at the same time. Steve bit your neck as you both rode out your respective orgasms, 

He fell beside you, both of you panting heavily, covered in a soft post coital sweat. Your mind was spinning, that had been the most amorous love making experience you had ever had and with a man who was totally and absolutely in love with you. And there was a moment through it all when you had actually felt like you were in love with him as well,

“Hey,” Steve said softly beside you, brushing his fingers on your naked chest, “You’re doing that thing again”

You turned to look at him, “What thing?”

“Where you get lost in your head,” He said, propping himself onto his elbow and gazing down at you. “What’s on your mind?” Steve asked,

“Nothing worth mentioning,” you replied, kissing his jaw then getting out of bed, needing to use the bathroom, you gave him a smile before you shut the door behind you.

__________________________

That night you slept restlessly, you knew it was because of Steve’s confession and you were grappling with it, unsuccessfully. You knew you had strong feelings for Steve but it all felt so rushed, you had only been dating officially for 2 months, was it possible for you to love him after such a brief time. He certainly wasn’t shy to admit he loved you, and there the other obstacle of his lifestyle and job, it was all things that hindered your ability to let yourself love or be loved and you could feel yourself trying to escape your feelings again.

It was the third Saturday morning since James had been in the hospital, you knew you should have gone to see him but somehow you couldn’t bring yourself to get out of bed today. Beside you Steve lay, lightly snoring as he peacefully slept, blissfully unaware of your inner turmoil.

You looked over at him, and sighed. Even in his sleep Steve was picturesque, you couldn’t help but smile, and feel your heart flutter, maybe you did love him.

“You’re staring,” he mumbled, bringing you out of your dreamy state of gazing at him,

You giggled, “Sorry, you’re just so gorgeous, even in your sleep” you said snuggling up to him as he opened his arms to you,

Steve chuckled, “And is that a good thing?”

“It’s a great thing,” you replied, smiling at him,

Before he could respond, your phone buzzed on the beside table. You grabbed it and looked at the caller, it was Natasha.

“Hey Nat,” you answered,

“Three words, Brunch, catch up and baby shopping,” she said not bothering to say hello,

“Can Steve come?” you asked looking over at your boyfriend, who quizzically raised an eyebrow at you,

“Duh, I’m bringing Bruce, we need this,” her voice solemn for a moment and you knew what she meant,

“Okay, we will meet you at Sarabeth’s in an hour?” You suggested,

Natasha agreed and then you hung up. Steve sat up and brushed his blonde hair back, waiting for you to give him more information on the call you just had.

“Come on, we are having brunch with Nat and Bruce,” you said, hopping out of bed and heading towards the bathroom, Steve scrambled out of bed following you to the bathroom.

You turned on the water, and waited for it to become hot, as you did so Steve stood at the sink brushing his teeth and you admired his shirtless glory. It was like every inch of him was pure muscle, his back muscles rippled as he moved to place his toothbrush back in its holder and he turned to face you.

“You’re staring again,” he pointed out with a smirk,

“Shut up,” was your flustered response, and then you began to move his t-shirt that you had worn last night,

Suddenly Steve was inches away from you, his muscular hands gripping your waist. You yelp in surprise by his cold touch as you toss the t-shirt to the floor. He looks down at your naked body lustfully and licks his lips, 

“You’re staring, Rogers” you whispered, your heart hammering in your chest as his gazed raked over you.

Steve didn’t say anything, he just reached down, gripped your thighs and hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He kissed you, hungrily, urgently and you returned the affection. Wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your body against his, Steve moved towards the shower, using one hand to shove down his boxers and stepped out of them, he stepped into the shower still fervently kissing you.

The warm water lathering both of you as he shoved you up against the cold wall, you gasped at its coldness arching your body against his hard muscular one. Steve wrapped his arms around your waist and began placing rough kisses across your neck and shoulders, leaving soft bruises as he did so.

You suddenly needed him in you, reaching down you grasped his cock firmly in your hand and guided it to entrance. The hot water creating enough wetness aside from your own heat between the two of you, Steve looked at you as he eased himself into you. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and leaned back against the cold wall, relishing his girth as it extended into you.

“Look at me,” he whispered,

You obliged at looked at him, his sky-blue eyes piercing into you and he began to thrust into you. Slowly at first but then harder and faster. Steve shifted slightly hoisting one of your legs over his shoulder, making your body work for its flexibility. Lustful moans escaped your lips as he kept up the pace, and you felt the familiar ache in your lower abdomen.

“God, Steve, I’m going to come..” You moaned as he picked up the pace, this wasn’t love making, it was just raw magnetism fucking and you loved it.

“Fuck, I love it when you say my name,” he groaned, kissing you roughly. The water was getting hotter as you leaned against the nozzle but neither of you cared and a few seconds later you felt your orgasm rip through your body as you came loudly, Steve following closely after you.

The two of you stood under the warm water, rinsing yourself off with the floral shower gel in the shower before getting out.

“That was unexpected,” you mused as you dried yourself in front of the mirror, Steve stood behind you, his muscular body practically glistening in the now misty bathroom,

“I could do that every morning for the rest of my life,” he chuckled, placing a soft kiss on the back of your neck,

You turned around and circled your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Everything he had done on the last 12 hours was a welcome distraction, one you had sorely needed. With James being in the hospital and after seeing Luke and his fiancé, Steve had managed to make you forget about it even if it were only for a short while.

“Come on sweetheart, we should get dressed or we are going to be late,” Steve said softly kissing the top of your head then stepping out of your tight hug.

An hour and twenty minutes later, you and Steve arrived at Sarabeth’s, Natasha’s favorite brunch spot. It was a cold Saturday morning, but you could feel spring approaching, the snow had all but been melted but there was still a winters chill that clung to the air.

“Y/N! Steve!” Natasha greeted you with a big hug, her stomach looked as if it had already doubled in size even though she was only 5 months pregnant,

“Hey Nat, Bruce” you greeted the couple with hugs and kisses, and sat down for breakfast.

As you caught up with Nat during brunch, you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of her and Bruce, they looked so impeccably happy with each other.

“Y/N, so one of the reasons we wanted to see you,” Nat said, exchanging a look with Bruce who nodded happily at her, encouraging her to continue, “Is because we want you to be the God Mother to our twins,” she finished happily,

You stared at the two of them open mouthed and then practically screamed with joy at the news that they were having twins. “Oh my god, Nat! Bruce! I am so excited and happy for you,” you squealed throwing your arms around the couple,

“Congratulations,” Steve said, shaking Bruce’s hand, with a big smile on his face. \

“So I am assuming that’s a yes?” Bruce laughed,

“Of course it is!” You exclaimed happily,

But the moment of happiness was fleeting as you saw Nat and Bruce exchange a glance again,

“What is it?” You asked suddenly concerned,

Nat was suddenly tearing up, and Bruce spoke up. “Well, James was going to be the God Father, but in light of everything that has happened, we don’t know if we should change it or not,”

As quickly as all the happiness had come, it vanished again as you remembered what was happening in your life. No matter how much Steve distracted you and how amazing your happy little bubble was, reality was still there waiting for you and you felt your heart constrict when you flashed back to James in that hospital bed.

“Nat,” you said, holding her hand, “Bucky will be fine, he’s going to be here, and when the twins are here, he’s going to be here as well, okay?” you tried to comfort her, even though you didn’t know if he would be here or not. You had to hold hope, not just for Natasha but for your self as well.

You gave her a reassuring smile, and Bruce put his arm around her shoulders, this seemed to cheer her up a bit as she returned your smile with a smile of her own.

“Now let’s finish this brunch and go baby shopping!” You said changing the topic, to a happier lighter one.

The rest of the morning was spent at Barneys and Bergdorfs where Natasha spent a pretty penny on items for the twins.

You were standing in one of the aisles looking at all the different coloured baby growers when Steve appeared beside you. “These prices are insane,” You murmured to him, showing him one of the price tags that read 1200 dollars.

Steve chuckled beside you and picked up one of the baby growers, examining it. “But it’s so cute,” he mocked waving it in front of you face, making you laugh.

“Do you want to have kids?” Steve asked offhandedly as he put the item back on the rack, not looking at you,

His question caught you by surprise, not that you didn’t want to have kids, just because the only person you wanted to have kids with was Luke, and now he was having a child with another woman.

“Yeah, maybe one day,” you replied, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear, “With the right partner,”

He was quiet for a moment, “I’d like kids one day, but that whole white picket fence life isn’t in my cards,” he said, looking at you this time,

You managed a giggle, “Yes, your life is rather…glamorous” you mused, you thought about it, all the paparazzi and fans and constant travelling, it was all rather intense.

Steve pulled you into his arms and looked down at you, “But with you its simple,” he said, a soft look in his eyes,

“That’s good to hear,” you reply, your heart fluttering slightly at the loving look on his face.

“Hey love birds!” Natasha said appearing suddenly beside the two of you, “Lets move on to the next store, and stop PDA-ing,”

Both of you laughed and followed Bruce and Natasha and their many many bags out the store.

By that afternoon you were tired of shopping and the four of you parted ways, Nat and Bruce went home, Steve got a call from his publicist and he had to go and deal with an issue and you finally returned to the hospital to see James.

When you entered the hospital room once more, the dark cloud that you had left here was suddenly back. As you sat down beside the bed, the doctor walked in.

“Hello Y/N,” she greeted you, “I am glad you’re here,”

“Hey Doctor Van Dyne,” you greeted her tiredly,

“I have some good news for you,” The doctor says stepping beside you and looking at the monitors,

You immediately perked up, and looked at her hopefully, waiting with baited breath for her news.

“We’re taking James off the respirator today, he can finally breath on his own” Doctor Van Dyne said, moving toward the machines and flipping a switch off,

Your heart almost leapt with joy, “What does that mean?” you asked, hopefully.

“He could wake up at any moment, with any luck” she smiled at you and placed a hand on your shoulder,

You burst into tears, relief washed over you. This was the best news you had heard in weeks,

“It will all be over soon,” Doctor Van dyne said, “I’ll leave you alone for a bit,” before she exited the room, leaving you alone with James and you wept, for yourself, for James, for everything bad and good that had happened over the past few weeks.

______________________

Three days later, you were sitting in James’ hospital room after finishing work, playing the violin, which was one of your secret hobbies. The warm rays of the afternoon spring sun, falling across the room, illuminating it.

The room was silent, except for the constant beeping of the heartrate monitor and the strum of the strings as you played, you were engrossed in playing the violin so much so that you almost didn’t hear it.

“You’re still so amazing at that,” James said hoarsely

Your head immediately snapped up and you looked at James, he was awake.

“Bucky!” you cried out, flinging your violin to the floor and practically diving onto the bed, throwing your arms around his shoulders,

You immediately began sobbing, you couldn’t control it.

“Hey, hey sweetheart, stop crying, its okay.” James said, “But can you get off me, you’re crushing my windpipe,” he half chuckled,

“God no, I am never letting you go again!” you cried, half laughing through a torrent of tears.

James laughed hoarsely, and wrapped an arm around your waist and held you as you sobbed. After a few minutes you were finally able to pull yourself together and sit up. You looked him over, he looked exhausted, dark circles around his ice blue eyes, his stubble had now grown into a beard and his hair messy and matted.

You called the doctors once you were able to pull yourself together and they looked him over, saying everything seemed fine. His body was on the mend but they weren’t too sure about the memories, that was something that would only be discovered later on.

You brushed his hair back, trying to neaten him up. “How long?” he asked,

You knew what he meant, “Almost 3 weeks Buck,” tears falling again, “How do you feel? Do you remember anything”

James winced in pain as he tried to sit up, “I feel like I need more sleep,” he then looked down at his chest where there were still bandages and reached up to touch his head, wincing again. “I just remember being in the car, don’t know where I was going or what I was doing before everything is blank.”

“You had to get seventeen stitches on your chest, and head,” you said, holding his hand,

James was eerily calm throughout this whole situation, his heartbeat was steady and his face neutral as you recounted what had happened to him.

“How’s Artur?” he asked when you were finished,

“He’s fine, he’s just been beating himself up over the whole incident.” You replied,

James cracked a smile, and then closed his eyes for a moment, “Guess I really lucked out this time huh?” he said softly,

“Don’t ever leave me like that again,” you whispered covering our face as you started crying again,

“Y/N, oh my god will you stop crying,” James laughed, “I am fine,”

You couldn’t help but laugh through your tears, you were just so relieved that he was going to be okay.

An hour later, James’ mother and sister had arrived, and you left them alone for a moment. You stood outside the room and immediately took your phone out and dialed Natasha’s number,

The moment you told Natasha that James was awake she burst into tears, and Bruce had to take the phone and let you know that they were on their way. Next was Sam, he said he was already walking out the door before you even ended the call. Lastly you texted Steve to let him know,

Bucky is awake, we’re all at the hospital. If you would like to meet me here?

You waited a few minutes but there was so response, so you decided to go and get something to drink while James was with his mother and sister. You were sitting at one of the tables, peeling the label on the bottle of water you had just purchased when Rebecca, James’ sister took a seat in front of you.

“Hey,” she said, with a smile

“Hey,”

“How are you doing?” She asked, blowing the hot coffee she had just purchased, to cool it down,

“Okay, I guess, just relieved at this point.” You replied sighing,

Rebecca smiled, “Thank you, for staying with him”

You smiled back, “Of course, he is my best friend, I don’t think I could survive without him.”

“He adores you, you know” Rebecca said, taking a sip of her coffee, “He is always talking about you,”

“I think the feeling is mutual there,” you chuckled,

Rebecca chuckled with you, “Well I am glad he has you, Bucky is a bit of a loner. Think it’s because he’s such an ass sometimes,” she laughed,

“No lying there,” you retorted, knowing how difficult he could be, 90% of the time. There were a finite amount of people that could stand being around James.

Rebecca was quiet for a moment, both of you relishing the comfortable silence as the feelings of relief for James were settling within you. Suddenly there was a bit of commotion outside of the coffee shop, the moment you looked out the window you knew who it was. Steve stepped out of his car, and was immediately met by paparazzi, who were asking him numerous questions. He handled it gracefully just offering them a smile before he stepped into the coffee shop leaving them outside.

“Oh my god!” Rebecca hissed excitedly, “That’s Steve Rogers!”

You groaned inwardly, you had forgotten not everyone knew you were dating Steve, it was annoying doing things in public with him. There were always photographers around, and most of your friends knew who he was and were always talking about how hot, gorgeous, sexy he was.

Steve saw you and grinned as he made his way towards you and Rebecca. She was already having a panic attack, “Oh fuck, is he coming here, Y/N!” she said, excitedly smacking your arm,

“Hey babe,” Steve said, smiling at you when he reached the table. Rebecca’s mouth fell open in surprise and she gawked at you, as Steve kissed you.

“Hey Steve,” you replied, returning his affection, “This is Rebecca, Bucky’s sister” you said introducing a slightly star struck Rebecca,

“Uh Hi, Hi, hello,” she stuttered shaking Steve’s hand,

“Nice to meet you,” Steve said politely, as he took a seat beside you,

Rebecca just smiled shyly at him and focused on the coffee in front of her. “How’s James?” Steve asked, turning his attention back to you,

“He is doing great, the doctors said his progress was better than they had expected, all they are concerned about now is the brain damage and memory loss.” You replied, “But we wont know any more about that until he gets released,”

Steve gave you a reassuring smile, “He’ll be fine,” he said, lacing his fingers with yours,

“I hope so,” was your only response, as Steve placed a kiss on your cheek and your neck.

Rebecca was staring at you, taken aback by what she was witnessing. “How long have you two been together?” she asked,

“Just over two months,” Steve responded proudly,

Rebecca looked at you, with a huge grin on her face. “How did I not know this?” She exclaimed, “You’re dating Steve Rogers!”

You just shrugged and made a face, “Eh, he’s not that great,” you joked,

Which earned you a chuckle from Steve, “That’s true,” he replied, pulling you closer to him,

“Awww, you two are so cute together!” Rebecca gushed,

You just laughed and shook you head, as she continued to gush about how much you and steve suited each other. They got into a conversation and you zoned out half way through it when they started talking about movies.

_________________________________

A little while Later, Bruce and Natasha showed up. Rebecca and James’ mother had left to go and prepare for him to come home soon. James was resting in the room as the doctors had instructed that visitors only go in one at a time as not to overwhelm him in case there was any memory loss.

Sam had just arrived when James woke up, along with Natasha and Bruce. Following the doctors instructions you went in with Natasha first and James’ whole face lit up when he saw her.

“Tasha,” he said lovingly, as she went to give him a hug. Nat was trying her hardest not to cry,

“Thank god you’re okay Bucky,” she sniffled, but he wasn’t paying attention to her, James was staring at her stomach.

“You’re pregnant?!” he exclaimed,

Both you and Nat exchanged a look, worried plastered all over her face. “Yes Buck…I have been for almost 5 months now,”

“Is…” he paused, “Is it mine?”. Natasha looked at you alarmed, and you instantly knew this was the memory loss the doctors had mentioned, no one could know the full extent until James began interacting with people in his life again.

“Buck…” you said softly, “No,”

James looked between you and Natasha confused, “what do you mean no? Tash and I are dating, how could she be pregnant with…” he trailed off, frowning hard, you could see him trying to remember something, anything.

His heart rate monitor began to spike, “Bucky, you need to calm down,” You say, going over to him and taking his hand, “The doctor said that there could be memory loss after your accident, your memories are going to be affected,”

James looked at Natasha, almost miserably. “So we broke up,” he said almost inaudibly,

Nat nodded, “I’m so sorry Buck,” she said, through tears.

He didn’t say anything, he just looked down at his hands with a frown on his face. Then it hit you, the last 4 years of James’ memories had been affected, his long-term memories were damaged because of the accident. Who knew If they would even come back, or how this was going to affect him.

“Where’s Luke?” he suddenly asked you,

Your heart jumped in your chest at the mention of Luke. “We aren’t together anymore either,” you said quietly,

“What why,”

You didn’t answer him, neither you nor Natasha knew how to answer his questions. Or what to do in this situation, “I think I’m going to step outside,” Natasha said softly,

“No wait, Tash, please stay.” James said, almost pleadingly,

Nat sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes, “I’m sorry Bucky, I can’t” then she walked out leaving James gazing after her pitifully.

“Is there anything I can do?” You asked James, hoping there was something that could help him in this moment as the look on his face was breaking your heart.

“Get out,” he growled,

“What..?” you stuttered confused,

“Get the fuck out.” He snapped at you,

“Bucky…what is,” but he cut you off

“Stop fucking calling me Bucky and get out, NOW.” He yelled at you.

You stood there for a moment stunned, Sam and Steve both burst into the room when they heard him yelling at you. James looked at Sam and Steve,

“Sam…” He said surprised then looked at Steve, “Who the fuck is this guy?”

“Hey Buddy, what’s going on?” Sam asked, looking between James and You. Steve moved to your side, and put an arm around your shoulders, protectively.

“Y/N are you okay?” Sam asked when he saw your face, but you couldn’t reply, you were heart broken. This was a nightmare, after everything you had been through, you felt like you had lost Bucky in this moment as well and it was going to tear you apart. Steve saw the look on your face and immediately jumped into action, guiding you out of the room. He threw Sam a look and Sam nodded in acknowledgement.

The moment you exited the room with Steve, the panic attack hit you like a ton of bricks. You were gasping for air, the room around you spinning. Your body began to shake and you felt like you couldn’t breath.

“Y/N, look at me,” Steve said urgently beside you, but you couldn’t. the anxiety and panic gripped you tightly.

“Can’t breathe,” you gasped, shoving Steve away, you stumbled a few steps and then slumped against the wall,

“Y/N, please, just breathe,” Steve pleaded, fear in his eyes. He knelt beside you trying to hold you but you kept shoving him away,

“I need space, get away from me,” You exclaimed in a panic, you were pulling at the scarf around your neck. Your jacket was suffocating you, you had to get it off.

Bruce and Natasha turned the corner and saw you having a panic attack rushing to your side,

“What happened?!” Natasha exclaimed, dropping to her knees beside you, “Y/N, relax, breathe!”

“I don’t know,” Steve responded, in a panic as well, “Something happened in the room and when we left she just freaked out.”

“Y/N, listen to my voice, you need to breathe, you’re having a panic attack.” Bruce said calmly,

But nothing they were saying was registering, you needed to get out of this hospital. Away from all this, gasping for air you pushed yourself to your feet and immediately bolted away from your friends Ignoring their shouts as you ran away. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and you were left breathless, but you needed to escape this nightmare, you had to get out.

So you ran, out of the hospital and into the street. Where? You did not know, you just ran.


	8. Confessions of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of sad? IDK. I had writers block so send help. 
> 
> I am working on the next chapter, its almost finished so hopefully I can post it today as well!

Your phone buzzed on your desk again, for the 30th time that morning. Ignoring it, you continued to work on the project before you, it had been two weeks since James had woken up and you were avidly avoiding the hospital, him, Natasha and practically everyone in your life. After your outburst at the hospital you had to be sedated by hospital staff due to the severity of your panic attack and you were tired of answering questions on whether you were okay, or if you needed anything, or how you were feeling.  
James was slowly recovering, he had been discharged from the hospital and was now at home. His mother saw it that he had the best care, and there were round the clock psychiatrists and neurologists working to help him regain his memories.  
Natasha had asked you numerous times to go and see him, but you refused. After he had kicked you out of his room the day he woke up, you just somehow could not face him. It was not that you were mad at him, it was something else entirely. 

Your phone buzzed again, irritated you looked at it, it was Steve. He had been texting you all morning and trying to call you. You had tried to avoid him as well, but he was relentless in trying to see you. He was probably the only person you had made an exception for and had seen him recently, but he could sense the distance between the two of you and you had your first fight a few nights ago, over your recent behavior and at the fact that Steve was going to be taking a project that was in Barcelona and he would be gone for 3 months. Steve couldn’t understand why you were closing yourself off from everyone, and you didn’t have the energy to explain it to him. So you had left his apartment in the middle of the night and You hadn’t seen him since.

Glancing at the screen you read his string of text messages,

‘Y/N, I am your fucking boyfriend, can you please answer me!’ 8:05AM

‘I don’t think its very fair to ignore me, seeing as you walked out on me.’ 11:02AM

‘This is a real mature way to deal with your issues, can you please talk to me? I am here for you’ 1:22PM

‘Is this about us? Do you need space?’ 1:55PM

‘I am not going to stop until you answer me, please you are stressing me out.’ 5:40PM

After 3 more calls, more texts. 

‘I love you baby, just tell me what is going on…please’ 6:30PM

‘Fine, don’t talk to me. I’ll be waiting when you are ready I guess.’ 8:22PM

You sighed loudly and slumped your head down into your arms, on your desk. It had been an exhausting two weeks, you didn’t know whether you were coming or going at this point and all you had been doing was burying yourself in work. You knew you were going to have to talk to Steve eventually, so you grabbed your phone and typed out a short reply,

‘I’m sorry…’ and then you hit send.

Almost immediately your phone rang, and it was Steve. 

“Hello Steve,” you answered,  
“Hey babe,” he said softly,  
“Can we talk?”  
“Of course, do you want to meet somewhere?” he asked,

You glance at the clock, it was almost 9PM. Most of the staff in the lab had left, you were one of the only ones still working or so you assumed.  
“Yeah, meet me at my place? In 20 minutes?” You said,

“Okay, I love you,” Steve said, 

You didn’t respond, just hung up. Quickly packing up your belongings you hailed a cab and headed. The night was cool and crisp, spring had finally come, and you could see the rain clouds threatening in the sky. 

When you arrived at your apartment, Steve was already there, sitting on the steps looking at his phone. 

“Hey,” you greeted him, and he immediately jumped to his feet practically dragging you into a hug. 

“Hi,” he breathed, breathlessly kissing your face, 

“Come on, lets go upstairs,” you said, pulling yourself out of his grip and heading up the stairs into your building, Steve following you.  
Once inside, you set about getting dinner ready while Steve sat by the island counter, watching you. You were both quiet for a few minutes before Steve broke the silence. 

“So, you wanted to talk?” He said, 

Your back was facing him as you stirred the alfredo pasta you were currently making. “To be honest, I don’t know what to say,” you replied, turning around and leaning against the counter, looking at him. 

“Well maybe start with telling me why you haven’t wanted to see me for almost four days?” Steve prompted, 

You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest and pinched the bridge of your nose. “Steve, you had just told me you were leaving for 3 months, half way across the world in a weeks’ time.” You said, “I don’t know what you expected my reaction to be,”

“Y/N, that’s not fair, its not like I wanted this, its my job!” Steve replied, seeming slightly exasperated,

“I know that, but all I am saying is maybe a fair warning next time?” you shot back, “How am I supposed to just be okay when you up and leave for 3 months so suddenly?”

“I didn’t know it was going to be so sudden when I took the role, babe,” He said gently, “Its not like I planned this,”

You turned away from him, not wanting him to see the tears welling in your eyes, “Yeah well, like you said it’s your job, so there is nothing left to say.” You said coldly, quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you had already sort of lost Bucky and now the thought of Steve leaving you as well, was just setting you off on a spiral you weren’t ready to deal with. 

Steve had obviously seen you were upset, so he came over to where you stood ad wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling your neck. “Y/N, I am sorry that it was so sudden, but the time will go by really quickly and I will be back before you know it,” he said softly, kissing your shoulder and neck affectionately.  
You sighed, “I know, I’m sorry Steve,” you said turning to face him, wrapping your arms around his waist and placing your head on his chest.  
He held you tightly against him, “I’m sorry too,” he replied quietly, 

You knew you were being irrational about him leaving and fighting with him wasn’t the best idea at a time like this, especially right before he left but you were still upset by all of it. And then suddenly standing there in the kitchen with him holding you, it hit you, why you were so upset about him leaving. You were in love with him, but now was not the right time for you to be admitting that. Not since he was leaving in 3 days’ time. 

Steve and yourself had a quiet dinner and then turned on the Netflix, snuggling up on the couch. It was everything you needed after the last few days, but your mind began to wander to thought of Bucky and you were suddenly wracked with guilt for not seeing him or even asking after how he was. You sighed and snuggled closer to Steve, relishing the warmth his hulking muscular body provided, 

“I’m going to miss this,” you murmured, running your hand over his hard chest, 

“So am I,” he responded encircling his arms around you, “Definitely, going to miss the normality of home,”

“Three months isn’t too long though,” you deliberated, “We can do this as much as it will suck.” 

“Doesn’t help that its right in the beginning of our relationship,” he replied, with a sigh

 “I think we should just have lots of sex and stay in bed for the remainder of our time left,” you joked, grinning at him, 

Steve laughed, “That’s the best idea I have ever heard,” he said playfully, leaning forward capturing your mouth with his, kissing you passionately.  
“Well what are we waiting for then?” you teased, Steve just raised an eyebrow at you with a smirk on his face before he tackled you, both of you falling back onto the couch, making out like teenagers.  
_______________________________________

It was Friday morning; the day Steve was leaving for 3 months. You had woken up before him and snuck off to the kitchen to make him breakfast in bed. The last three days the two of you had spent together was full of sex, love and companionship, every time you thought he couldn’t make you happier, he somehow unknowingly proved you wrong.  
You were busy placing the plate of waffles on a tray when there was a notification from the laptop on the counter, as the screen lit up. It was Steve’s laptop, you had glanced at it for a moment, but looked more closely when you saw your name on the screen. 

Curiosity won over and you walked over to the laptop and looked at the screen. Your stopped short when you saw the article headline,

‘Meet Y/N Y/L/N, Steve Rogers latest conquest.’ 

‘The young Y/N was spotted multiple times over the last few months out with Steve Rogers, the golden boy of the silver screen. It seems Steve was quite taken with the young scientist who leads the research and development department at Stark Industries. She seems rather plain for the devastatingly handsome Steve Rogers, but that hasn’t seemed to deter him. As he was spotted visiting her home multiple times this month, the pair were seen at Lennox Hill hospital earlier this month where James Buchanan Barnes, heir to the billion-dollar Barnes industries, was hospitalized after a car accident. Mr Barnes is a close friend of Y/N, our sources are told.  
The question remains, is Steve Rogers the golden boy of the silver screen and plain scientist Y/N Y/LN in a relationship or is she his little pet project? Or is this a case of young rich millionaire meets gold digger? After all she knows how to bag billionaires, seeing her relationship with James Buchanan Barnes.’ 

Below the article, there were multiple photos of Steve and you, out and about in New York. Bookshops coffee shops, restaurants.  
You read through the article with a shocked look on your face, how the hell had they found out where you lived or your name or your friendship with Bucky. You knew Bucky wasn’t a stranger to being on page 6, his family were a bunch of billionaires and socialites who had built half of the Manhattan skyline, but you were never part of that life of his. Your mind raked through possibilities, suddenly feeling very exposed. You knew that they were going to start combing through your whole life now and this was just going to thrust you into the public spotlight, and you were already panicking. 

Steve suddenly startled you by walking into the kitchen, “Morning,” he said huskily giving you a kiss on the cheek, 

“Shit, you scared me,” you replied placing a hand over your thumping chest. 

He looked you over with a raised eyebrow, “What are you doing?” he asked, “Ooh waffles,” he distracted himself for a moment grabbing a plate of waffles then looked back at you, waiting for you to answer him. 

You didn’t say anything, instead you turned his laptop toward him and gestured to the article. Steve quietly read the article with an unreadable expression, while he ate the waffle in front of him. Then he looked at you,  
“I’m sorry you had to see this,” he sighed, putting his fork down and coming up to you, “But these sites thrive on spouting bullshit like this,” 

“I know, but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful. They called me a fucking gold digger who knows how to bag billionaires!” You said, becoming slightly riled up.  
Steve chuckled to your incredulity, “Oh I am glad you think this is funny,” you snapped at him, moving to grab the waffles you had just made, 

“Ah come on baby, it’s a little funny plus I am not a billionaire, so you aren’t THAT good at bagging billionaires,” Steve joked, 

You couldn’t help but crack a smile at his comment, he was making light of the situation because he knew it was upsetting you and you appreciated him for that. “Whatever you say, Mr I’m the golden boy of the silver screen,” you teased, with a hearty laugh, 

“Oh so that’s how it is,” he taunted back, 

“Ohhh that’s how it is” You mocked, flicking whipped cream at him, 

Steve feigned being upset at your action and lunged at you, armed with the bottle of whipped cream and sprayed it all over you. Shouting in delight, you tried to evade him, but you weren’t fast enough as he grabbed you by the waist and sprayed whipped cream all over your hair,  
“Steeeveee!” you shouted, with a laugh, trying to push him away. 

He peppered kisses across your face, licking the whipped cream he had just sprayed all over you.  
Thinking quickly, you grabbed the can from his hand and enacted revenge spraying him with twice as much as he had you, then with an evil laugh you grabbed the flour off the counter and tossed a handful at him. 

Steve let you go, a shocked look on his face before of you burst out laughing. Not wanting to lose, Steve grabbed faucet from the sink and turned it on, spraying chilly water all over you. 

“Oh my god, Steven Stop!” you yelled, dodging out the way, 

Steve turned off the water, both of you looking at each other with big childish grins on your faces. Then suddenly Steve took two sure strides towards you and swept you off your feet, gripping you in his muscular arms he placed you on the counter island and began kissing you. Holding your body flush against his.  
His lips brushed against your jaw, worked down your throat, and you let out a contented sigh. Steve kissed your lips, with a bruising kiss as his hands pushed your legs apart, brushing across your core with barely there pleasure. Both of you already visibly turned on, as he pulled you closer to him and thrusting gently as he took you on the counter top. He took his time, savoring everything about you as he held your body to his, chest to chest, sighing with the pleasure you both brought each other, it was slow and passionate, it was love making. 

A few hours later you had said your goodbyes to Steve as he got into a town car and headed to the airport, where you wouldn’t see him for 3 months. Then made your way to Stark tower to begin your work day, but as you got to the tower you saw a familiar town car parked at the curb and an even more familiar face leaning against it, wearing a pair of black sunglasses. 

James noticed you immediately and stood up straight, raising his hand slightly in greeting to you. Sighing, you walked over to him, already knowing you were going to regret this.  
“Hello stranger,” He said, giving you a kiss on the cheek, 

“Hi Buck…James” You said, immediately correcting yourself when you remembered how he had reacted to you calling him Bucky a few weeks back, 

“How are you?” You asked, when there was an awkward silence that fell between the two of you, 

“I am doing great thanks,” He responded nervously, shifting from foot to foot, 

You just nodded not knowing what to say to him, there was an air of awkwardness between the two of you. James was quiet for a moment, then he took his sunglasses off, “Y/N, I owe you an apology for my behavior two weeks ago,” he said, 

“James it’s fine,” you immediately cut in, not wanting to have this conversation with him standing on a curb, 

“No its not, Rebecca told me how you’d been there the entire time since my accident, and I wanted to thank you for that,” He insisted, 

“Don’t thank me, its what friends do,” you replied, giving him a tightlipped smile

“I have a gift for you,” James said, grinning, then turned back to the car and reached in grabbing a neatly wrapped large rectangle box and handing it to you, 

“What is this?” You asked, taking the box from him, “I really don’t need a gift James,” 

“Please take it, it’s your birthday tomorrow and I only thought of you when I saw it, it actually helped bring back some of my memories,” James replied,

You looked down at then box and then at him, his dazzling blue eyes shining in the morning sun. He was still as handsome as you had remembered, distractingly so.  
“Well thanks, I should really get to work now,” you said quickly, and began walking away from him, 

“Wait, Y/N” James called out, “Can we have dinner tonight?” 

You turned to him, standing just a few feet away, “I can’t tonight, I have dinner with Natasha,” you lied, 

James’ face lit up when you said that, “Great, we can all have dinner together then, I’ll invite Sam.” He said, 

You groaned inwardly, you were trying to avoid having dinner with him or anyone for that matter. You just wanted to be at home in your PJ’s tonight, but you knew the moment James called Natasha your little lie would become apparent, so you thought on your feet.

“Oh good.” You said a little sarcastically, “I’ll give her a call then,” 

A big smile broke out on his face and before he could say anything you turned foot and walked away from him, your whole mood souring due to the encounter.  
You dumped your belongings and James’ gift on your workstation, and pulled out your phone in a huff. Quickly texting Natasha,  
‘Dinner? Tonight? With Sam and Bucky?’ Then hit send and waited for her response which was only seconds later, 

‘Sounds good to me,’ she responded,  
‘Meet me at the office after work,’ you replied and then placed your phone on the desk, with a loud sigh. How had your life gone from being so great one second to being filled with anxiety, awkwardness and shitty feelings, you thought. 

Knowing you needed to get started with work soon, you flipped open your laptop and begun working on your latest project. Plugging in your headphones and turning the music up so not to be disturbed. You managed to get through most of the day without being interrupted and made progress on your project when Maria came ambling up to your desk with a delivery, by late afternoon. 

“Is it your birthday?” Maria asked, placing the beautifully wrapped package, along with a large bouquet of flowers on your desk.  
As she said that, you realized it was your birthday tomorrow and you had been so preoccupied that it had completely slipped your mind. You had always ignored your birthday, but Natasha and Bucky always made a big deal out of it for you, and this year they were both otherwise preoccupied, so you weren’t expecting anything. Which is why the gift came as a surprise, 

“Uh yeah tomorrow,” you mumbled, distractedly as you took the card from her.  
“Are you celebrating it? Is the gift from Steve? What is it?” Maria blasted you with questions,  
“I don’t know, to all of those questions,” you replied to her, throwing her a look. Maria always had 101 questions,  
“Well open it and read it, I want to know!” She said, sounding a little exasperated 

You rolled your eyes, and pulled the card out the envelope, and you immediately froze when you read the letter head. It was from Luke, and it read:

‘Happy Birthday beautiful, I know I am a day early but have a marvelous day and I hope you love the gift, Morganite always was your favorite.  
All my love  
Yours always  
Luke 

Maria saw the look on your face while you read the card, “Are you okay?” she asked quietly, 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” you replied, a little too quickly, you dropped the card onto the desk and reached for the package. 

When you opened the package, your throat constricted. It was the necklace and earrings he had gotten you when you were engaged, it was a gift for you to wear to the wedding. Maria didn’t say anything, she just placed a hand on your shoulder and gave you a sympathetic look before walking away.  
You sighed back tears that were threatening to fall, and closed the box. This was the last thing you needed today was to be dealing with the feeling Luke brought you. You looked at your desk and realized you hadn’t opened the gift James had given you, as you were about to reach for it, Bruce walked into the lab, followed by Natasha to your surprise. 

“Hey you two,” You say getting up to greet them,  
“Hello Y/N” Natasha said, giving you a big hug, 

Bruce offered you a quick peck on the cheek in greeting, “What are you doing here?” You asked,  
“Well, we do have dinner plans and its your birthday tomorrow, don’t think we forgot” Natasha said, grinning at you, 

“Here” Bruce said, handing you a package, “An early gift from Nat and I,”  
You took the blue Tiffany gift bag from there, “Ah you guys really didn’t have to,” 

“Shut up and open it!” Nat said excitedly, to which you obliged her and pulled out a little box. You opened the first one and there was a silver bracelet with three little charms on it, two stars and a heart. You looked at the small inscription on the stars, it read Ronan Cillian and Jonathan Rhys and the heart had the inscription of your initials on it.  
You looked at Nat and Bruce in surprise,

“Is this…?” you asked, breathlessly excited.  
Nat nodded, and you practically squealed with joy and hugged her and Bruce. “We’re having boys!” Bruce said excitedly,  
“Oh my god, I am so happy for you!” You said, tearing up, your emotions getting the better of you in the moment, “This is the best birthday present, thank you”. Natasha hugged you again with tears in her eyes, 

“Come on let’s not be sappy about this its your birthday tomorrow!” Bruce said clapping his hands, “I think we should head out and go get ready for dinner with James and Sam.”  
It was just after seven when stood in front of the mirror in the hallway of your apartment, putting on jackets before heading downstairs to hail a cab. As you made your way down the steps of your apartment building, you saw James once again, leaning against his town car, waiting for you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked walking up to him, 

“Picking you up,” he responded with a smile opening the door for you to get in, 

“Yeah but why?” You retort not getting in, 

“Y/N, get your ass in the car, or I will toss you over my shoulder walk you there,” James chuckled, ignoring your obvious annoyance with him. 

“Fine,” you snapped and got into the car, choosing to sit on the other side as far away from him a possible. 

Once the car ride had begun, James looked at you, “You look amazing,” he said, grinning at you, you glanced at him, it was that stupid cocky grin of his, the one that made his eyes light up and the sides of his eyes crinkle as he flashed his perfect teeth. Clearly the old James was back,

“What, not even some thanks?” He said, pretending to be offended, “Come on grumpy, what’s going on?” 

“I’m not grumpy.” You snapped at him, 

James raised an eyebrow at you, “Oh yeah sure you aren’t.” He said sarcastically, “I know you well enough by now to know that when you say you’re fine, you’re not.”  
You sighed, “Even if I wanted to tell you what was wrong, you wouldn’t remember half of it, so there’s no point,” you snapped, 

A hurt look flashed across his face and you instantly regretted saying that, “Buck-James, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” You said quickly, trying to retract your statement.  
James shook his head and looked away for a moment staring out the window in silence. “You can call me Bucky, you know” he said quietly, 

“What?” 

“Just because I don’t remember certain things, doesn’t mean I have forgotten everything. And if you had come and visited me more often you would know that my memory is almost 90% back” James said, turning to look at you, 

You were wracked with guilt, and didn’t know what to say to him. So instead you just looked down at your hands letting the feelings of guilt take over.  
“It’s okay though,” he continued, “I was an ass to you when I woke up, I get why you stayed away,” 

“James, I wante..” you begin 

“Bucky”

“What?” 

“Call me Bucky,” he repeated, “You always have when you were being endearing,” 

You sighed, “Bucky, I wanted to see you, more than anything but this has just been a very exhausting last month for me, and I needed the space.” 

He nodded, “I get it, but I’ll always be here for you Y/N, you know that right. Memory or not, I could never forget you,” he reached for your hand, lacing his fingers between yours.  
Bucky was looking at you intensely, “I know Buck,” you replied quietly, giving him a small smile. “I am just glad you’re okay,”

The rest of the car ride was spent in relative silence until you arrived at the venue you were having dinner at. It was one of your favorite restaurants in Manhattan, Butter. You smiled at the fact that Bucky had remembered. The two of you made your way inside, and one of the hostesses greeted you and the led you to the private dining area,  
As soon as you stepped into the private dining room, you were greeted by a unanimous shout of SURPRISE. Startling you, you looked around the room in surprise, all your friends and family had gathered for the dinner, even your mother. 

“W-what, oh my god,” You stuttered in surprise, looking at Bucky, he had a big grin on his face, 

“Happy early Birthday Y/N” he said giving you a kiss on the cheek,  
Then your friends and family all started stepping forward to greet you, “Mother!” you exclaimed when she came to give you a hug, “What are you doing here?! When did you get here?” 

“I figured since we missed out on Christmas, we could celebrate your birthday together,” She replied, holding your face between her hands, “and it gave me a chance to see James after his accident, that you never told me about!” she scolded, turning around to hold Bucky’s hand,  
“Well, I am happy you’re here Mother,” you said, smiling at her and Bucky, 

A few minutes later, everyone had taken their seats at the massive dinner table that had been set up, waiters taking everyone’s orders, and you sipped on crisp champagne. Seated between Bucky, and Sam, opposite you was Natasha, Bruce and your mother. Your mom was excitedly gushing with Bruce and Nat about their pregnancy, you had noted that she had mentioned she wished for a grandchild soon too, to which you rolled your eyes. 

The evening was perfect, food was divine, and the drinks were even better. You were starting to have a wonderful time, and dessert was just being served when Natasha clinked her glass with a knife to get everyone’s attention. 

“Hello everyone,” She said standing up, holding a glass of water, “Thank you all so much for coming, before we continue with the festivities, I would just like to say a huge thank you to Bucky for putting this all together on such short notice,” Natasha raised her glass to him, and he smiled nodding at her, Sam whooped and slapped his shoulder affectionately. 

“So here’s to Y/N, may this new year bring you all the happiness you deserve!” She said, everyone cheered and raised their glasses. 

Then Bucky stood up, clearing his throat nervously. 

“Oh this should be good,” Same whispered to you, jokingly and both of you snickered. 

“Hi, I suppose everyone here knows me, but If you don’t I’m James, AKA Bucky. Guess Uhm, we are here to celebrate one of the most phenomenal women I know” Bucky looked at you, his face serious, “Y/N, you are possibly, and I speak for myself here, the most amazing woman I have ever met. You’re fearless and empowered and beautiful, inside and out, and you are and probably always will be the queen of my heart. Here’s to you and your phenomenal future.” He raised his glass, and clinked it with yours.

You were shocked, no one in that moment knew how to react to Bucky’s speech. You glanced at Natasha’s face, and she looked severely unimpressed by his words, 

“Uhh correct if I’m wrong, but that sounded like a declaration of love,” Sam whispered to you,  
“Sam.” You hissed, “Shut up,” 

Bucky turned to you when he took his seat again, “I adore you,” he said softly, placing a kiss on your cheek. Your heart was thumping in your chest and you shifted uncomfortably as you looked across the table at both your mother’s face and Natasha’s, neither of them looked very happy with what they were witnessing. 

“I’m going to get some air,” you say suddenly, getting up from the table, exiting the room discreetly. The moment you had stepped out of the room, you exhaled deeply, and then made your way to the nearest balcony.  
You pulled your phone out when you stepped out onto the balcony, shivering against the cool breeze. You had forgotten to grab your jacket. You scrolled through your contacts and found the number you were looking for. 

Then quickly typed out a message,  
‘I miss you,’ you typed then hit send.  
A minute later, your screen lit up with a response from Steve,  
‘I miss you too, and I love you’  
You looked at his reply and then held your phone to your chest. You really did miss Steve and I hadn’t even been a day since he had left. 

“You okay?” a voice behind you, startling you, it was Bucky. 

“God dammit Buck, when are you ever not going to sneak up on me!” you exclaimed,  
Bucky chuckled and shrugged his jacket off, placing it around your shoulders. “Maybe don’t be so easy to scare” he replied,  
You just shook your head and looked out at the city lights before you, Bucky stood next to you, both of you quiet for a few minutes.  
“Y/N,” Bucky says softly, “I need to talk to you,” 

“I know Bucky,” 

“I adore you,” he said huskily, turning to you, 

“And I you,” was your response, 

“I love you,” Bucky said, 

You were quiet to his confession, not knowing what to say. 

Your heart started hammering in your chest, and you looked at him. His face was solemn and serious but his eyes soft, and loving. “I have for a long time” Bucky said, cupping your face in his hands, “You make me feel alive, and good and you make me a better person, when I said I was waiting for the right person, I meant I was waiting for you.” 

“Bucky…” you murmured, “I’m sorry…I can’t,” 

“No, just listen, don’t say anything,” he hushed you, closing his eyes his placed his forehead on yours, “I love you, with all my heart and I am unashamed to admit it. All these memories that have been coming back, you’re this guiding light in them, I can’t explain it.” 

“Buck…I am with Steve,” you whisper,

“I will wait Y/N, I don’t care how long, I will wait for you, whether it be five years or fifteen,” Bucky whispered, still holding your face close to his, your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked into his ice blue eyes beneath the moonlight. They shone like stars in the sky,  
Tears threatening to fall, you swallowed the lump in your throat. Bucky kissed your forehead softly then placed a kiss on your cheeks, “I’m sorry,” he murmured, brushing the tears away with his thumb and then turned and exited the balcony.


	9. Barcelona!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such bad writers block ugh!
> 
> Well its all angst and running away from issues! As usual

“Fine. Walk out but don’t fucking bother coming back! This friendship is fucking over!” Natasha shouted at you as you stormed through the hallway of her home, angry tears falling onto your cheeks as you yanked open the front door and stormed out, slamming it behind you.

It had been two weeks since your birthday and after that night, everything as a mess. Natasha was fighting with you, You were avoiding Bucky, you hadn’t spoken to Steve in days because of the time difference. And you kept bumping into Luke, three days in a row.

It was a Thursday night when you had finally gone over to Natasha’s to talk through whatever the issue was, when the whole fight was blown out of proportion. She was angry at you for not telling her about you and Bucky, and was even more angry that you hadn’t told Steve, and she absolutely lost her shit when you told her that you and Bucky had slept together.

“Steve deserves better Y/N! he deserves the truth!” she shouted at you,

“What truth?!” You yelled back, “It’s not like I am fucking reciprocating Bucky’s feelings!”

“No but its written all over our body language!” Natasha shrieked, tossing her hands up in the air, exasperated.

“Well, its none of your fucking business! I am leaving!” you screamed, jumping to your feet and storming off. 

When you had arrived home, you were a sobbing mess all the way in the elevator, when the elevator dinged on the landing you rushed inside, needing to lock yourself away for a bit and escape the shit show that was your life.

You had a quick shower and then tucked yourself into bed with some Netflix and hot chocolate. That had always cheered you up, but it wasn’t helping tonight, you kept glancing at your phone hoping Natasha would call or text but nothing. You sighed and finally decided to make a call, it was ell past 2AM in the morning for you.

“Hello darling,” Steve’s voice sounded through the receiver,

“Stevieeee,” you sighed, a lump already forming in your throat upon hearing his voice,

“Everything okay? You sound sad?” He said, concern evident in his voice,

“I just miss you, more than I expected you,” you sniffled, wiping the tears that had fallen, off your cheeks.

“I miss you too love,” Steve replied lovingly,

“How’s Barcelona?” you asked,

“Surprisingly hot,” he answered, “You would love it here, there is so much I want to show you,”

“I would rather be there right now,” you sighed,

Steve was quiet for a moment, “So come…” he said softly,

You laughed, “I can’t just get on a plane and come to Barcelona Steve,”

“Why not?” he questioned,

“Because I have a job,” was your answer,

“Take some time off, even for a few days, I’ll book your flight tomorrow.” Steve said,

“This is insane,” You laughed at him,

Steve chuckled, “The things we do for love I guess,”

“Mhmm, well let me get to bed, I just wanted to hear your voice,” You say, feeling exponentially better since hearing his voice,

“Of course, goodnight baby,” Steve replied,

“Goodnight Steve,” then you hung up. 

You fell asleep surprisingly easy after talking to Steve, his voice and words had comforted you. His offer playing on your mind as you did so. When you awoke the next morning, you had the worst headache, deciding to call in sick after taking four advil and drinking a liter of water to no avail.

Tony was all too understanding when you called in asking for some time off. So much to your relief you got to sit in front of the Netflix all day, nursing your headache and eating Chinese food for breakfast. The silence of your apartment was exactly what you needed. Although you couldn’t help but glance at your phone every few minutes, hoping it would ring and it would be Natasha.

A few hours later, you had fallen asleep on the couch, when the ringing of your doorbell suddenly awoke you. Groaning you sat up in a daze and looked around, the bell rang again. You got to your feet and made your way to the front door, opening it and to your surprise, it was Bucky.

“Hi, Bucky, what are you doing here?” You said, surprised.

“I uh, I just needed to see you,” he mumbled shyly, scratching the back of his head nervously,

“Buck, I..” you wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say,

“I know after your birthday things have been strained between us, but I miss hanging out with you,” He said, taking a step towards you, to which you slightly backed away.

“Bucky, I can’t be around you right now, please understand.” You said quickly, “I just need time and space,”

Bucky’s face fell for a moment, then he cleared his throat, “Yeah I understand.” With that he quickly turned around and left. Leaving you standing in the doorway, a little stunned.

Shutting the door, you blew away a lock of your hair that brushed against your lip. Your headache was gone but now you had a new dilemma on your hands and it came in the form of Bucky. Sighing and feeling your frustration growing, you walked back to the couch and sat down in a huff. You looked around at your loft apartment and then you had the sudden urge to be spontaneous. Grabbing your laptop, you flip it open and opened the search engine.

Twenty minutes later, you were in your room, packing your bags after Steve had purchased a ticket to Barcelona for you. You had never been one for spontaneity, you were the one who thought everything through, meticulously but not in this moment. You wanted to go to Barcelona, to see Steve, and to tell him you loved him. That was all, that was on your mind.

_______________________________

You touched down in sunny Barcelona twelve hours later and were met by one of Steve’s bodyguards, who had greeted you and told you he would be escorting you to his hotel. You were practically jumping out of your seat when you got into the car and headed to the hotel Steve was staying at, you had never been to Barcelona before and were marveled by the beauty of it all.

But most of all you were excited to see Steve. The car pulled up to the hotel and you got out of the car to be greeted by one of the concierges, who generously took your bags and offered to take you up to your suite. Steve had obviously told them of your arrival, he was staying at the Palace hotel in Barcelona and the staff were already escorting you up to his suite.

The moment you arrived at the door, Steve flung it open and practically swept you up into his arms. “Hello baby,” he said huskily, placing kisses all over your face and hugging you tightly.

“Ahh I have missed you!” you said, relishing the comfort of being in his arms,

Steve set you down and shut the door, he had a grin on his face like a Cheshire cat. “I can’t believe you actually came” Steve said, kissing you again,

“Neither can I,” you giggled, “This is probably the craziest thing I have ever done”

“Well, I am glad you are here,” Steve said, pulling you into his arms again, “Because I missed this,” kissing you passionately,

He didn’t give you a chance to respond, as he lifted you up and carried you to the bed. The two of you tumbled onto the bed, Steve on top of you. His hands stroked through your hair, and he gazed at you fondly, “How the fuck did I ever get so lucky?” he murmured, placing a soft kiss on your lips,

“Hmmm, I could say the same,” you replied, cupping his face. His blue eyes piercing you under his gaze, sometimes it was had to believe how perfect he was, you stroked the straight line of his jaw and pulled his face towards you, kissing him again.

“I mean it, Y/N. I fucking love you,” Steve said,

You were quiet for a moment and then you finally said it. “I love you too, Steve Rogers,”

A grin broke out on Steve’s face at your confession, and he captured your lips in a bruising kiss. But even after saying I love you, to Steve thoughts of Bucky played on your mind. Shoving them down you broke the kiss with Steve and looked at him,

“So what are we doing today?” You asked him,

“For starters,” He replied huskily, “I want this,” he trailed his fingers across your upper thigh looking at you lustfully. when he saw no objection from you, Steve moved his hand further up your thigh lifting your dress as he did so. He pulled your dress off ad tossed it to the floor, leaving you in your lace underwear, his gaze swept over your scantily clad body and he smirked,

“Fuck,” Steve muttered as he settled between your legs, tugging his shirt off as he did so.

“Just fuck me already,” you breathed, pulling him toward you and grinding against his crotch. Steve chuckled, and shook his head,

“We’re getting there,” he replied nipping at your neck,

There was a sudden knock on the door, and both of you froze. Steve quickly scrambled up , putting his shirt back on and fixing his hair as you rushed to get back into your dress. “Guess we have to finish this later,” Steve said, giving you a kiss, but you were too hot and bothered to reply instead you just groaned which earned you a chuckle from him as he went to answer the door, it was his publicist. Steve had to get back to work a little while after you had arrived which left you to do whatever you’d like. Enjoying this opportunity, Steve had his assistant Josh show you around Barcelona which turned out to be the most fun you had ever had.

In the weeks that followed, you spent all your time with Steve in Barcelona, when he was not working that was. It was something out of a fairytale, he took out yachting on the Baleric sea, and for nights out to the Palau de la Musica Catalana for a musical journey, dinners on the pier and exotic wine and champagne tasting in Sitges.

Steve spared no expense in making your trip to Barcelona as memorable as possible, and on your last day there, he surprised you with a trip to Cannes where he took you to Harry Winston, one of the most luxurious jewelry stores in the world. 

“What do you think?” Steve asked you, holding up a sparkling cluster diamond bracelet, which sparkled in the morning sunlight.

“I think you’re insane if you think I’m going to let you buy me anything from this store,” you murmured to him, looking around. Everything was sparkly, and the price tags were more than what you paid in rent.

“Just choose something,” He chuckled, handing the bracelet back to the jeweler, “You need something to commemorate your trip,”

“I have plenty of things to commemorate my trip Steve,” you replied, gazing at the glass display which contained a row of diamond rings that looked like they cost more than your whole life.

“Alright, I’ll choose something,” Steve said, and motioned for to the jeweler, you didn’t see what he had chosen but a few minutes later the lady appeared with a box and was placing it into a bag for you.

“Steve, this is too much, can’t we just go and buy a keychain or something,” you whined, as the jeweler handed you the package,

Steve smirked and shook his head, “Absolutely not, I want everything to be perfect for you,” he kissed you twice and then took your hand in his, leading you out of the store and onto the next adventure that awaited you on your last day.

_________________________________

Bucky sat at his desk in his top floor office of his father’s company. Drumming his fingers on the hard-oak wood desk, gazing intently at the screen before him. Since he had recuperated from the accident, he had decided to throw himself into work to avoid certain feelings and issues, but it seemed everywhere he went he could not get away from Y/N and her relationship with Steve.

Bucky sighed deeply as he scrolled though the webpage, coming to a stop at the article with Y/N in it. There was an array of photos of her, Bucky couldn’t help but smile at how easily she photographed and how in every photo she managed to look perfect.

Pictures on the beach in Barcelona, having dinner with her boyfriend, shopping in Cannes but his heart stopped when he saw the latest picture. It was a picture of Y/N and Steve exiting Harry Winston in Cannes, she was the picture of happiness, wearing a pink dress with a grey blazer, beside her Steve held her hand gazing lovingly at her. The photo irritated Bucky to no end,

His mind raced as he read the caption of the picture,

‘Steve Rogers and his girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N out in Cannes, the couple exited Harry Winston a few carats heavier as it is rumored Steve wants to propose to Y/N, and after only three months of dating. Is it true love or infatuation?’

There was no possible way Y/N would get married to Steve or even accept his proposal after dating for such a short time, he thought. He knew her better than that, there was also the fact that marriage always brought up memories of Luke and Bucky knew how that affected Y/N. Deep down he hoped Steve would propose and Y/N would break up with him because of it, but those thoughts just made him feel guilty. He should want her to be happy, regardless of who she is with. At least that would be the right thig to do.

Bucky sighed again and close the webpage, his mood turning sour because of it. And he knew the rest of his day was going to be shit because of one silly little rumor. But he couldn’t help it, it was love after all.

_________________________

Coming home after being away for two weeks felt strange. You had some serious jet lag and were ready to just pass out when you arrived home. It was just after seven in the evening and you were making yourself coffee after taking a hot shower when the doorbell rang, and to your surprise it was Bruce.

“Bruce,” you said surprised,

“Hey Y/N, can I come in?” Bruce greeted, he seemed solemn,

“Yeah sure,” you wave him on in, shutting the door and following him to the living room. Bruce took a seat opposite you, and you waited expectantly for him to speak.

“Y/N, you know I am never one to pry into what goes on between you and Natasha, but what happened?” He asked,

You look at him surprised Natasha hadn’t told him, “She didn’t tell you?”

“No and she refuses to, but she has been moody and angsty since you left two weeks ago,” Bruce said, sighing tiredly, “And nothing I do, is helping.”

You felt a twinge of guilt that Bruce was going through a tough time with Natasha because of you, “Bruce, she really should be the one to tell you,” you replied,

“Y/N, I have never asked you for a favor, but I am now…” said Bruce, looking at you intensely,

Sighing and rubbing your face with your hands, you recounted what had happened between you and Natasha, all while Bruce sitting there listening intently. When you were finished you waited to hear his response, but he was quiet.

“I mean, I don’t know why she didn’t tell you,” You repeated,

“This whole situation is a mess,” Bruce replied, “Although, you should have told her about James,”

“Ugh, I know Bruce, I have been feeling shit about that for weeks but its done now and I can’t keep rehashing this,” you sighed rubbing your temples, feeling a headache coming on,

“Look Y/N, I can’t force you to make up with Natasha but you two have been friends for a very long time, and its an important time in both your lives, don’t let this come between you,” Bruce said, with a small smile, “As much as I hate to say it, you and James would make a wonderful couple just as you and Steve do. And its great that you are moving on from Luke, but don’t throw away the people who were there for you when he left, okay?”

You exhaled deeply, “Bruce, I’m not the one who said our friendship is over, I was honest with her about mine and Bucky’s feelings and she threatened to tell Steve, which she has no right to.” You replied,

“Yes but Steve is as much her friend as you are, if you are going to hurt him she has the right to tell him,” Bruce retorted,

“I am not going to hurt him! I love him!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands in the air exasperated,

Bruce was quiet for a moment, “Or maybe you love the idea if him…?” he said quietly, and you stared at him in shock,

“Excuse me?” You sputtered, “What the hell is your problem Bruce?!”

“Y/N, I didn’t come here to fight with you,” He began, but you cut him off,

“Well it sure as shit feels like you did,” You spat,

“Will you relax!” Bruce cut in before you cold continue your rant, “I’m here as a friend, I am trying to help. Y/N, if you love James, don’t be with Steve, don’t lead him on,”

You stared at Bruce for a moment, not knowing what to say. You knew this was coming from a good place, but it felt unfair that he was dumping this sort of decision on you. You also felt a twinge of guilt over the fact that you might love Bucky and be leading Steve on, but you were torn at this point. There were also these unresolved feelings for Luke that resurfaced every time you saw him.

“I love Steve, Bruce” you insisted, you didn’t know whether you were trying to convince him or yourself.

Bruce didn’t look convinced, “Alright, well that’s all I came for, but Y/N just please try and fix things with Nat, she needs you as much as you need her.” He said, standing up to leave.

You just nodded at him, and walked him out, bidding him goodnight. Left alone I once more in your apartment you decided to busy yourself with work as you were unable to sleep anymore, you had two weeks’ worth of work to catch up on. It was nearly 3am when you finally crawled into bed passing out before your head even hit the pillow.

________________________________

It was weeks before you and Natasha had finally decided to make up, it was the day of her surprise baby shower that you had planned. Bruce had occupied her all day with different activities, and by midafternoon he took her to her favorite hotel in New York, The Palace where you had planned the entire shower. Inviting all her friends and family to the occasion, you knew it wouldn’t make anything right between the two of you because you had to talk but Bruce had said it was a start.

You were busy attending to the caterers when Bucky walked in, you visibly noticed multiple girls stare in his direction, one even went up to him and struck up a conversation flirtingly. And of course, being charming handsome James Buchanan Barnes he couldn’t help but flirt back,

It shouldn’t have bothered you as much as it did, but you couldn’t help but become irritated by his flirting. Wanda was suddenly at your side,

“Ugh, I swear he is such an ass” She snapped, placing down the gift bags she had in her hands,

“Bucky?” You asked, both of you looking at him,

“Yes, he sleeps with me and never calls me back, every single time.” Wanda replied,

“Is that so…” You mused, narrowing your eyes at Bucky upon hearing Wanda’s confession,

“Yeah like just last week, he calls me over, we get drunk, fuck and then the next morning he is gone!” She threw her hands up exasperated, “And I actually like him!”

Somehow you weren’t surprised that Bucky was Still sleeping around, it was in his nature of course. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to incense you more.

“Well, that’s Barnes for you,” you said to her, shrugging.

Bucky noticed the two of you staring at him and excused himself from the conversation he was having with one of Natasha blonde coworkers, and walked over to where you stood.

“Afternoon ladies,” Bucky said smoothly, giving you a both a typical James Buchanan Barnes smile.

You saw Wanda flush under his gaze, and you rolled your eyes, she was clearly not immune to his bullshit charms but after what she had just told you. You were over his charms.

“Didn’t think you would show up,” You half snap at him, not bothering to greet him.

“And why wouldn’t I?” He asked, slightly confused

“Because this isn’t your type of party.” You replied,

Bucky shrugged, “Its for Natasha, of course I would come,”

“Yeah sure,” you muttered turning away from him back to the table where you were sorting the gift bags out,

Beside you Wanda shifted nervously, trying to strike up a conversation with Bucky,

“Do you want a drink?” She asked him, and he nodded not taking his eyes off you

When Wanda left to go and get Bucky a drink, he moved closer to you. “Y/N, are you ever going to stop ignoring me?” he murmured, lightly brushing his fingers on your bare shoulder,

You shied away from his touch, “I wasn’t aware I was ignoring you,” you replied, adding more items to the gift bags

“Well, you never answer my texts, I hardly ever see you, and you avoid me every time you see me. I’d classify that as ignoring me” Bucky said, looking slightly hurt that you had moved out of his reach,

“What do you want me to say Bucky?” You snapped, stopping what you were doing at looking at him, irritated,

“Just talk to me, can’t we go back to the way we were?” He said, almost forlornly,

“No we can’t,” You retorted, and then sighed irritably scratching your forehead.

Thankfully Wanda reappeared with drinks for herself and Bucky, and you used this as an opportunity to escape from being around him.

“I have to go check on the cake before Nat gets here,” You said quickly, marching off. While Bucky looked after you, longingly. A gaze which did not go unnoticed by Wanda.

Natasha had finally arrived, and she was genuinely surprised by the shower. To your relief she was in a good mood when you greeted her, and you assumed she missed you as much as you missed her. Bruce mouth thank you, to you as he walked off with Natasha to go and greet her friends and family.

You busied yourself with hosting duties, Natasha was occupied with her guests. Wanda seemed attached to Bucky’s side once more, and Sam made an appearance as well. The baby shower went smoothly, Natasha was thankful for all the gifts and the people who came, and you were happy to see her so happy. The games were played, the food was served, and the guests eventually began to relax and mingle with each other before Natasha came up to you,

“So,” She said, taking a seat next to you as you ate a slice of chocolate cake,

“So…” you replied, looking at her,

“Thank you,” Natasha said, giving you a small smile,

“You’re welcome,” you said smiling back at her,

And that was in itself an apology between the two of you, after so many years of friendship, a few words spoken between the two of you when you were fighting was an automatic apology. “So, Bucky is here” Nat muses, both of you turning your gaze to the table where he and Sam sat, tossing colored popcorn kernels at each other trying to catch it with their mouths.

“And still acting like a child with a Sam,” she added, with a laugh,

“I doubt those two will ever grow up,” you laughed with her,

“What are you going to do about it Y/N?” Nat asked, looking at you with a serious look on her face, you knew what she meant, and you didn’t have an answer for her.

“I don’t know Nat, it’s just complicated.” You said sighing, and forking more cake into your mouth,

“How? You love Steve, you’re with Steve, so how is it complicated?” Natasha pressed,

“I don’t want to hurt anyone Nat, I love Steve, I really do” you replied, trying to end the discussion. You didn’t want to talk about Bucky’s feelings or yours with her right now. It was something you were avidly trying to avoid.

“Fine, but you are going to have to deal with it eventually,” she commented, taking a piece of cake off your plate, “Although you and Bucky dating is going to be so weird,”

You groaned, “Natasha, don’t say that out loud, the thought freaks me out,”

Nat laughed, “But he fucked you!” she pointed out,

“Ok bitch, don’t remind me and secondly I fucked him.” You retorted, swatting her shoulder jokingly,

Bucky noticed the two of you watching him, and got up, making his way over to the table with Sam in tow.

“Hello Tash,” he greeted her first, giving her a peck on the cheek,

Natasha was always happy to see him, and affectionately greeted him back. Sam took a seat beside you and Bucky sat opposite you, nodding at you in greeting.

“How are you?” Natasha asked Bucky, in obvious reference to his recovery,

“Doing great thanks,” he replied, “Congrats on the twins if I haven’t already said so,” he smiled at her,

You struck up a conversation with Sam, zoning out on Nat and Bucky’s conversation.

“How’s the family?” you asked him, his younger sister Sarah and brother Gideon had recently moved in with after their father had passed away. Sam being the kind generous man he was, had taken them in, since they were both still in college and their mom, was late too.

“They’re good, Sarah is a colossal pain in my ass but yeah they’re coping. Adjusting to city life I guess,” He replied, “How’s Stevie boy?” he asked, with a grin, him and Steve had become good friends despite everything, whenever they hung out together, they messed around like the oldest of friends.

“Ah, he’s in Barcelona actually, for six more weeks,” You say, with a sigh,

“I read about that,” Sam joked, “Looked like you had a fabulous time there,”

You chuckled, “I did actually, it was amazing,”

“But you’re happy?” Sam asked, a small smile on his face. After he had found out about what Luke had done, he was furious with him, and in the coming months had kept asking if you were okay, and regularly checking in with you and how things were going with Steve.

“Happiest I have been in a long time, thank you Sam,” you reply, giving his arm a thankful squeeze for asking, Sam gave her a warm smile and then both of you turned back to join the conversation between Bucky and Nat. You spent the rest of the baby shower with your friends, celebrating Natasha and the new life she was going to bring into the world.


	10. Babies!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh the song in this fic is Elvis Presley - Cant help falling in love and it is one of my favorites! You should listen to it! 
> 
> Yeahh so i hope you enjoy to, leave me some feedback, because I am starting to doubt where this fic is any good. this chapter was almost 10k words so i am splitting it up into two chapters, the next one i will post in 12 hours :)

The months flew by, and before you knew it, Steve was back home after his movie was complete and Natasha was giving birth. When Bruce had called you to let you know she had gone into labor, you rushed over to the hospital with Steve. Both of you excited to meet the newest editions to the Romanoff-Banner family.

“Knock knock,” you say softly, rapping on the door to Natasha’s hospital suite, and popping your head in.

The room was warm, and well lit. Natasha was in the hospital bed, plied up with pillows, and blankets, she looked tired but happy, in her arms the tiniest bundle of blankets. Beside her Bruce sat with the biggest smile on his face, as he held one of his sons.

“Hey mom and dad,” you said quietly, but in an excited voice,

Nat grinned at you as you walked in, you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek then moved to the little bundle in her arms as Steve said hello to both of them. When you looked down at him, your heart felt like it was going to explode with love,

He had the tiniest face, his tiny hand clutching onto one of Nat’s fingers, your eyes suddenly tears up as you looked at him. “Y/N meet Ronan Cillian Banner,” she said softly, gazing down at her son her eyes full of love, “And Jonathan Rhys Banner” she looked over to Bruce,

You clutched your hands to your chest as you looked at Ronan in mothers arms, at only a few hours old, he already looked like her. The red hair, the pursed red lips. Steve stood behind you, his hands on your shoulders as you both leaned in close,

“Can I hold him?” You asked, your eyes bright with emotion,

“Of course,” Nat replied with a soft smile, and slowly handed him to you,

As soon as you cradled Ronan’s tiny body in your arms, your emotions got the better of you and tears fell. “He is so beautiful,” you say, your voice choked with emotion,

Bruce stood up and came over to where you and Steve stood, “Would you like to hold him?” Bruce asked Steve,

“Oh, uh yeah I would love to,” Steve replied, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

Bruce gently handed Jonathan over to Steve and then brought up two chairs for both of you to sit down. As you sat, gazing down at the infant in your arms, it felt like your entire world was spinning. “You did good kid,” You said to Nat, not taking your eyes of the little boy, you placed a soft kiss on one of his soft squishy cheeks,

“It seems one of our sons is already a lady killer,” Nat laughed softly,

“I am in love,” you laughed with her, you look at Steve cradling Jonathan in his arms, and it suited him so well. He looked like a father, definitely more a daddy, but it suited him.

“How are you doing?” You asked her, refusing to put Ronan down, you held him to your chest inhaling his fresh newborn smell, feeling full of love.

“Tired, but so happy,” she replied, with a huge grin,

You reached over and grasped her hand giving it squeeze, “Congrats Nat, you’re a mom!”, and both of you just grinned at each other.

A few hours later, Natasha’s mother arrived, along with other close relatives as did Bruce’s. Steve and you excused yourselves, wanting to give the new parents space to be with their families.

“Shall we get some coffee?” Steve asked, as the two of you walked hand in hand theough the hospital hallways,

“I am actually feeling for pasta for some reason,” you replied, shrugging, not knowing why you were craving pasta.

Steve looked at you and then started laughing, “Okay, that was so random, but let’s get some pasta”

You were becoming accustomed to Steve’s notoriety as you left the hospital, there were already photographers outside, asking questions. Steve just smiled and ignored them, he always handled it so gracefully. You tended to get annoyed by some of the questions they asked, but remained silent as you made your way to Steve’s car. As usual his bodyguard was there to usher you into the car, closing the door behind you.

The two of you headed to a nearby restaurant and were seated at a booth. You ordered your food, thanking the waiter after he brought you both drinks.

“I cant believe Nat is a mom,” you mused, twirling the stem of your wine glass in your hand,

Steve nodded in agreement, “She’s going to be a great mother,” he replied,

You open your mouth to reply but stopped short when you gazed across the room and saw Bucky sitting at a table nearby, opposite him with her back facing you was a brunette-haired girl, her frame tiny and petite.

Bucky’s gaze met yours for a second and he flashed you his dazzling smile before his eyes went back to his date. “Y/N?” Steve said, looking at you confused,

“Oh sorry, what were you saying?” You snap out of it and look back at Steve,

“Just that we are coming up on six months of dating,” he repeated, with a big smile on his face,

“Shit, that was fast,” you replied, leaning in to give him a kiss, to which he obliged,

“I don’t know if this is fast, but I was wondering if you would like to go down to the Hamptons with me sometime this month to meet my family?” Steve asked, nervously,

You froze for a moment, that was a big step in your relationship. “Uhh, yeah, I guess that would be great,” you said, your mind not fully agreeing with the decision your mouth was making, but the look on Steve’s face you just didn’t have the heart to say no.

Your gaze trailed back to Bucky and his date, as Steve began talking about his family in the Hamptons. You couldn’t see her face, but you had a funny feeling that it was Wanda, Bucky looked so happy on the date, he reached across the table and ran his fingers through her hair. Averting your gaze from them you scowled slightly and then returned your gaze to Steve, your handsome Steve, and suddenly felt guilty.

Steve was sitting here, being an absolute gentleman to you, he tried his hardest to make sure your relationship was as normal as possible with him. And you loved him for it, despite his fame Steve was one of the most down to earth people you knew. He was kind, and humble and sweet, things you needed in your life after Luke. And even though he was all these things, you still felt a clench n your chest seeing Bucky with another woman, and you chastised yourself and then shoved your feelings aside.

A little while later after your delicious pasta dinner with Steve, you were exiting the restaurant when you bumped into Bucky and his date. Who lo and behold turned out to be Wanda,

“Hey, you,” Bucky greeted you with a smile as he walked up to where you stood, waiting with Steve for the valet.

“Hey Buck,” you replied, returning the hug he gave you,

Bucky greeted Steve with a polite nod, and you looked over Wanda after greeting her. She looked happy, holding Bucky’s hand in hers, you gave her a small smile, she had clearly gotten what she wanted, after pining after Bucky for so long.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Bucky smirked at you, knowing that this restaurant happened to be one of your favorite ones to come to with him,

“I suppose I could say the same for you,” you replied, wishing the valet would hurry up. The whole situation felt awkward, Steve wasn’t very fond of Bucky since he had yelled at you a few months back and well Bucky just didn’t like Steve in general.

“Well, I had to treat Wanda to a nice date, couldn’t think of a better place,” Bucky retorted, with that stupid smug grin on his face,

You rolled your eyes at him, not deigning to respond to him, thankfully the valet pulled up with Steve’s car, “Goodnight James, Wanda,” you said, as Steve opened the door for you, and you got in,

You saw the look of annoyance flash in Bucky’s eyes as you called him James, but you didn’t want to deal with that right now, you just wanted to get away from him and Wanda.

Later that evening, you and Steve were getting ready for bed, when he came up behind you as you were standing in his closet changing for bed.

“Y/N,” he said softly, leaning against the doorway of his walk in closet,

“Yeah?”

“What happened between you and Bucky?” Steve asked,

Your heart jumped, you always thought Steve had chosen to ignore the tension between you and Bucky but it was clear that he noticed it. “Nothing why?” you replied as nonchalant as possible, even though your heart was thumping in your chest,

“Are you sure there is nothing you want to tell me?” Steve repeated, by the sound of his voice you knew that he obviously knew something, but you lied,

“Yes, I am sure Steve,” you replied, turning around to face him,

“Okay, but you would tell me, right? If there was something?” Steve asked, pulling you toward him, as he wrapped his muscular arms around your waist.

“Of course, I would, I love you,” you replied softly, placing your lips on his.

This answer seemed to satisfy Steve, as he kissed you harder. His hands roaming across your back and ass. Picking you up, Steve maneuvered the two of you to his bed, and tumbled into it together, eager to explore each other’s bodies that night.

____________________________

Two weeks later, it was a sunny Saturday morning, summer was rapidly approaching. You were in Natasha’s home, in the nursery. Cradling Ronan in your arms once more, softly singing Elvis Presley to him, to soothe him. Jonathan was in the crib, sound asleep.

“Shall I stay, would it be a sin, if I can’t help falling in love with yooouuu,” you sing softly, swaying with him in your arms, he had a small smile on your face, “Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you,” your voice wasn’t terrible, Natasha had always said you had a great voice for singing but you never pursued it as it was never something you were proud of.

“Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes somethings are meant to be,” you twirled in a soft circle, and smile broke out on the infants face again, “So take my hand, take my whole life too, for I, can’t help falling in love with you,”, your heart was absolutely smitten with Natasha and Bruce’s sons, they were possibly the thing you loved most in the world at the moment.

“You always did have a beautiful voice,” a soft voice said breaking you out of your trance of singing, “And that always was your favorite song,”

You looked up and saw Bucky standing in the doorway, he was wearing his usual all black ensemble, looking as devastatingly handsome as ever.

 

“Hello sweetheart,” Bucky said softly, walking into the nursery, giving you a kiss in the cheek.

“Hey,” you replied quietly, smiling at him,

“Bruce let me in,” Bucky explained, not that you were questioning why he was here. He had obviously come to see the newest members of the group. He looked down at Ronan in your arms and suddenly had a soft smile on his face,

“Holy shit he’s cute, and looks exactly like Nat,” he breathed, almost mesmerized.

“Do you want to hold one?” you asked him,

“Oh no no, I’m not good with kids,” he replied automatically backing away,

You laughed, “Don’t be so dramatic Bucky, its not neuroscience, here” you gently thrust Ronan into his arms, and a panicked look came over Bucky’s face, but he relaxed the moment he cradled the new born in his arms.

You watched as Bucky examined the infant in his arms, a small smile splayed on his lips. “So these are our god sons huh?” he said, grinning at you, as he took a seat on one of the chairs in the nursery.

You nodded, “They are so fucking cute,” you said, going over to him and resting your chin in his shoulder as you both looked down at the infant.

Bucky turned his head slightly and looked at you, “You look beautiful,” he murmured, the moment the words left his mouth, you recoiled slightly.

Standing up you moved away from him, wanting to put some distance between the two of you. “You can’t say things like that Bucky,” you sighed, crossing your arms over your arms

“Why not? It’s the truth,” he said, giving you his usual eat shit smirk,

“You’re an ass,” was your only reply,

“But you love me,” he shot back,

“I actually don’t you work on my nerves,” you retorted,

“That’s a damn lie,”

“So, are you and Wanda dating now?” You asked, changing the subject,

“Why do you care?” Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow,

“I don’t,” you replied, suddenly flushed, wishing you hadn’t asked him about Wanda,

“You clearly do,” he smirked, cockily,

That smirk made you want to smack him, and the only thing stopping you from doing that was the fact that he held Ronan in his arms.

“Get over yourself Bucky, I hope she makes you happy,” You sneered, you sounded like a jealous girlfriend which wasn’t the way you intended it, but it came out that way,

“Well I hope Steve makes you happy,” he snapped back,

“He does actually,” you huffed, taking a step towards him,

Bucky stood up and walked over to the crib, gently placing Ronan down before he turned to you, taking two sure strides before he stood toe to toe with you.

“Of course, he does,” he said sarcastically, “He knows you so well,”

“And just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” You snapped at him,

“You know what it means,” Bucky replied, leaning in so that his face was now inches way from yours,

Your heart was racing as your stared into his icy blue eyes,

“Do you actually love him or is it just the comfort of it all,” Bucky asked, challengingly,

Before you knew it, you drew your hand back and slapped him as hard as you could. Bucky stepped back looking at you stunned, holding his jaw, and he chuckled in somewhat disbelief. You immediately regretted hitting him and wanted to apologize but your proud was stinging from what he had said, and your stubbornness was refusing to allow you to open your mouth to say sorry.

“I guess that answers my question,” he said, with a smug look on his face again,

Both of you were quiet for a moment, just looking at each other, Bucky bit his lower lip as his gaze wandered over you, making you feel exposed beneath it. Bruce suddenly appeared in the doorway much to your relief. “Nat is looking for the two of you,” he said, looking suspiciously between you two, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” you and Bucky replied in unison,

“Uh huh,” Bruce mused, with a raised eyebrow, “Come,” he beckoned.

Natasha and Bruce sat opposite yourself and Bucky in the living room, both with entirely judgmental looks on their faces.

“So, why are we here?” Bucky asked, leaning back against the couch,

“Because, we are about to legally make the two of you the guardians to our children and we have a few rules we are going to discuss,” Natasha said, looking pointedly between the two of you,

“There’s rules?” you asked incredulously,

“Yes,” Both of them replied in agreement,

You and Bucky exchange a look, you were still annoyed with him but you put that aside for the moment when you saw the seriousness on Natasha and Bruce’s face.

“Okay well, let’s hear these rules then,” Bucky sighed,

“Firstly, let me start by saying this is a serious task and we chose the two of you because well, you have been a major part of our lives.” Bruce said,

“You’re both pretty much the only family I would trust to raise my kids if anything happened to us,” Natasha added,

“So the rules before you both sign the document here as follows,” Bruce said, and then let Natasha proceed,

“Rule number one. The twins cannot be separated, under any circumstances.” She said, Bruce nodded in agreement,

“Rule number two, they have to live with either one of you but you both get custody of them, meaning you have equal responsibility of them.” Natasha continued, “Ruler number three, you both have to live in the same city, I know that sounds unreasonable, but our children need to have both parents influence in their lives,”

“Rule number four, and this is an important one,” Bruce said taking over, “We don’t care what is going on between the two of you, now or in the future whether you love each other and get married or hate each other and want to kill each other, by signing this document you are agreeing to put aside your differences and raise out children with love and care no matter what.”

“Can you do that for us?” Natasha asked, looking at the two of you expectantly,

The weight of the decision they had put before you was enormous. They were basically giving you their children, if anything happened to them. You didn’t know if you and Bucky would even be friends in a few years’ time or if you were even friends now. But you saw the look on Natasha’s face and you knew what you had to do,

Leaning forward, you grabbed the pen on the coffee table, and scribbled your signature on the legal document, then sat back and looked at Bucky. He looked at you then at Natasha and Bruce, before grabbing the pen as well and signing the document.

A huge smile broke out on Natasha’s face, “Oh thank god!” she exclaimed, “We were worried you fuckers were going to back out!”,

“No way, those kids are stuck with me,” You laughed,

“We’re going to be the best fucking godparents any kid is ever going to have,” Bucky said proudly, with a grin. You couldn’t help but smile at how happy he seemed to be their godfather,

“Alright, well then let’s celebrate this moment,” Bruce said happily, going over to the bar and pouring three glasses of champagne, and water for Natasha.

The four of you, happily toasted to the significant moment and a new step in all your lives.

Two months later…

“Baby, have you seen my tie?” Steve called from the closet,

You were sitting in front of the dresser, surrounded by a hairstylist, a make up artist and a stylist. Steve was taking you to the premier of his new movie. It was going to be your first public appearance together at one of these events, and you were nervous as all hell.

“Which tie?” You called back,

“The brown one,” he replied, coming out of the closet, looking ever so dashing in his black suit, his shirt buttoned to the top.

“Here it is Mr Rogers,” The stylist name Lisa said, handing it to Steve with a smile,

“Thank you, Lisa,” Steve said, going back into the closet to finished getting dressed.

“All done,” the make up artist said, after she had applied lipstick on you. you looked at yourself in the mirror and hardly recognized yourself, your hair pinned half up, half down. A soft peach color on your lips but smoky eyes, they had given you gorgeous diamond earrings to wear.

You stood up from the chair, clad in a silky robe given to you by the stylist before you were to put on your dress. Which apparently, she was going to help you get into, it was chosen by Steve’s publicist to complement his suit.

The stylist helped you into the dress that was chosen for you, a stunning purple silken two piece dress. It showed a bit more skin than you were comfortable with, but when you saw how it fitted your form it was suddenly your new favorite dress. It was long and flowy and had a bit of a train to it. The stylist then handed you a pair of silver heels, which she also helped you get into. You looked nothing like your former self, you were simple and enjoyed the simplicity, tonight you looked like royalty.

 

Steve walked back into the room and stopped short when he caught sight of you, “Holy fuck,” he gulped, his gaze sweeping over you, “You are breathtaking,”

“Not too much?” You asked, fidgeting with one of the expensive diamond rings they had given you to wear,

“Absolutely not, you look a million dollars,” He said, walking over to you and wrapping his arms around your exposed waist,

He was about to kiss but the make up artists interjected, “Uh no Steve, move away, I just finished her make up,” she swatted him away with one of her brushes, making you laugh as he stepped back, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Later then,” He winked at you, and you couldn’t help but blush as the three other girls in the room all whistled and catcalled at his comment.

The premier was nothing you had ever expected, it was flashy and loud and an extravagant affair. Movie stars, singers, models, socialites, all in attendance and Steve was the center of it all. His publicist and manager instructing you how to talk, how to walk, what to say in interviews, how to pose next to him. It was all very overwhelming. When you exited the car, escorted by Steve onto the blue carpet, you were dazed by all the lights, cameras and people.

 

Steve walked you down the carpet, the constant flashing of the camera’s causing you to see spots but you held it together, plastering a fake smile on your face as his publicist said. Steve kept his hand placed on the small of your back, and threw you an assuring look, as you both posed for the cameras.

“You are a vision,” he murmured beside you, giving you a kiss on the cheek, which just sent the photographers into a frenzy, and they asked for more affection.

You began to feel slightly overwhelmed by all this attention, and Steve saw it. He began to usher you across the carpet towards the reporters waiting to interview him. Going down the line, Steve answered question after question, and you chimed in whenever you were asked a question,

“Steve!” a blonde-haired reporter greeted him excitedly as they approached,

He returned her greeting and then introduced you, “This is Y/N, my girlfriend,” he said affectionately looking at you, you gave them a fake smile as your heart was pounding in your chest. You kept going over the answers you could say in your head, not wanting to fuck this up for Steve. 

Steve began answering questions about his movie, and you stood beside him smiling like a robot, occasionally nodding your head and laughing at his jokes.

“So how long have you two been dating?” The reporter asked directing her question to you,

“Uh, almost nine months now,” you said, confidently, as that was one of the answers they rehearsed with you.

“And what’s it like dating one of the sexiest men alive?” she asked, flashing Steve a flirty grin, to which he laughed,

“A lot of sweatpants and takeout believe it or not,” you replied giving her your best enthusiastic smile,

She laughed and turned to Steve, “But that trip to Barcelona a few months ago looks as glamorous as ever,” She said to him,

Steve shrugged and gave her a dazzling smile, “I had to impress her somehow,” he said, “All this doesn’t impress her, she’s a scientist,” he waved around at the crowd and the photographers jokingly,

This answer seemed to annoy the reporter, “Before we end this, we just want to confirm rumors that you are going to propose to Y/N soon? I mean you were at Harry Winston a few weeks ago.”

This question blindsided both of you and Steve immediately said “No comment,” before walking you away from her, “I am so sorry Y/N,” he quickly said, when he saw the evident panicked look on your face, was he really planning to propose, that was all that was going through your head.

“Its fine Steve, can I just go wait with your publicist, I don’t want to continue the rest of the carpet,” you mumbled, feeling like you couldn’t breathe,

“Of course baby,” he replied, giving you a kiss before signaling for his assistant Josh, you could feel all the eyes on you and the people snapping away with their phones and cameras. The last thing you needed was to have a panic attack on the blue carpet of Steve’s premiere.

Josh led you down the carpet, and you could hear people shouting your name asking for photos, but you ignored them. You needed just keep breathing, suddenly there was a strong hand on your lower back, which startled you. You turn to see who it was,

“Bucky!” you exclaimed softly, relief flooding through you as you see a familiar face,

“Hello sweetheart,” he murmured, a typical James Buchanan smirk on his face, he was dressed in a navy-blue suit, he was as always exceptionally handsome. You hear the multiple click of cameras flash in your direction as Bucky escorts you down the rest of the carpet, telling Josh it was fine, he knew the way.

A reporter suddenly stepped in front of the two of you, shoving her recording device in your face.

“Who are you wearing Y/N?” she asked,

You were startled by her sudden appearance, but Bucky being ever so graceful in the public eye answered for you.

“She’s wearing the ever so talented Christin Siriano,” he replied flashing her a smile, that made her blush,

“And who are you?” she asked Bucky, “And who are you wearing?”

“I’m her stylist and its Hugo Boss, obviously,” Bucky said, sarcastically, and then side stepped her, putting his arm around your waist and walking you away from her.

“Get me out of here,” you mumbled, and he nodded, both of you quickly walking towards the cinema entrance.

Once inside, Bucky handed you a bottle of water and you had to sit down. The chaos of so much attention had given you a mini panic attack. You weren’t used to all of this, or you were kind of aware of the level of Steve’s celebrity status but this was just overwhelming to you.

“How did you even find me? And why are you here?” You asked Bucky once you caught your breath again,

“It’s hard not to spot you in that dress,” He replied, winking at you, “And my father owns the cinema, we’re always invited to this shit.”

You stood up, wanting to show him your dress for some reason, you reached for his hand and let his twirl you around. “Do you like it? I feel like a fucking princess,” you laughed,

“You look like one,” Bucky grinned at you, still holding your hand,

“How did you know it was Christian Siriano?” You asked him suddenly remembering how he had saved you from embarrassment a few moments ago,

He shrugged, “I keep up with fashion, I’m rich remember,”

You rolled your eyes and laughed at his comment. “I didn’t know how intense these things were,” You said, looking around at the people now lining up to enter the cinema, all the stars of the movie making their way inside.

“Yeah these things are always chaos, I hate it.” Bucky said, moving closer to you as more people filled the room,

“So why did you come?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at him, waiting for his sarcastic answer.

“Because if I didn’t come tonight, I wouldn’t have gotten to see you look so breathtaking in that dress,” he replied, his answer throwing you for a loop, and you just stared at him. Bucky had a playful look in his eyes as he stared at you, biting his lower lip, neither of you realized how close you were standing together until Steve suddenly appeared beside you and cleared his throat.

“Steve,” you said quickly taking a step back from Bucky and letting go of his hand, who didn’t look phased at all by the situation. But Steve on the other hand look annoyed,

“Hey man,” Bucky greeted him with a handshake and a clap on the shoulder, “Congrats on the movie, it looks great,”

“Thanks, and its good to see you again James,” Steve said politely, “Y/N we should go in and get our seats,” he said turning to you, holding out his hand for your,

“Okay,” was your only response, as you look Steve’s hand and said bye to Bucky, walking away. You turned to look back at him as Steve led you to your seat, he as gazing after you with a funny look on his face and when your eyes met, he winked at you. You turn away immediately, as you had started to smile, and a blush crept into your cheeks, what the hell was James Buchanan Barnes doing to you, you thought.

Later that evening, yourself and Steve had returned to his place, the after party was fun but you wanted to sleep as you were getting drunk and didn’t want to overdo it. You had insisted Steve stay at the party and celebrate but he said he preferred to leave with you.

“Can you unzip me?” You asked Steve as you stood in front of the mirror trying to get out of your extravagant dress,

“Sure,” he smiles, getting up off the bed and moving behind you to unzip it, “Thank you for coming with me tonight,” he murmured, placing a kiss on the back of your neck as he unzipped the dress, letting it slide off you body, pooling at your feet, leaving you wearing nothing but your underwear. 

“Sure, it was great,” you reply, closing your eyes as he trailed kisses across your neck and shoulder, enjoying his touch.

“I love you so much,” Steve said softly, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling your body closer to him.

“I love you too Steve,” you said, turning around to face him. You cup his handsome face in your hands a place a soft kiss on his lips. A smile splayed on his lips as he gazes over you, Steve picks you up and carries to you to the bed, laying you down and getting between your legs.

There’s a look on his face you cant decipher, he kisses you two more times, looking into your eyes he whispers, “Marry me,”

Your entire being froze as soon as the words left his mouth, it felt like your heart stopped. You blink rapidly as you look at him, you were speechless.

Steve sits up and moves to his side of the bed and opens the draw, pulling out a small black box. You sit up as well, and stare wide-eyed at him,

“I-I got is a few weeks back, I just didn’t know how to ask you, I wasn’t sure if its what you wanted,” He stuttered opening the box,

Inside the box sat a stunning three stone diamond ring, it was probably the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. But the moment you saw it, every memory of Luke suddenly came flooding back like an avalanche tumbling down on you, and you just looked at the ring.

“Y/N?” Steve said worriedly,

It was too soon, you were already panicking. “Steve, I…” you tried to talk but couldn’t find the words, it was all suddenly happening too fast for you.

Steve saw the look on your face and immediately closed the box. “Y/N it fine, you don’t have to give me an answer if you aren’t ready,” he said quickly placing the box on the side of the bed and moving toward you,

But you needed to get out. You moved away from his touch and got off the bed. “I-I-I have to go,” you say, through tears suddenly,

“What, Y/N wait,” Steve said, confused and scared at the same time, “What is happening right now?”

“I have to go,” you repeated, pulling on a pair of your jeans and a t-shirt quickly, Steve stood up and came toward you but you pulled out of his touch immediately,

“Y/N,” he said, the hurt evident in his voice and on his face,

“I’m sorry Steve,” you whispered and then rushed out of the room, hearing him shout your name as you did so.

Twenty minutes later you found yourself at a familiar door once more, somehow you always ended up here no matter what happened in your life. In your worse moment this was always where you ended up.

The elevator dinged on the landing and you got out, into the familiar hallway. You didn’t care what time it was and how late it was. As you rounded the corner you saw him,

“Bucky,” you whispered, he whirled around when he heard your voice,

“Y/N?” he said, an astonished look on his face when he saw you, immediately rushing toward you. And once more you flung your arms around him and started crying,

Bucky didn’t say anything, he just held you close to his chest and let you cry, wanting nothing more than to comfort you.


	11. The Proposal...!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poured myself a gin and locked myself in my apartment and wrote this god damn chapter, don’t hate the reader she’s a little stupid sometimes, everyone makes mistakes? Right?. The smut is the filthiest thing I have ever written so be gentle with me please! enjoyyyyy

“Is everything okay?” Bucky asked you, pulling back slightly to look at you. your eyes puffy and red, as the makeup from the night ran down your face.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, it was Steve. You sighed and wiped the tears from your eyes, ending the call. Bucky saw this and took the phone from your hand, “Come, lets talk.” He said ushering you towards the kitchen.

A few minutes later, you sat on a chair by the island counter, while Bucky made a cup of tea for you. beside you, your phone buzzed again, it was a text from Steve,

‘Baby, talk to me please,’

It was the tenth message of its kind from him, you felt guilty for running out on him but you were overcome by it all and the only person who would understand it best was Bucky.

“Y/N,” Bucky said quietly after placing the cup of tea in front of you, you were staring down at it for over a minute. Tears silently falling down your cheeks, you couldn’t find the words in this moment, it was the memories and the pain in your chest crushing down on you that had taken over. You felt like you were drowning in your emotions and regrets.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” he said softly, taking a seat beside you.

All you could do was shake your head slightly, as the tears kept coming. You had loved Luke for so long, and it physically hurt you when he left you, and the moment Steve had said those two words, it was like a door inside you had been ripped open and all those feelings you were trying to keep away came tumbling out.

“Did you and Steve break up?” Bucky asked, cupping your face in his hand and turning your face to his. You looked into his blue eyes, filled with concern, he had always been there for you from day one. No matter what happened in your life, somehow this man had stuck through it all, stayed by your side, always cheered you up, picked you up and brushed you off in your darkest moments.

“Bucky…” you say softly your voice choked with emotion,

Its like he can’t take it anymore, he pulls you to his chest, holding you tightly. “Tell me how to take the pain away Y/N,” he murmured, kissing the top of your head,

“Let me stay?” you murmured against his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist tightly,

“Of course, sweetheart, anything for you,” he immediately responded,

You stepped out of his arms, and wiped the tears from your face. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and immediately regretted it. You were disheveled and your face bright red from crying,

“Come on let’s get you a room,” Bucky said, taking your hand and leading you out of the kitchen, down the hallway.

He led you to one of the spare rooms, and got you one of his t-shirts to sleep in. Bucky sat on the bed as you changed, when you emerged from the bathroom, he looked at you with a small smile on his face, his dazzling blue eyes still sparkling in the dim light.

Pulling the hem of the t-shirt lower, you walk over and take a seat beside him. He doesn’t say anything because he knows you don’t want to talk right now, he brushes his fingertips across your arm, capturing your hand in his, he grasps it firmly. Entwining his fingers between yours,

“Whatever it is, you’ll be okay,” he murmured, then gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. You leaned into it, closing your eyes, warmth radiating off his muscular body. Turning your face so that your forehead rested on his, you kept your eyes closed as your reached up and ran your hand across his jaw. Bucky sighs softly as he reacts to your touch,

“Y/N,” he murmurs, and you open your eye to find him gazing intensely at you. Bucky leaned closer to you and brushed his lips against yours, a shiver runs down your spine as you feel he warmth of his breath.

You can already sense the regret coursing your veins, but it was too late now, his lips against yours, you leaned into the kiss, breathing him in. Bucky pulled you into his arms immediately shedding his t-shirt and tugging at yours, “I want you,” he murmurs against neck, biting the skin harshly, he pulls back and looks at you with lust filled eyes,

The passion and raw emotion between the two of you is palpable, and Bucky’s hands travelling down your now naked waist, you didn’t stop his advances, in fact you wanted him as much as he wanted you. His hands grabbed your ass, pulling you onto his crotch where you can feel his arousal press against your core. your faces a hairsbreadth away from each other.

Nothing matters in that moment, all that both of you want is each other, naked, raw, exposed. Every thought is out the window, as Bucky kisses you roughly, biting your lower lip. A lustful moan escaping your lips, he tangles his fingers in the hair at the nape of your neck, deepening the kiss further. He want this, he wants all of you and he wants you now.

You fall back onto the bed, pulling Bucky on top of you between your legs. He catches his weight with is forearms, his lips finding yours again as you continue to passionately make out. He presses his hardon against your groin, languidly rocking creating a friction between the two of you. You break away from the kiss as a moan escapes your lips.

Your hands sliding across the span if his muscular chest, as you link your arms around his neck, pulling him chest to chest with you. Bucky kisses, and bites across your neck and shoulders, making your shudder with desire. In one swift movement Bucky removes your panties, shedding his boxers as well, and pulls your hips towards him,

For a moment he hesitates, he knows this routine with you. You’re in a state of vulnerability, he would be taking advantage of you if he proceeded. But as you lay before him, in naked glory all reason flew out the window and he lean down once more, kissing across your breasts, relishing in the moans coming from you. 

“Fuck me Bucky,” you whispered lustfully, biting his neck,

He froze for a moment at the words that had just left your mouth, and suddenly he was like a man starved. He needed you, every inch of you. He placed his tip at your entrance, languidly rubbing it against your sex. Your wetness driving him insane, he just wants to be inside you. Forgoing anymore foreplay, he enters you in one smooth swift motion. Both of you gasping at the pleasure that courses through you, he is bare inside you, and it feels magnificent. Bucky gives you a moment to adjust to his girth and then languidly moves on top of you, each stroke stronger than the next. Savoring your pulsating feel around him,

He’s had sex countless times before but with you it was different, it was electric. He leans down and captures your mouth with his, growling with satisfaction when you moan lustfully against his mouth, his hands travels down your thigh, hitching it up so it hooks around his waist. Angling his penetration at the perfect angle, your moans getting louder as you feel your orgasm approach.

“B-bucky,” you pant, throwing your head back as your ecstasy approaches,

“Come for me, beautiful,” he murmurs speeding up his strokes, and pressing kisses along your neck.

And just like that you are coming undone. Your orgasm rips through your body, toes curling, bedsheet clenching as you cried out in pleasure. Arching your back and pressing your body against Bucky’s, he continued to fuck you, not slowing down the pace. You’re loud and babbling as he fucks you through your orgasm, scratching at his back with pleasure.

Bucky doesn’t stop, he keeps going. And a few minutes later you feel another orgasm approaching, panting you open your eyes and gaze into his icy blue eyes, filled with lust and passion. Cupping his jaw, you drew his face to yours and kissed his passionately, forgetting everything else as he brought you to orgasm again. You fell back, his name falling repeatedly from your lips as you clenched the bedsheets from passion.

“God, I love you,” the words spilling from your mouth like poison, unintentional poison,

As he heard the words before Bucky knew it, he was coming undone as well. At the last second Bucky realizes he is not wearing any protection, and he wrenched himself away from you, disentangling himself from your legs as his hand closed around his shaft, finishing off himself off.

You’re both breathing heavily once it is done. Bucky collapses on the bed beside you, saying nothing. Your heart is hammering in your chest, not only from the activity you had just partaken in but also from guilt of the deed you had just committed. Pushing those thoughts out of your head, you got up off the bed and headed to the bathroom. Leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts, neither of your ready to face what had just happened once more.

A few minutes later you emerged from the bathroom, Bucky lay on the bed beneath the covers, which lay loosely over his hips. You got into bed beside him, quietly. This was beginning to become a habit; every time you were emotionally vulnerable you ran into Bucky’s arms.

“So that happened,” he mused, “Again,”

You were quiet, then sighed deeply. “What have I done,” you whispered, burying your face into one of the pillows, Bucky moved closer to you, wrapping his arm around your naked waist and pressed his body flush against yours.

“I love you Y/N,” he murmured against the back of your neck, placing soft kisses as he moved, once again you could feel his erection pressed against your back, and you sighed grinding against it.

Bucky wrapped his arm over your shoulder and across one of your breasts, holding you tightly to him as he bit down on your neck and then slowly entered you. He moved languidly inside of you, making love for the second time that night, until both of you fell asleep.

The next morning you are jolted awake by the sound of a woman’s voice, wafting down the hallway.

“Jaaaaaames” the voice sang, and you immediately recognized it as Wanda’s,

You immediately sat up and hit Bucky over the head, “Get up asshole” you hissed,

“Wh-what’s wrong?” he replied groggily opening one yes and looking at you, but then he heard her voice and he jolted awake as well,

“Why the hell is Wanda here?” You hissed at him, diving out of bed and pulling any item of clothes you could on. The las thing you needed was anyone seeing you in bed with Bucky,

“Ah fuck, get in the bathroom,” Bucky said, getting up as well, trying to fix the bed and pulling on his boxers,

“What?” you replied shocked,

“Just go quickly, god dammit!” he shot back, waving you off

“Are you trying to hide me?!” You susurrated at him, angrily.

“Y/N please!” he begged, a desperate look on his face,

“Oh my god! Are you actually dating Wanda?” You seethed at him in a whisper,

“Yes, now get in the bathroom!” Bucky shot back, desperately waving his hands at you,

“You fucking asshole!” you exclaimed angrily, “I can’t believe you!”

Bucky moved quickly clamping his hand over your mouth before you could continue yelling at him, “Y/N, please just listen to me,” he pleaded, “I’m sorry,”

“Let go of me” you snapped shoving him away from you,

“I’m sorry Y/N,” he repeated, glancing nervously at the door as footsteps approached.

You were shivering with rage at him but allowed him to lead you to the bathroom and shut the door. You felt like an absolute asshole at this point. On the other side of the door, you heard Bucky greet Wanda, and make up a phony excuse as to why he was in the guest bedroom, then you heard him say he will take her for breakfast.

The moment you heard the bedroom door close you flung open the bathroom door, grabbed your jeans and t-shirt and got dressed. Rage building up towards Bucky with each passing second. You grabbed your phone and exited the bedroom, you could hear Wanda and Bucky’s voice in the kitchen, you sneaked passed them and quickly made your way to the elevator.

You grabbed a pair of Bucky’s Rayban sunglasses on your way out, you waited nervously or the elevator, and as it dinged on the landing, out stepped Rebecca Bucky’s sister.

“Y/N!” she greeted happily throwing her arms around you in a hug,

“Becca, hey,” you hugged her back, nervously, throwing a glance down the passage hoping Wanda and Bucky couldn’t hear you,

Rebecca looked over you once with a weird look on her face, “Oh shit are you doing the walk on shame?” she whispered excitedly, “Wait what about Steve?”

“Shut up,” you aid instinctively, then retracted, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, fuck, Becca please don’t say anything to anyone,” you begged,

“Of course, my lips are sealed,” she said, making a zipping motion across her lips and tossing away the imaginary key,

Just then you heard Wanda and Bucky walking down the hallway toward the elevator and you quickly dodged passed Rebecca, saying goodbye to her “You never saw me,” and hit the lobby button, eager to escape this situation.

The cab ride home was absolute torture, you were wracked with guilt, and regret. Turning your phone on, you saw almost a dozen missed calls from Steve, and messages from him. You sighed deeply as you scrolled through them,

‘Y/N, I am sorry I sprung this on you, please come back.’

‘I know this is sudden, but I love you and want to be with you, tell me how to fix this?’

‘Its late and you’re not answering, just please tell me you got home safe?’

‘So, you’re not at home, where are you? I am worried sick.’

The messages continued along similar lines, eventually they had stopped. You didn’t know what to do, you couldn’t see him right now, not when you were still covered in the smell of your fuck session with Bucky.

As soon as you got home, you turn on the shower and jump in. scrubbing your body vigorously as if you were trying to scrub away the memory of last night. when you got out you looked at yourself in the mirror, hardly even recognizing the person you had become, you had done the one thing you vowed never to do. You had cheated on Steve, and with Bucky of all people. Both of you had fucked up and there were people going to get hurt because of your actions.

You needed to talk to Natasha, but you knew she was going to disapprove wholesale of what you had done. Bruce would understand, possibly but he wouldn’t keep it from Natasha. Quickly getting dressed in a simple jeans and white t-shirt, you tied your hair in a loose ponytail and put on sneakers. You grabbed your phone and dialed, hoping the person on the other end would pick up.

“Hey Y/N,” Sam’s voice sounded through the receiver,

“Hey Sam, you busy?” you asked.

“No, what’s up?” He answered,

“Meet me for breakfast?” you said, hoping he would say yes,

“Sure, Brooklyn in an hour?” he replied. You agreed and hung up,

You waited agitatedly for an hour to pass before heading out to meet Sam. You hadn’t replied to any of Steve’s messages, you didn’t know how to, not until you got advice from someone on this fucked up situation.

Sam was already waiting at the small diner when you arrived, he got up to greet you when he saw you walk in.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked, giving you a hug,

You took a seat opposite him, still wearing Bucky’s sunglasses, “Not great,” you mumbled.

The waitress approached the booth and took your orders, then Sam turned his attention back to you,

“So, tell me what’s going on?” Sam said, taking a sip of the coffee in front of him, 

“I fucked up Sam,” You sighed, taking off the sunglasses, “I fucked up real bad,”

He waited for you to continue,

“I slept with Bucky,” you mutter, groaning, you cover your face with your hands. Awaiting his incredulous judgement.

“Oh boy, and when was this?” He asked, looking stunned,

“Last night,” you groaned, “Steve proposed to me and being the fucking coward that I am, ran away because all I could think of when I saw that ring was Luke and what he had done to me and how much it hurt, and I ran straight into Bucky’s arm.”

“Wait wait, Steve proposed to you?!” Sam back tracked looking even more shocked, “Did you say no?”

“No…” you muttered, dejectedly,

“So, you just ran away?!” Sam’s voice raising an octave,

“But that’s not even the worst part, this morning it turns out Bucky is dating Wanda! And she came over and he practically threw me into the bathroom trying to hide me from her, I had to sneak out of his apartment, like the shameful wench I am!” you wailed, a few heads turning your way at your raised voice,

“Are you fucking joking me?” Sam replied, sighing and facepalming himself, “This situation just keeps getting worse, what were you two even thinking!”

“What do I do?” you sighed, “I love Steve, I feel so terrible for doing this,”

“As you should, you both fucked up! Especially Bucky!” Sam said, shaking his head, 

“Tell me what to do Sam,” you asked, almost pleadingly,

“Well, I think the first thing you need to do is talk to your man Y/N,” Sam said solemnly, “Fix things with Steve, and if you really love him, you won’t tell him what happened with Bucky, because it was a moment of weakness, right” Sam gives you a look,

“Yeah of course, it wont ever happen again,” You nodded hastily in agreement,

“Then go find Steve and apologize, and stay away from Bucky, you two are toxic together, I love you both but you two are too fucked up for each other,” Sam said, with brutal honesty,

“Ouch,” you mumbled, but you knew his words were true. You did love Steve and after the stunt Bucky had pulled this morning you were still too furious with him to even talk to him,

“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.” Sam apologized placing his hand on yours,

Just then the waitress appeared with your food, and you and Sam chatted over breakfast. All while your mind on how you were going to speak to Steve.

After breakfast you headed to Steve’s apartment, your heart hammering in your chest the entire way there. You paced in the lobby for twenty minutes before finally getting the courage to go upstairs. You rang the buzzer, fidgeting nervously as you waited for him to open the door.

A few moments later, Steve opened the door. He looked disheveled and tired, he was shirtless wearing only grey sweatpants. His face lit up when he saw you, and you felt a pang in your chest, and you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt him more than you already did by walking out.

“Come inside,” Steve said, beckoning you in,

You stepped into the hallway, shutting the door behind you, and looked at him. He looked so happy and hopeful to see you, and before you knew it, the words were tumbling out of your mouth,

“Yes,” you whispered, looking at him, a lump forming in your throat,

“What,” he responded, a shocked look on his face,

“Yes,” you repeated, and a look of understanding dawned on his face.

Steve threw his arms around you, hugging you tightly. “thank god,” he murmured, bringing your mouth to his and kissing you, “I love you,” he repeated it again and again. each time it felt like his words were a knife stabbing your heart, and guilt ripped through you like a torpedo, you were young and stupid and a coward.


	12. A life changing moment...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a long week, and I tried to write this but yeah, idk how its going to go down so I hope you all like it!

The hefty 3 carat rock on your finger felt like it was the weight of the world. You had spoken to Steve and explained why you ran out, he was sympathetic and even apologetic which only made you feel worse. You left out the part of where you went that night and that you had spoken to Sam about all this. You just wanted to bury that part of your memory, even though it was still fresh in your mind. You sat in your bedroom staring at it for a good half an hour before Natasha finally arrived at your apartment. Almost 3 months after having twins, her body was basically banging once more, she didn’t even look like a mom. She was dressed head to toe in Prada and looking fifty shades of fabulous as she stood at your apartment door.

“Hello Nat,” you greeted her, excitedly picking up one of your god sons, ushering her into your apartment,

“So why am I here? And why couldn’t you come to my place?” She asked, taking a seat, and picking up Ronan, who was fussing.

“Notice anything different about me?” You said, holding Jonathan and doing a quick twirl around,

“Did you cut your hair? Lose weight? Finally get Botox?” she asked sarcastically, 

You laughed, “Natasha!” you exclaimed, “Be serious,”

Nat looked you over once then her eyes came to a rest on your hand which cradled her son’s head.

“Y/N, is that what I think it is?” She asked, looking at you with wide eyes,

“Yep…” You replied, holding back your smile

“Oh my god! Did Steve propose? When did this happen? Oh my god I am so excited for you! Are you okay? Wait, what!” she babbled her words, unable to contain her excitement and concern,

“Yes he proposed, and it happened last night and yes I am fine.” You replied, as she hugged you,

“This is all so sudden, I mean its been less than a year, are you sure?” She asked, skeptically,

You sighed, “Natasha, you’re supposed to be happy for me not questioning my decision,”

“Oh god, I am happy for you! I am just saying, is this something you want or he wants?” Nat replied, sitting down, and placing Ronan on the

You took a seat beside her, “It’s something I want Nat,”

“And you’re okay with his lifestyle?” she pressed, “and all the pressures that come with it?”

“Well, firstly, I have never been a part of that side of his world, and I am quite happy continuing that way, and secondly, what’s with the third degree of questioning?” you replied, slightly annoyed wither,

Natasha sighed and then reached over to her handbag and pulled out a magazine, handing it to you.

You took it from her, curiously, it was a gossip magazine. You look down at the cover and your heart jumped. On the cover was a photo of you and Bucky from the night of Steve’s movie premier, you hadn’t even noticed anyone take a photo of the two of you. The picture looked rather intimate, with Bucky standing only a few inches away from you, leaning his face towards your, biting his lip, holding each other’s hands. Both of you smiling at each other, if no one knew any better they would say that you two were a couple.

The headline read in bold bright yellow letters: ‘Y/N Y/L/N getting cozy with a man who ISNT Steve Rogers?’

“What the fuck,” you murmured,

“Turn to page twenty-four, read the article,” Natasha said,

You looked up at her, slightly in shock, as you turned to the page she instructed and then read the article. Your heart hammering as you went along. You skipped passed the parts about Steve’s premier, and your eyes stopped at the photos of you and Bucky,

There were pictures of him walking you down the carpet, staring adoringly at you, it was obvious in the photos. There were pictures of his kissing your cheek and touching your face. Below the pictures there were captions about you cheating on Steve with him, they labelled Bucky, Manhattans biggest playboy.

The picture that was on the cover, had the worst caption of all.

‘Billionaire, playboy, James Buchanan Barnes, sleeping with his longtime friend Y/N, girlfriend of Steve Rogers? Do these two have no shame?’

“Oh, my fucking god, someone kill me,” You exclaimed, after reading the article, it wasn’t untrue but you couldn’t tell Natasha that. you suddenly felt sick looking at the photos of the two of you.

“I’m sorry babe,” Nat said, throwing you a sympathetic look, “But you and Bucky need to be more aware of the people around you, how stupid is he being so forward with you, with so many cameras around,” she frowned, looking at the picture again,

You covered your face with one hand, still holding Jonathan in the other. “This is a nightmare,” you muttered,

“But there’s nothing going on between you and Bucky, so it’s not a big deal, just tell Steve that,” she pointed out,

A guilty look came across your face, and Natasha saw it. She narrowed her eyes accusingly at you, “Y/N…what did you do,” she said, her voice straight and hard. 

“Nothing,” you replied, getting up and placing Jonathan back into the stroller. You had to get away from her accusatory gaze or you were going to end up confessing what happened between you and Bucky 24 hours ago.

“Bullshit,” Nat stated, also placing Ronan down. She followed you to the kitchen, you knew if you told her shit as going to go sideways, so you just changed the topic entirely. being conniving you decided to ask her the one thing that would make her drop the whole thing entirely,

“So, do you want to be my Maid of Honor?” you asked her, opening the fridge and taking out a bottle of water,

“Yes, I mean who else were you going to ask,” she replied, “Its not like you have friends,”

“Okay, no need to be a bitch about it,” you retorted,

Natasha laughed, “Well it’s the truth,”

You rolled your eyes at her, “Anyway, I have to tell my family and he has to actually meet my mother, seeing as she hasn’t met him once since we started dating.” , Your mother hadn’t been around much since your birthday, but whenever she called she mentioned the fact that she still hadn’t met Steve but she kept seeing the two of you on magazine covers. It annoyed her seeing as you were her only child, and she was happy that you were moving on from Luke, but you also knew how judgement she was.

“Oh boy, good luck with that, Diana is a pain in the ass,” Natasha said, referring to your mother,

You groaned, you loved your mother, you wouldn’t be where you were today without her but she was pedantic. She and your father had divorced when you were in high school, he lived in Boston with his husband and they never got along. “And I have to tell my dad,” you say,

“And you just know what’s going to happen there when his husband finds out, seeing as he is a wedding planner.” Natasha laughed, all of this was going to be a disaster you could already feel it.

Bucky had not stopped calling you since the morning you snuck out of his apartment, you didn’t want to see him. Not after what he had done, also because of the colossal diamond ring that now sat on your finger. How were you ever going to explain that to him.

It was three days later, when you were sitting in your lab, working through an important pitch meeting for Tony when Maria appeared beside your desk. Looking rather annoyed.

“Y/N,” She said pulling out one of your headphones,

“What?” you snap irritably, you had asked no one to bother you as this was a pitch that could potentially earn you a promotion, and you desperately wanted it.

“There is someone waiting for you outside, and he won’t leave until you see him.” Maria said, in a huff.

You sighed, “Does he have dark hair? Broody eyes? Flirts with everything he sees?”

Maria nodded, “Yes and I am sending him in, so be prepared.” She said patting your hand before she exited.

You leaned back in your chair, sighing as you waited for Bucky to enter the lab. He strolled in, looking like he just walked out of a photoshoot. Wearing his usual black ensemble, with a grey blazer and grey shoes. He had grown a bit of stubble.

“Hey Bucky,” you said, looking at him, glad that there was a table separating the two of you. As soon as the mechanical doors slid shut behind him, he looked you once over and then exploded.

“Hey Bucky?! That’s what you have to say? That’s it? You avoid me for three fucking days and that it!” He exclaimed, angrily.

You were taken aback by his sudden outburst, and suddenly your own rage matched his. “Well excuse me for not answering your calls fuckface, but if I recall you have a fucking girlfriend! What are you doing fucking me?!” you shouted back at him,

“I want to talk about,” he began but you cut him off,

“And you fucking hid me in the bathroom and took her to breakfast! Like I am some shameful whore you don’t want anyone to see! How fucking dare, you!” You raged, “I was vulnerable, and you took advantage of it!”

Bucky looked at you shocked, “I beg your pardon, but if I remember correctly YOU initiated it! You were all ‘Fuck me Bucky’,” he yelled back,

“Because I thought you were single!” You shot back, slamming your hand on the table,

“And that’s my fault how?” Bucky exclaimed, his frustration growing,

“You cheated!” you say, knowing full well so did you,

“And you didn’t? Are you and Steve actually broken up?” He shouted,

“That’s not the point!” you replied, sighing exasperatedly, Bucky was working you up and you were getting angrier by the second.

“You know why you came to me that night Y/N, it meant something,” Bucky said,

“It meant nothing, it was just fucking.” You replied harshly,

“You know that’s not true,” he said softly, “You said you loved me,” he was about to continue but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks as his gaze fell on your hand, to the shimmering rock on your left hand.

“Y/N…what the fuck is that?” he said, his voice low and aggressive,

You look down at the engagement ring on your finger, and quickly moved it off the table hiding it behind you. You heart was suddenly racing as you look at Bucky’s face, it’s a mixture of panic, and rage.

“Don’t tell me that’s what I think it is,” Bucky said, looking at you, almost pleadingly,

“Steve asked me to marry him,” you said quietly, “And I said yes,”

“What the fuck Y/N!” Bucky exclaimed, moving towards you, “Why would you say yes! When did he ask you? Did you tell him about us?”

You sighed, you had to be honest with him. “The night I came to your place,” you replied, “and no I did not tell him because there is no ‘us’ , you moron.”

Bucky was at a loss for words, he shook his head slightly from shock. “Before or after we fucked Y/N?” he said darkly,

“Before…” was your quiet reply,

“God fucking dammit Y/N!” Bucky said frustrated, running his hands through his hair, “So you used me? As an escape again? Did you know you were going to say yes?”

“No at the time I didn’t know I was going to say yes, and I never used you, you wanted it as badly as I did!” You shot back, knowing that was a stupid thing to say I this moment but your mouth was being reckless.

Bucky stopped and looked at you, the hurt evident in his eyes. “Why are you doing this? You don’t love him.” He asked, his voice low and confused,

“I do love him Bucky,” you started but Bucky raised his hand and cut you off,

“I love you Y/N, more than I ever have anyone, but you are a coward, you are running away from your feelings and running to some fantasy world that you think is what you need. Well guess what, it’s not and one day that fantasy world is going to break and don’t expect me to be standing by your side waiting with open arms for you.” He said, the sadness in his voice evident.

Before you could reply, he looked down at the small rectangular box in his hand and placed it on the table. “I’m sorry my love wasn’t enough for you,” he murmured and then left the lab, leaving you feeling flabbergasted at what had just happened.

Suddenly there were tears in your eyes, the realization of what had just happened hit you like a tidal wave. Bucky was done with your friendship, and you realized in that moment just how badly you had hurt him by saying yes to Steve’s proposal. You felt like a horrible person, wiping the tears from your eyes, you sat back down and looked at the box he placed on the desk.

It was wrapped in your favorite tiffany blue wrapping paper, with a silver ribbon on it. Ripping the wrapping open, you open the box. Inside it was a photo frame, with a picture of you, Bucky and Sam, it was taken the day Natasha had invited you two to meet Bruce for the first time. You were sitting on the couch in Natasha’s old apartment, Bucky had his arms around your shoulders, pulling you towards him, , trying to bite your face, with a playful expression. You were laughing in the photo, your hands holding onto his forearms happily, Sam was to your left pulling a face at the camera and you remembered that moment clearly.

‘It was the first time Natasha had told you, Bucky and Sam about Bruce. She wanted to cook dinner for everyone and have you over to meet him. You were all thrilled for her, and surprisingly Bucky was the happiest for her. They had finally begun to be friends again; the night was full of laughter and joy. Bruce was shy and sweet, and you had loved him for Natasha from the moment you met him. After dinner you were sitting on the couch between Sam and Bucky, all over you wonderfully tipsy on the delicious sparkling wine Bucky had brought over. And he turned to you, saying loudly that Natasha should take a photo of the three of you to commemorate this moment because he was the happiest he had ever been. Bucky was never a sentimental person, so for him to say that, drunk or not was immense. And Natasha immediately obliged taking out her camera to snap the photo. And right before the photo was taken Bucky threw his arms around you and whispered playfully that you were going to be his future wife, thinking he was joking you laughed.

The memory made you smile, it was one of the best nights you had with the three of them, Bruce included. You turned the frame around and looked at the back, there was a small message written on the back of the photo:

“This was the moment I knew you were the only thing I needed in this world,”

You put the frame back into the box, and closed it. Feeling more tears threatening to fall. This whole situation had gotten so out of hand so quickly, and you had no idea how to deal with it. A lot of people were going to get hurt in the process if you chose to be with Bucky and you didn’t want that. You knew how it felt to be left for someone else, and you couldn’t do that to Steve, he deserved so much more. He deserved more than you.

Your phone suddenly rang, snapping you out of your thoughts, It was Steve,

“Hey baby,” his said, his voice seemed anxious,

“Hey Steve, whats up?” you replied, answering.

“Can we talk?” he asked,

Your heart jumped in your chest at those words, those three dreaded words. They never meant anything good.

“Sure, now?” You say, trying to sound as natural as possible as you had a mini panic attack,

“Yeah, can I meet you at your office?” Steve asked,

You said yes and then hung up, feeling like you were having a panic attack. He sounded angry for some reason, or was that just your imagination.

Twenty minutes later Steve arrived at your lab, and the two of you sat down at one of the tables. You were nervously twisting the engagement ring on your finger as you waited for him to start talking.

“So, we need to talk about this,” Steve said, placing the gossip magazine that Natasha had showed you on the table, the picture of you and Bucky staring up at you.

“What about it?” you replied trying to be nonchalant,

“Y/N, you do realize how this looks right? You’re holding hands with another man, he is also staring a little to affectionately at you in this photo.” Steve pointed out,

“Steve, it was an innocent photo, Bucky is my friend, nothing more. This picture is misinterpreted,” You replied with a sigh, the last thing you needed to do was explain your relationship with Bucky to Steve.

“Y/N you said you would tell me if something was going on with him, so I am asking you to be honest with me, I need to know” He said solemnly,

Guilt flashed through you as you thought to three nights ago when you and Bucky had slept together.

“And, again I am telling you. Bucky Barnes is just my friend, nothing more Steve.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest,

“He is in love with you,” Steve suddenly said, annoyance flashing through his voice,

You were taken aback by his sudden confession. “What?” you stuttered,

“It’s obvious, look at these photos,” he said, flipping through the magazine to the pictures of you and Bucky, “His eyes don’t leave you, anyone with half a brain can see he is head over heels in love with you,”

“Steve.” You said firmly, “If there is any kind of love that Bucky and I share, its one as friends, that’s it.”

Steve looked you over for a moment then sighed, “I’m sorry, I just, I think I am a little jealous of these photos.” He mumbled rubbing his face tiredly,

“There’s really nothing to be jealous of,” You said, taking his handsome face between your hands, “They’re just pictures of two friends, that’s it.”

This seemed to satisfy Steve and he leaned in with a gorgeous smile and gave you a kiss. As he did so, you felt worse than before because you had the opportunity to come clean and tell him what had happened, but you were afraid. Afraid to hurt him or to lose him at this point. Steve had suddenly become your crutch, and Bucky was right, he was your fantasy world where you craved happiness and attention.

A couple of weeks later, you sat in Steve’s kitchen, watching as his chef made breakfast for the two of you. Your mother was coming to join the two of you, it was the first time they were going to meet, and you were incredibly stressed out by the whole situation. There was an anxious feeling in your stomach, and you felt nauseas.

Steve walked into the kitchen, he was dressed in a simple white tshirt and dark jeans, yet still managed to look heavenly. “Good morning beautiful,” He said, stopping to give you a kiss before he moved to the coffee pot, “Good morning, Louis,” he greeted the chef, who returned his greeting with a smile and a nod of his head and then continued his work.

“Morning,” you mumbled, feeling more stressed when you saw him. What if your mother hated him, she was definitely going to grill him with questions, you knew it.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, taking a seat beside you,

“Just nervous is all,” you replied, giving him a quick smile,

“Come on, I am sure she’s not that bad, she’s going to love me,” He said, smiling reassuringly at you. This didn’t make you feel any better, over the last few weeks you had been anxious about everything, from your relationship with Steve, to work, to this situation with Bucky.

Just then the doorbell rang, both of you look at eachother, already knowing who it was. “Well let’s get this over with,” You said, sliding off your chair, and following Steve to the door.

“Y/N!” Your mother exclaimed, throwing her arms around you, hugging you tightly,

“Hello Mother,” you reply, returning her hug,

She took a step back and examined you, then her gaze turned to Steve who stood behind you, he had a dazzling smile on his face.

“Mother, this is Steve, my fiancé,” You said, introducing Steve,

“Hello Mrs Y/L/N,” he said extending his hand for her to shake,

Your mother looked him once over then shook his hand, “Hello Steve, nice to finally meet you,”

“Please, come inside” He said, ushering her in,

Your mother walked into Steve’s home, already looking around you could feel her judgement. Steve threw you a reassuring look, “We got this,” he whispered to you giving you a kiss on your forehead, before stepping forward to lead your mother to the dining room where you would be eating breakfast.

The breakfast spread that was set out before you was wonderful, Louis had gone all out. There were crepes and waffles and omlettes. All your mother’s favorites.

“This all looks wonderful,” she said, giving you a smile, “Thank you,”

The conversation at the table began to flow, with your mother asking Steve about his life, his career, how the two of you met. It was all going great, she seemed to really like him.

“So, mother, how long will you be staying?” You asked her, as the three of you started eating,

“Well, I have some good news, I am moving to the city,” She said, placing her cutlery down,

You heart dropped, the last thing you needed was your mother living in the city. You loved her but she was so controlling,

“Oh” was your only response, but Steve thankfully came to your rescue,

“That’s great news Mrs Y/L/N,” he said, smiling at her,

“You can call me Diana” she said to Steve, which surprised you, she was really taken with him.

“But you love Baltimore,” You say,

“Yes, but you are my only daughter and I want to be closer to you, besides you are going to need help planning your wedding,” She said,

Your heart stopped, your fathers husband had already offered to help plan your wedding when he heard you were engaged, and you had agreed. Because he was amazing at his job.

“Oh well, Steve’s got all that handled,” you lied, “He’s whole team is helping with it,” you threw him a look, and he quickly lied for you,

“Uh yeah, that’s the plan, we still haven’t discussed the wedding yet though,” He lied,

“Regardless, I’m your mother so I will help,” Diana said, with finality.

You couldn’t argue with her, and were internally groaning because you knew this situation was going to go from bad to worse. It was a problem, with Steve’s team wanting the wedding to be a specific way to go with his image, and his mother whom you had met a few weeks back, wanting to add her input and his sisters wanting to be bridesmaids. And now to add to it your mother and father we probably going to go to war over this. You could feel your anxiety kicking already. 

After breakfast your mother left to go to your apartment, where she had said she was going to stay for the duration of her trip. Leaving you alone with Steve,

“This is going to be a disaster,” You said, walking into the bedroom, Steve following you.

“Why?” he chuckled,

“I feel like everyone is having a say In MY wedding, and I’m just going to have to go with it,” You sighed, walking over to the mirror, you had to try on a dress for a work event that evening. Steve had his stylist bring over a few options for you to try on, 

Steve stood behind you, and handed you one of the options. “Well it’s our wedding and if you’re not happy with something, then I’m in your corner, don’t stress about it baby,” he said, kissing you on the cheek,

Suddenly you felt like you were about to throw up, your hand flew up to cover your mouth and you bolted for the bathroom. Just barely making it to the toilet before you threw up, it was disgusting, and you felt terrible. Your stomach was knotted. Its just anxiety you thought as you threw up again.

“Babe, are you okay?” Steve asked, concerned as he entered the bathroom to find you sitting on the floor, basically hugging the toilet.

“I’m fine,” You replied, getting up and moving to the sink to rinse your mouth, “Just nerves I think,”

Steve wrapped his arms around your waist, and pulled you close as you brushed your teeth. “Y/N, you need to take a deep breath, you’re stressing too much.” He said softly,

You sighed deeply, then turned around and embraced Steve, you knew why you had so much anxiety of late and the only way you would get rid of it was facing the truth, which you weren’t ready for yet.

“I have an errand to run,” You said to him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’ll be back later and then you can help me choose a dress?”

Steve smiled and nodded, “Of course, I have a few meetings today, so lets do lunch?”

You agreed, and then grabbed your purse and headed out of his apartment, your heart thundering as you made your way to your desired location.

An hour later, you sat in Sam’s apartment, clutching the brown paper bag. Sam sat opposite you, looking at you as you were struggling not to have a panic attack.

“You have to do this,” He said,

“I know, I know, I just don’t know if I am ready to know.” You mumbled, forcing back tears,

“Well, there is no time like the present,” Sam said, “Go, before you psych yourself out.”

You nodded, and shoved your chair back, quickly making your way to the bathroom. The anxiety building up inside of you with each step closer to the bathroom. Once inside you shut the door and pull the long rectangular box out of the paper bag, and opened it. The little white stick possibly holding news that could change your entire future.

You waited, three whole minutes. Your heart thundering as you waited for the stick to do its job You placed it on the counter, pacing back and forth, Sam stood in the doorway. His hands in his pocket, he looked just as nervous as you were.

When the timer dinged to signal three minutes were up, you took a deep breath and picked up the stick.

Your heart stopped as you saw two little blue lines.


	13. A tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little personal, I wrote my own experience being in a armed robbery. 
> 
> Trigger warning of gun violence.. and yeah its all a fuck up. I was having a bit of writers block so i hope i can get another chapter done soon!
> 
> Enjoy!

You and Sam stared at the pregnancy test on the table. Both of you at a loss for words,

Finally, you broke the silence, “It’s Steve’s,” you said, “I think…”

Sam looked at you incredulously, “You think?”

You looked at him, a guilty look on your face.

“You didn’t…” He said disbelievingly, looking at you.

“We did…” you replied, facepalming yourself in regret,

“God fucking dammit, you two are idiots.” Sam exclaimed, shaking his head,

“What the fuck am I going to do, I don’t want a kid right now,” You wailed, your head slumping into your arms, defeated. This was everything you were trying to avoid. This was just a cluster fuck at this point.

Sam was quiet for a moment, “You have to tell Steve…about you and Bucky, Y/N” he said softly, “If this kid isn’t his, he deserves to know.”

You knew his was right, this was something you couldn’t keep from Steve any longer, he deserved to know what was going on. Especially if this baby wasn’t his. But you also knew Natasha was going to murder you, genuinely straight up fuck your shit up when she found out what you had done.

“This is going to be a disaster,” you mumbled, silently praying that the test was wrong, and you weren’t pregnant.

“Yes, and you also need to fix things with Bucky, if this child is his, he also needs to know Y/N,” Sam pointed out, “Time to start owning up to your mistakes,”

Sam was being the voice of reason, that’s why you had come here. He was harsh and straight to the point which is what you needed in this situation. He was also scarily always right when he gave advice.

“Okay, time to go face the music,” You said, getting up and putting the test into the brown paper bag.

“Good luck out there kid,” Sam said, giving you a quick hug, before you left his apartment.

 

The first thing you did was go and see Bucky, you called his apartment, and Artur informed you that he was at work. As you stood outside the massive towering building, you looked up at the skyscraper. The big bold letters of Barnes Industries, glinting in the afternoon sun.

You knew the moment you stepped through those doors, and told Bucky you were pregnant, everything was going to change. You didn’t know if you were ready to say it out loud yet, but you knew you had to get it over and done with.

It felt wrong to tell Bucky before you told your fiancé, but you had to tell him first. So not to blindside him when Steve finds out.

You walked into the airconditioned building, making your way to the reception. The receptionist knew you and waved when she saw you. you returned her greeting with a smile,

“Is Bucky here?” You asked, she nodded and waved you upstairs as she picked up the phone.

Once inside the elevator, you hit the top floor button and waited as it travelled towards it destination. Your heart thundering all the way up. When it dinged on the landing, you took a deep breath and exited the elevator, greeting his assistant as you approached his office door.

“Hey Leah,” You greeted,

“Y/N, hey!” She said getting up from her desk to give you a hug, “How are you, I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“I am good thanks,” You replied, “Is he in?”

She nodded, “Yeah, you can go in,” taking her seat again as the phone rang,

You knocked slightly on his office door, you heard him say come in, and you took one last deep breath, steadying your nerves before you entered. His office was massive and lavishly decorated, in kin to his obvious CEO status at Barnes Industries.

“Y/N,” Bucky said, surprise in his voice when he saw you. he quickly got to his feet,

“Hey,” you said softly standing nervously at the door, your nerves on edge when you saw him. seeing him again after so many weeks apart set your heart racing.

He moved toward you then stopped, like he was remembering why the two of you hadn’t seen each other in such a long time.

“How are you?” He asked, giving you a small smile,

“We have to talk Buck,” You said, not responding to his pleasantries,

“Sure,” he said, motioning to the couch in his office,

You took a seat and waited for him to take a seat opposite you, he adjusted his tie and then took a seat. Both of you silent for a moment,

“What’s going on?” He asks, concern in his voice,

“I’m still mad at you,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

“What for now?” Bucky replied rolling his eyes,

“Wanda?” you say,

“And again, you didn’t let me explain that situation, you just jumped to conclusions!” Bucky said exasperation evident in his voice,

“So what is the explanation Bucky?” You snapped at him, angrily brushing your hair out of your face.

“Wanda and I were never dating, we gave it a try and it didn’t work out. That was it.” He said. It was hardly an explanation, nor did it give you any insight into why he made you hide from her.

“Yeah sure, I believe that,” you replied sarcastically,

Bucky sighed, “Why are you here Y/N?” he asked,

“I’m pregnant,” You said, the moment the words left your mouth, you felt the weight of them. It was like a tidal wave, crushing you.

Bucky stared at you for a moment, a look of shock came over his face, replaced by confusion.

“And I need to know this why? You’re engaged to Steve.” He replied with a sigh,

You were slightly taken aback by his reaction, and frankly a little annoyed by it as well.

“The night we slept together,” You started, “We didn’t use protection,”

“Oh god,” you heard him mutter, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously,

“Yes, there is a very good chance its yours,” You continued,

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bucky repeated, then cursed some more, getting up he paces across the office. You waited for him to calm down, before you continued talking to him.

“I haven’t told Steve yet, but I am going to have to tell him about the night we spent together,” You said,

Bucky stopped pacing and looked at you, “He’s going to break up with you, if you do.” He replied,

“I know,”

“You can’t tell him,” Bucky said, coming over and taking a seat beside you,

“Why not?” you asked looking at him in confusion, you had assumed he would ant you to tell Steve, and for the two of you to break up,

“Because you’re happy and I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy Y/N, you deserve to be with Steve,” Bucky said softly,

“I can’t lie to Steve, Buck” You say, swallowing the lump in your throat, “Its eating me up inside,”

“You have to, Y/N don’t fuck it up with Steve, he is good to you. Better than I will ever be to you. I have accepted that,” he said, gently brushing your hair behind your ear,

“And if this child isn’t his? I have to lie to him?” You replied,

“Get rid of it,” was his reply.

His answer shocked you, and you stared at him. not knowing what to say. Suddenly rage ripped through you, even though you didn’t want a child, that thought hadn’t even crossed your mind once and you slapped him, hard.

“What the fuck was that for,” he exclaimed, looking at you angrily,

“You’re a fucking idiot.” You replied, then stood up and storming out of his office.

You blew passed his assistant who looked up confused as Bucky ran after you, “Y/N wait,” he called. You furiously jammed the elevator button, you were fuming.

“Y/N, just let me explain” Bucky murmured, coming up beside you placing his hand on the small of your back, his assistant glancing at the two of you with a curious look on her face.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” you hissed, stepping away from his touch,

A hurt look came across his face, “Can you just give me a chance to explain please, in my office” he glanced at Leah, who quickly looked back down at her computer.

“No, I heard everything I need to,” You snapped, then stepped into the elevator. Needing to get away from him before the tears started falling.

Bucky grabbed your hand as you stepped into the elevator, but you pulled away from his grasp, and a defeated look flashed across his face before he stepped back, and the elevator doors closed.

 

You wandered around the streets of Manhattan for half the day before you finally headed back to Steve’s apartment. You had a work event that evening that you had to get ready for, and you were already running late.

When you walked into his apartment, his stylist was already there waiting for you. as was a makeup artist, you weren’t really a fan of someone else dressing you, but it made Steve happy when you used his whole team of people, so you just went along with it.

“There you are!” His stylist exclaimed when she saw you, “Lets go get dressed,” she dragged you off before you had a chance to even greet Steve. You needed to talk to him, but for now it would have to wait.

Two hours later you were dressed in a simple cream silk dress, with simple make up and you you’re your hair down , Steve was waiting for you in the hallway dressed in a black tuxedo. He was your date to the event, the party was the Lasker science awards, and Tony was hosting it.

“I still can’t get over how beautiful you are,” Steve said, pulling you into his arms and giving you a kiss when he saw you,

You smiled at him, but guilt tripped through you once more. He was always so kind, and loving, however were you going to tell him about Bucky.

“Steve,” you said softly, “Before we go, I have something to tell you,” as the two of you headed downstairs to the town car waiting to take you to the Rockefeller center where the event was being held.

“Sure,” he said, “Is everything okay?”,

You got into the backseat beside him, and looked at him. Your heart was racing as you built up the courage to tell him that you were pregnant.

“You look great in this tux,” you murmured, adjusting the bowtie he wore, giving him a quick smile.

“Thanks, but I know that isn’t what you had to tell me,” he replied, taking your hand in his.

“Please don’t freak out okay.” You mumbled, barely being able to breath, “But I am pregnant.”

Steve was quiet for a good minute before he said anything. “Uh wow…” he said, when you looked at his face you weren’t sure what to say. he didn’t look to thrilled by the news. He let go of your hand and had a frown on his face.

“Yeah…” You replied, for some reason you were expecting a better reaction than this from him.

There was an awkward silence between the two of you. Steve stared out of the window as you traveled to your destination. Your mind was numb, you didn’t expect him to react this coldly towards the news, he said he wanted kids.

When the driver pulled up to the venue you turned to him, “Are you not going to say anything?” You murmured touching his hand,

But Steve was silent, he glanced at you for a moment, then down at your hand touching his.

“You know what, I think it’s best if I go to this by myself tonight,” You say,

Expecting him to put up a fight, but he doesn’t. “Yeah, I think so too, enjoy.” Was his curt reply,

You were too stunned to even reply to him. you got out of the car and made your way into the center. Feeling entirely numb by this whole situation. Steve was cold, almost aloof to you. This was a whole new side of him you were seeing.

The evening went by in a blur. It was the type of event you loved going to, getting a chance to meet extraordinary people in your line of work. But tonight, you were just numb. You couldn’t focus on having a good time, as all that was on your mind was Steve and his col reaction to you telling him you were pregnant.

Natasha and Bruce were at the party, enjoying a night away from being parents. Nat kept asking you if you were okay, and you kept insisting you were fine. She was highly suspicious when she saw you not touch a single drop of alcohol that night.

“Nat for the ninetieth time, I am fine!” you sighed, as the three of you walked out of the center by the end of the evening,

“Really because you don’t seem fine Y/N.” Nat persisted.

“I am just tired and would like to get home.” You said, stifling a yawn. Your body was tired, and this day and night had been exhausting.

“Alright well, call me tomorrow?” She said, giving you a hug. Bruce hailed a cab for you and you bid them goodnight before getting in.

A couple of blocks before your apartment, you had asked the cab driver to stop and let you out. You wanted to walk for a bit, to clear your head. And your hormones were getting the better of you, you were craving chocolate ice cream. There was a 24 hour convenience store nearby, so you decided to take a quick walk to it, in search of your treats.

The bell on the door chimed as you walked in, a young man behind the counter gave you a quick smile, before you headed off to the freezer section. You stood for a good few minutes trying to decide between two almost identical chocolate ice creams. Suddenly there was a bang, and a shout, and what sounded like a scuffle. You quickly move to the front of the store it investigate and you stop dead in your tracks.

At the cash register, stood a man with a gun. Pointed directly at the cashier. In a low voice he was demanding the money in the register. The young man behind the counter look terrified as he held his hands up in surrender. His gaze flitting to you for a second, and as it did the gunman turned his gaze upon you as well.

You dropped the items in your hand, they clatter to the floor, loudly. Your heart stopped. Fear had you paralyzed as you watched him turn his gun on you. He shouted something at you, but the only thing you could hear was the blood pounding in your ears. Your heart thumping wildly in your chest. Your body frozen from terror. No words could come out and it was as if your life flashed before your eyes, as you watched him place his finger on the trigger and squeeze.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The loud bang of the gun going off startles you. You felt the wind get knocked out of you, as you toppled backwards, into the glass door of the fridge. You didn’t feel any pain, not yet anyway. Dazed, confused, and scared you try to sit up. the gun goes off again, and you look down at your body, your cream dress now crimson soaked.

You didn’t know where you were hit. The adrenaline coursing through your body was staving off the pain for now. Your vision blurred, as you saw the gunman turn and bolt out of the store. The cashier was on the phone immediately, yelling something into the receiver.

Again, you couldn’t seem to focus. Your breathing was suddenly ragged, and you struggled to take a breath, feeling like you were underwater. The young man, was suddenly beside you, applying pressure to somewhere on your body, his eyes wide with fear.

“Ma’am, you have to stay awake.” He yelled at you, “Emergency services are on their way.”

But you couldn’t stay awake. No matter how hard you fought it, you felt yourself growing weaker by the second. And within a matter of minutes, your eyes flutter closed, darkness engulfing you.

______________________________

Your eyelids feel like lead as you try to open them. There’s a metallic taste in your mouth and pain, just pain everywhere. Mainly in your chest, as you tried to breathe, you reached up and felt a respiratory mask over your mouth and nose. Pulling it off thinking it was hindering your breathing, you tried to take a deep breath but a sharp pain lances through your lungs. Leaving you panting in pain.

“Hey hey, Stop.” A voice beside you, holds your arms down. You force your eyes open and see a nurse. She’s wearing pink scrubs and has a clipboard in her hand.

You try to talk but your throat is as dry as sandpaper, and you end up coughing. The nurse quickly moves to the side of the table and brings you a glass of water. Which you accept gratefully, by drowning the drink down in a matter of seconds.

“Welcome back,” she says giving you a smile. Your mind is racing as you look around you and the realization of what happened to you, hits you.

“Where am I?” Your voice hoarse, 

“Lennox hill hospital, do you remember what happened?” The nurse asked you,

You nodded, and then looked down at your chest. It was wrapped in gauze and bandages. You could feel the stitches beneath it all. The bullet had landed in your chest, so breathing as difficult for you.

“How long have I been here?” you asked, your throat dry and sore.

“It’s been a few days, but you’re okay. So that’s all that matters.” The nurse replied.

“I am going to get the doctor and your fiancé, they are just outside okay?” She said, reassuringly. Then exited the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts for a moment.

You closed your eyes for a moment, a relief washed over you. You were alive and in that moment, that was all that mattered. It could have been so much worse for you. then a sudden awareness hits you, and your hand instinctively touches your stomach. Was your baby okay?

A few minutes later, Steve came rushing into the room.

“Y/N!” He exclaimed, practically bolting to the side of the bed. He grasps your hand and places kisses across your face. “Can I hug her?” Steve suddenly asks, looking at the doctor,

“Gently yes, be careful of her stitches,” The doctor replied with a smile,

Steve doesn’t wait, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his chest. Slightly jostling your body. You winced as pain lanced through your chest as your stitches shifted with the slight movement.

“God, I thought I’d lost you.” He said, voice choked full of emotion. He lets you down gently once more and takes a seat beside you as the doctor comes up to check your vitals.

“Y/N, as I am sure you are aware. You suffered a GSW to the chest a few nights ago, we were able to remove the bullet, and repair the damage that was done. You did however go into cardiac arrest due to the trauma that your body went through, and we had to resuscitate you.” The doctor paused as he let the information sink in.

You were staring blankly at him, he was saying words, but you were barely understanding any of it. Your heart was thumping loudly in your chest, making it ache slightly. All you wanted to know was if you were still pregnant.

“We did so, but unfortunately we cannot tell if your pregnancy is still viable or will survive to full term after doing so.” He continued,

As soon as the words left his mouth, you didn’t hear anything else. You felt like you couldn’t breathe again, you just stared blankly at the doctor. Until Steve touched your face, “Baby, are you okay?” he murmured beside you,

“I..I just need a minute.” You replied, squeezing your eyes shut to keep the tears back. It wasn’t that it was a planned pregnancy, but it didn’t hurt any less. You had a fleeting moment of knowing you were with child before in a blink of an eye, it is taken away from you.

The doctor and Steve left the room to talk outside, leaving you alone for a moment. You suddenly couldn’t contain yourself, you began to sob, softly to yourself. The pain in your chest unbearable. Everything hurt and somehow you felt like this was karma for what you had done, in a bitter way you deserved this. After everything you had done, you were willing to hurt Steve for this child, to tell him about what had happened between you and Bucky for this child, you knew how many people would get hurt if you admitted what you had done yet you were going to do it. And in some strange way, this was karma for that, for your selfishness and now the thing that you were willing to hurt so many people for was taken away. This made you sob harder.


	14. Recovery?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys! After a small hiatus I'm back with a new chapter! and this one has got a plot twist that I KNOW ya'll aint ready for!!!!!!
> 
> Enjoy it, give me some feedback! i love hearing from you guys!

Three weeks later, you were finally discharged from the hospital. During the course of the week, Natasha, Bruce, Sam and Bucky had come to see you and Steve was being a little overbearing. But you were patient through it all, knowing he was only doing it because he loved you. Your mother was constantly there, making sure you were okay, and being just as overbearing as Steve was.

You walked into your apartment, Steve beside you holding your hand as you did. It felt good to be home, after spending the week in a hospital bed. You were still in pain and weak from your wound.

Tony had given you as much time as you needed off from work, but you were already itching to get back to work. Wanting to throw yourself into work to distract you from the thoughts in your head and the loss you had suffered.

“Do you want some tea?” Steve asked you, as he helped you in bed.

“No, I am fine. Thank you.” You replied, giving him a smile. He had been super attentive the last few days, he never left your side.  
You knew it was because he felt guilty for what had happened, he was supposed to be with you that night. He was avidly avoiding the topic of the pregnancy, and you were glad for it. You didn’t want to talk about it anymore than he did. You still didn’t know why his reaction was so bad, but you didn’t care anymore.

Steve laid beside you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him, placing a kiss on your cheek. Neither of you saying anything for a while, you lay wrapped in his arms, and it felt good, comforting.

“Steve…” You say quietly,

“Yes?”  
“Why?” was all you say. You feel him sighed beside you. He knew what you meant, and it was something you had both been avoiding talking about. You felt the change in your relationship, it was a weight dragging it down now. You had to speak about it.

“I am not ready baby, neither of us are.” He says gently,

You know he is right, the whole situation was going to get complicated with a child in the mix. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. You feel the tears pricking at your eyes, and you sniffled. Steve pulled you closer and kissed your neck,

“Please don’t cry babe, all that matter is that you are here and alive. We have the rest of our lives together to make a family.” He murmured against the back of your neck.

Again, he was right. You loved Steve and didn’t want to lose him, as much as you should have told him about Bucky. This felt good, comfortable, happy to you. He was in all seriousness a good man to you. something you couldn’t fault.

“My reaction wasn’t great, and I will spend the rest of my life kicking myself for that night,” Steve said, “I wish I could go back to the moment I let you get out of that car by yourself. I am sorry.”

You didn’t say anything, you should be the one apologizing to Steve for so much more. But once again you hid what you had done from him. The guilt flowing through you as you played with the shiny diamond engagement ring on your finger.  
“I love you,” you sighed, snuggling closer to him.

“I love you more.” He replied, you felt him smile as he kissed your neck again.

And that’s how you spent the rest of the day, wrapped in his arms. Enjoying the comfort his loving touch brought you, even though you were the furthest from deserving the love he was doting upon you.

Almost a week later you are still on house rest from the doctor. You are going stir crazy, although all your work had been sent over you were still running after projects as you were waiting on lab results and test files. It was hard not being in the lab and physically doing the work. Instead having to skype the lab assistants and wait for their feedback.

Natasha came to visit you as often as she could but with her working full time and having twins she rarely had a moment to herself, let alone time to come and visit you. Sam came regularly with his sister, Sarah and brother Gideon who were always fun to have around. They brought board games and interesting books for you to read. You enjoyed your time with the Wilsons.  
Your mother spent every moment she wasn’t working with you, and she was driving you mad. Constantly following you around making sure you were okay, and she hardly let you out of her sight. You had eventually taken to locking yourself in the bathroom to try and escape her.

Bucky however did not come and visit you, he sent you flowers once a week which Artur delivered with a note clearly written by his assistant Leah and sometimes a box of chocolates. 

This week was no different, arriving the same time he always did.

“Hello Artur.” You greeted him, with a warm smile.  
You had always loved Artur, he was in a funny way the man who raised Bucky. He had taken care of everything for him, he was much more than just his chauffeur.

“Hello Miss Y/L/N.” he replied, walking into your apartment, carrying the flowers. Two dozen white roses as always.

“Art how many times must say call me Y/N,” You sighed, jokingly.

“Ah I always forget.” Artur said, with a quick laugh. He was an elderly man, in his fifties. Salt and pepper hair, and a large muscular frame. You always felt he was more of Bucky’s bodyguard than anything else.

“So, what’s the gift this week?” You asked, taking the card out of the bouquet,

Artur handed you the rectangular box in his hands, much like the one he sent last week with chocolates in it.

“Ah chocolate covered strawberries.” You sighed, “How thoughtful.”

Artur just offered you an apologetic smile, as you opened the box and offered him one. To which he politely declined.

“Does he ever ask about me?” You ask, taking a seat on the kitchen counter, Artur carried the flowers behind you as he always did and made his way through your kitchen. Replacing the old bunch with the new ones he had brought over. With comfortable ease as he had done it so many times for you.

“He does, everyday.” Artur replied, setting the vase of roses on the island counter.

“So why doesn’t the come and see?” You say, eating another strawberry. They were positively delicious.  
Artur paused and looked at you for a moment, “You know the answer to that question.” He replied, You sighed.  
Artur never gave anything away when it came to Bucky, he protected him fiercely. “Well I should get going,” he said, making his way to the front door once more, “I will see you next week.”  
You said goodbye to him and then decided to go through some of the boxes that were sitting in your living room. there were gifts from your birthday that were still unopened and get well soon gifts from colleagues and friends.

Sitting on the floor, you sort through all the gifts. Sorting them into different piles. When finally, your eyes came to rest on the large rectangular blue box, Bucky had given you for your birthday. You had completely forgotten to open it.

Grabbing the box, you balanced it on your lap and ripped the wrapping paper away. revealing a white box beneath it. Slowly lifting the lid, you open the box and look inside.  
Inside the box was a trio of gifts. The first being two separate photos, one from Bucky’s birthday when you had all gone to Vegas and the other a photo of the two of you at Natasha’s wedding. Both photos were taken at the precise moment he was looking at you, a happy smile on his face.

You flipped the pictures over and he had written a note on both. The first picture from his birthday, he had written in the caption

‘We lost about 12 thousand dollars this night, but you still looked a million buck’s’

This made you laugh, that night was a wild one. It was soon after Bruce and Nat started dating and Bucky had decided that he wanted to spend his birthday in Vegas. All of you had gotten gloriously drunk that night, Luke included and lost thousands of dollars at the casino. It was still an amazing night.

And the second photo, he simply captioned.

‘Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.’

Your heart jumped as you read the note. It was simple but meant everything. It was of your favorite lines from a poem Ludwig Beethoven had written to his beloved, and you had drunkenly told Bucky this when you two were hanging out one night after you and Luke had broken up and said if you were loved anyone again and got married it would be the one and only vow you would say on your wedding day.

The second gift was, sheet music from Johann Sebastian Bach. The cello suite No. 1. Your favorite composition. Bucky loved hearing you play this, he would always ask you to play the cello when you two were alone. It was a secret talent of yours. There was a note attached to the to it read:

‘Every time I hear you play, it makes me feel alive.’

You stared down at the note, and you felt your throat constrict. He had put so much thought into the gifts in this box. It was a walk down memory lane for the two of you.

The last gift was a simple silver heart pendant with your initials engraved on it, it was cheesy, but it meant something to you. as it was one of the first gifts Bucky had ever given to you, and you thought you had lost it years ago. You had no idea how he found it.

You felt yourself becoming emotional over the gifts he had given you. he had put so much thought and effort into them. You grabbed your phone off the couch and dialed his number, but just as you were about to call him, you look at the engagement ring on your finger and it stops you. As much as you missed Bucky, the only way you could ever be truly happy with Steve was if you let him go and both of you stayed away from each other. After what happened the night Steve proposed, you knew it wasn’t wise, letting him back into your life.

You picked up the photo frame on the coffee table and looked at it. It was a picture of you and Steve from your trip to Barcelona, it was such a happy photo, a reminder of all the good in your relationship and the unconditional love he gave you. Once again, the guilt in your heart made an appearance, and you sighed placing the frame back on the table.

A good two hours later you had finally sorted through all your gifts. Feeling exhausted and bored once again now that your task was completed. Thankfully, a few minutes later, after you had been aimlessly flipping through the Netflix selection, Steve walked in.

“Hey handsome.” You greeted him with a smile. He came over and gave you a quick kiss as he set down the bag of take out he carried with him.

“What is going on here?” Steve asked, looking around at the mess you had created in the living room with all the wrapping paper and gifts.

“I was bored, and I had a shit ton of gifts to open.” You replied and immediately went for the take out he had just set down.

Steve moved over to the pile of gifts and papers strewn about and looked at them. “Well at least you finally got through all of it.” He said, picking up one of the pictures Bucky had given you. 

Your heart stopped, silently praying he wouldn’t turn it over and read the caption behind it. As that was a whole situation you did not want to have to explain.

Luckily, he places it back down and then comes over to take a seat beside you on the floor.  
“How’s the planning going?” Steve asks you, accepting the forkful of food you offered him.  
You shrugged. You had been planning your wedding with your father’s husband but it wasn’t really going anywhere. You were trying to get in the mood, but you hated everything you saw.  
There was pressure from your mom and Steve’s mom and his whole management team for you guys to tie the knot in the summer which was only a few months away. They thought it would be great if you got married just after your one-year anniversary, and you were slowly beginning to feel like they were railroading your wedding.

“Badly.” You sighed, taking a sip of the bottled water Steve had brought as well. “My mother is driving me insane, she’s fighting every idea Roman has. Your manager keeps asking me for dates. My dad keeps throwing money at the problem.”

You shook your head at the thought of everyone’s input in your wedding. Steve put an arm around your shoulders, “Well I’m here to help with whatever you need, do you want me to speak to Emily?” he asked, his manager.

“No, they are right we need to set a proper date.” You replied tiredly rubbing your face. “I think we should just go with the summer date.”

This seemed to surprise Steve, “Are you sure?” He said excitedly, “That’s in three months.”  
You nodded and gave him a smile. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

A huge grin broke out on Steve’s face, “I can’t wait to marry you, as cheesy as that sounds.” He laughed,

“I can’t wait to be your wife. The sooner the better.” You replied, pulling him toward you and kissing him. Steve wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer, leaning into the kiss further. He is kissing you passionately, and suddenly the food he brought is forgotten as the two of you fall back on to the carpet and he makes love to you on it, the first time since your accident, and everything suddenly seems to come into focus for you again.  
________________________________

The months fly by, and before you know it. It's exactly 30 days before your wedding, and you’re sending out save the date cards. Natasha, and your bridesmaids, Sam’s sister Sarah and Maria were sitting in your apartment, pouring over the guestlist while the four of you drank champagne and worked on wedding planning.

Steve had been travelling for work for the past month and was due to arrive back today, much to your excitement. There was a lot that still had to be done, one of the biggest things being that you still hadn’t found a wedding dress that you liked. Natasha had arranged for her friends at a bridal store to come over that afternoon with an array of dresses for you to try on. 

The girls from the bridal store arrive with racks of dresses for you. There is so much white, satin and silk it makes your head spin. After almost two hours of trying on dresses you finally find one that you are absolutely head over heels in love with.  
It's a simple vintage Vera Wang, silk gown. With a thin straps, a sheer lace bodice and a long cream silk train which hugged your figure. It was simple, elegant and everything you could dream of. 

“I think we found a winner!” Natasha exclaims when you step into the room in the dress. You look at yourself in the mirror and both of you agree. This was the one, after months of looking at dresses you had finally found the perfect one.

Later that evening, you are sitting alone in Steve’s apartment. You had come over to surprise him with dinner when he arrived home from his trip. He had been away for a month, and planning the wedding without him was torture. His mother, and your mother were not seeing eye to eye on anything, and it was causing endless drama. All you wanted was for him to come home, and tell you everything was going to be alright. 

You hear the front door open, and immediately jump up excitedly. You had been looking forward to Steve being home all day. At first you weren't sure if you heard another voice with him or not, but as you made your way towards the front door, there was a distinct female voice with him.  
Your heart started beating rapidly as your approached the door, and when you turned the corner. You stopped dead in your tracks, your heart feeling as if it were beating out of your body. 

And that's when you saw it, Steve and the redhead woman wrapped in a passionate embrace. You felt like you were struck in the chest with a cinder block as you stood in the foyer. Looking at the two of them. 

“Natasha…” You whispered, and the two of them froze when their gazes found you.

Panic and shock coming across both their faces when they see you standing in the foyer. Having evidently witnessed their ultimate betrayal.


	15. An old friend comes to visit...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Ya girl coming in clutch with a new chapter because you guys are loving the drama! hahaha I love everyone's enthusiasm for this fic! It genuinely makes my day that ya'll take time out to read my work!!
> 
> I can't promise I will publish a new chapter before Friday but I am already working on the next chapter! and I am hoping to post it by then!
> 
> As always, leave comments I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU GUYSSSS!

No. No. No. That was all that went through your head as you backed away from the two of them. Horrified at the sight before you. 

“Y/N, oh god.” Natasha exclaimed, 

“It’s not what it looks like.” Steve immediately said, both of them rushing towards you. 

You had no words, you felt frozen in place. “What…” was all you managed to choke out. Steve was suddenly in front of you, placing his hands on your shoulders, trying to draw you toward him but you shoved him away. 

“Y/N listen to me, it's not what you think.” He repeated trying to explain himself, his voice strained and anxious. 

“No...No...No...I’m losing my mind.” You repeat, Natasha tries to grab your arm but you jerk it away. “Don’t touch me.” You screamed and then pushed passed them. You had to get out of there, the room felt like it was stifling you, 

“Wait give me a chance to explain!” Nat called after you but you didn't care. You heard them both calling after you as you grabbed your purse and ran out the front door.   
You weren't sure how far you’d ran or where you were going but you were suddenly out of breath, and leaning against a wall somewhere in the streets of Manhattan. Your mind was racing, your emotions felt numb.

You don't know what you had just seen, your mind couldn't wrap itself around the sight of Natasha and Steve kissing, or embracing or whatever that was. It was all too much. Your phone buzzes in your hand and you look at it, its Steve. You immediately reject the call and shove it into your purse. There are numerous calls and texts from both Steve and Natasha.  
You had to get home, and get away, you brain isn't functioning properly at this point. Like a robot, you hail a cab, give him your address and get in.

When you got home, you barely made it inside before your knees buckle and you slump against the wall in the hallway. You were having an anxiety attack, your chest tightening, your breaths coming out in rapid gasps and your head was spinning. You tried to calm your nerves when you grabbed your phone and quickly dialled the first number that came to mind. 

“Tony.” You said into the receiver, 

“Y/N?” He replied surprised. “Everything okay?” 

“Yes everything is fine, I’m calling about the project in Switzerland at CERN.” You say. Tony had offered you a new position in Switzerland a few weeks back, he was heading up a project there and wanted you to join him. The project was a year long, and you weren't sure you wanted to take it considering you were getting married and your life was here. But now everything had changed. 

“Ahh, have you had a change of heart?” Tony replied, he sounded happy by this. 

“Yes I have, I’ll take it. When’s the earliest I can leave?” You asked, 

Tony paused for a moment, “Is everything okay Y/N?” He asked, concern in his voice. Tony had been your boss for a good few years, in a way you had built a friendship with him. 

“Yeah, I just ...I need this please?” You replied, forcing down the lump in your throat. 

“Well I fly out tomorrow, there’s space on the Stark jet if you can pack by 9AM tomorrow?” Tony said, 

“Done. I’ll see you on the tarmac in the morning.” You replied, relief washing over you that you were given an escape from this disaster. 

“I’ll send a car for you in the morning, Goodnight Y/N.” he said then hung up. 

You immediately set about packing up your stuff. You threw as many items of clothing as you could into as many bags as you could, shoes, clothes, any type of belonging you thought you would need. Tony would organise your living space, so that wasn't an issue for you. It was more so packing up all your belonging that you would need to take with you. 

As you rush about your apartment you hear your phone ringing non stop and you pointedly ignore it. You know its Steve and Natasha and you don't want to face either of them. Somehow throughout this ordeal you are calm, almost too calm and it scares you. 

You dropped another two bags at the front door and then head to the lounge and look around, you see the photos Bucky had given you for your birthday and you grabbed them, along with other photos of you, Sam and Bucky.   
You picked up a photo of you and Steve and suddenly rage came over you and you flung it across the room, it shattered as it hit the wall.   
All around you, are photos of you and Natasha and Steve and suddenly this lounge is suffocating you.   
Taking the photos you cared for you went back to the bed room and tossed them into the open bag on the bed, your closet practically empty at this point. You were ready to leave, nothing was going to stop you. 

There was a sudden banging on your apartment door. You looked at the clock, it read 1:44AM. It had to be either Steve or Natasha, and you chose to ignore it. 

Eventually whoever it was went away when you didn't answer the door. And you went about packing up your belongings once more. The adrenaline coursing through you keeps your emotions numbed as you moved about your apartment and it had taken almost all night to pack everything up and when you were finally done, it was 6AM.

True as dawn, Tony had sent a car for you just as you were finished showering. The driver showed up at your door, ready to take all your belongings downstairs.   
You had turned your phone off for the night, not wanting to hear from anyone. As the driver took your almost twelve bags downstairs, you paused at the door and looked around your apartment. Which was now just a reminder or Steve, and Natasha and Bucky. A life you wanted to forget as of last night.   
You look down at the diamond engagement ring that was still on your finger, and then you pulled it off. Placing it on the table beside the couch before you took a deep breath and then exited your apartment,locking the door behind you. 

When you finally turned your phone back on, you were on the tarmac. Awaiting takeoff of the Stark Industries jet. There were several messages from Steve and Natasha, there were apologies and explanations or rather attempts at explanations. 

‘Y/N, please answer your phone. I am so sorry. It wasn't what you thought. It was a mistake a stupid stupid mistake.” - Natasha,

‘Please please pick up your phone!” - Steve

‘Please don’t tell bruce, Y/N, I know how horrible this is. I am a horrible friend. I am so sorry. Please just say something?!?!?!’ - Natasha.

‘It meant nothing, we were drunk.’ - Steve

You deleted the rest of the messages, not bothering to read any of them or listen to their numerous voicemails.   
You typed out a quick reply to Steve, 

“It’s over.” was all you said then hit send. And then a message to Natasha, 

‘You were the last person I ever thought could hurt me so badly...We’re over Nat. I won't tell Bruce but we’re done, for good. Have a nice life.” then you hit send again. 

You had no anger towards them, no rage, just inexplicable sadness. It was a situation you had never seen coming in a million years and you were still in shock about it. You had not processed the last few hours of your life yet. 

A few seconds later there was a reply from both Natasha and Steve,   
‘Please don’t do this Y/N, I love you.’ was Steve’s reply, 

‘Can we meet somewhere to talk?’ Was Natasha’s. 

You looked at the messages blankly and then deleted Steve’s message not caring to reply. You weren't going to go down the rabbit hole of breaking up with someone again and having your heart broken, not after Luke. This time you were going to move on, cut ties, be strong. It wasn't worth your tears, the betrayal had numbed you. 

You type a reply back to Natasha, ‘No, I can’t. I’m leaving for work.’ you hit send and then set your phone down, looking out at the runway.   
You took a moment to feel sad, that was it. You allowed yourself that one little moment of reprieve as a tear slid down your face, that was all you were going to mourn. The loss of two relationships you cherished more than anything, and that was all you were going to cry over it.   
This time you wouldn't lose yourself, because someone else was reckless with your heart. 

You suddenly felt bad for leaving without telling Sam or Bucky or even your mother, so you picked up your phone and sent them each a quick message. Saving Bucky for last. 

‘Thank you for the photo’s Buck, and thank you for always being a part of my life. I love you very much.’ then the pilot announced that you were about to take off and all electronic devices were to be turned off. 

As you switch off your phone you see a message pop up from Bucky, but you didn't have a chance to read it before your device powered down.   
And that was it, the moment the jet took off from the tarmac, you were leaving your old life behind. In a span of less than twelve hours everything had changed for you and you put on a brave face. Ready to take on whatever life threw at you, if you could survive what Steve and natasha did, you could survive anything. 

Two years later...

You strolled through the beautiful streets of Geneva. It had been two years since you had left New York, and you were finally adjusting to life in Geneva. The first three months here were brutal, you felt like a shadow of your former self. You had found yourself crying more and more over the loss of Steve and even Natasha whom you missed terribly.   
The gossip magazines you constantly saw didn't make it any easier to forget Steve, when every cover had a different photo of him with a new girl on his arm. You had learned to avoid the newsstands, and any form of gossip television. The rumors on why the two of you had split were absurd, some of then said you cheated, some said he cheated, others were that you had gotten fat or he got bored of you. But no one really knew. 

As for Natasha she relentlessly tried to fix the friendship between the two of you. She had never told Bruce what had happened, or Bucky or Sam. Sam was hurt that you had left without saying goodbye, but then he forgave you when you bought him and Sarah a tickets to come and visit you in Geneva. 

Bucky was furious with you and had entirely cut contact with you, it was one of the hardest conversations you ever had to have. Explaining to him that you had left without saying goodbye, he had asked what happened between you and Steve but you never answered him.   
He begged you to come home but you couldn't go back. And that was almost two years ago and since then you haven't heard a word from him. 

Your mother and father were very supportive of your move when you had told her after months of pestering you, what had happened. In fact she was grateful that you had left New York. She now lived in your apartment, taking care of things for you. 

The work you were doing at CERN was wonderful, it was everything you could have ever imagined for your career. Tony had helped put you at the head of an entire department for Stark Industries, with an amazing pay raise and a home on a luxury estate in Geneva. It was like living in a house out of a fairy tale, it overlooked Lake Geneva and it was stunning.   
You enjoyed the quiet you had in Geneva, it gave you time to heal your heart and your mind.   
It was everything you needed. 

Now two years later, you had fallen into a quiet routine, of strolling the bustling streets of Geneva on a Saturday morning. You had made a few friends at your new job but you hardly ever mingled with them outside of work, you had become somewhat of a recluse. 

You were preoccupied with buying fresh croissants from a baker when suddenly you looked up and across the plaza you met his eyes. Those familiar blue eyes that had set your world alight so many times before, whose picture was still set beside your bed, which you awoke to every day. James Buchanan Barnes. 

You both stared at each other for a moment before Bucky gave you a smile and slowly made his way towards you. You were frozen in place, your heart raced as you looked him over. Bucky had changed so much in the two years you hadn't seen him. His long hair now cut short, he had a light stubble beard, but his brilliant blue eyes still looked the same, ever so dazzling. 

“Well, hello stranger,” He said in a soft voice as he came to a stop before you, a smile splayed on his handsome face. 

“Bucky…” You breathed, it was all yo could muster to say. You hadn't seen him in more than two years, the last time you saw him was before you had been shot. And suddenly all the emotions of the last two years come crashing down like an avalanche over you. And hot tears start rolling down your cheeks.   
Bucky takes two steps toward you and pulls you into his arms, hugging you tightly. You melted into his arms, and you were suddenly crying harder. 

“Hey hey,” he murmured against your hair, “It’s okay. Sweetheart, it's okay.” 

The sound of his voice washing over you, giving you a sense of home again. A home you had missed so terribly since you had left. 

“I missed you so much.” You managed to choke out between sobs, you wrapped your arms around his torso and held on tightly. 

“I missed you too, beautiful.” Bucky replied softly, he pulled back slightly and cupped your face. Wiping the tears from your cheeks. You two probably looked insane to the passersby but you didn’t care. Then Bucky stepped out of your hug and gave you a kiss on the cheek, he lingered slightly and you heard him sigh then he pulled back. 

You were confused by this but then suddenly when a gorgeous blonde woman appeared at his side it made sense. She gave you a beaming smile, 

“Oh my, you must be Y/N!” She exclaimed, a warm smile on her exquisitely stunning face. 

Bucky gave you a quick look and then introduced the two of you. “Y/N this is my girlfriend Sasha. And well Sasha, you already know Y/N.” 

You quickly wiped the tears away from your eyes and put on your best fake smile and hook her hand. “Well this is a surprise. James buchanan Barnes with an actual girlfriend.” you joke, 

Sasha laughed at the comment and bucky just smiled. He put his arm around her waist and you felt a pang of pain in your chest when you saw this. You knew you had no right to be jealous or upset in any way. You had rejected Bucky years ago, he had every right to move on. You were happy for him, but some small selfish part of you had wished he had waited for you. 

“We were not sure if we were going to bump into you.” Sasha said, “James mentioned you lived in Geneva.” 

You smiled at her, “Well I am glad you did,” your mouth was moving faster than you realized when you suddenly invited them to come over to your place. “What are you doing right now? I’d love to catch up with James, you should come over? I don't live far from here” 

Sasha lit up at your offer, she turned to Bucky and waited for him to respond. Bucky looked a little surprised at your offer, “Yeah, yeah that would be great.” he said clearing his throat. 

You were hoping he would say no but now that he had accepted his offer you were dreading spending the day with him and his perfect blonde looking girlfriend. 

“Great, I guess we can go now?” You say taking a deep breath and nodding. You had to prepare yourself for this. You were internally kicking yourself for being such an idiot. This was the last thing you wanted, you didn't want to walk down memory lane with Bucky and his new girlfriend. That was the life you had run so far away from. 

It was the most awkward trip back to your place, with Sasha talking nonstop about Bucky and their trip around Europe. It was summer and therefore the perfect getaway from New York life, for them at least.   
Bucky was quiet adding a few smiles and nods and yes’ to the conversation. Or rather the one sided conversation, because you hardly got in two words with Sasha.   
The entire time his eyes never left you, and you felt small and exposed beneath his gaze. Neither of you had a chance to talk about the way you left things in the two years that you cut each other out of your lives. He had said some things and you had said some things too, and those words were running through your mind the entire time the three of you were on the way to your place. 

When you finally arrived home, you were grateful to get a moment away from Sasha and her talking. You excused yourself to go and get them drinks, while they looked around. Sasha was gushing over the house, babbling on about how she didn't know being a scientist paid so well. It didn't. Being an employee of Tony Stark is what paid well. This house was his after all. 

A few minutes later, you stepped out onto the patio where Bucky and Sasha were now seated. Holding a tray that contained three iced teas. It was perfect for the blistering weather, you had sneakily put some vodka in your ice tea because you knew the only way you would get through this sitting with the two of them would be with some liquid courage. 

“So how do you like living in Geneva?” Sasha asked you. 

“It’s been great, I love it here.” You replied with a smile. You couldn't dislike her, she was sweet and polite and full of life. Something you missed being, 

“How long have you lived here?” she asked again, 

“Two years.” Both you and Bucky say it in unison. You looked at each other for a moment, there was that damned look he always gave you and you quickly looked away. “Yeah, it's been two years now.” You say

“And you work at CERN? Am i right?” she said,

You nodded, “Well, not really CERN but I’m consulting for them on a project I work for Stark Industries.” 

“That must be amazing, science has always fascinated me.” Sasha mused. 

The conversation continued with Sasha asking you about your life, and your work. Bucky was quiet the whole time, hardly saying two words and Sasha had noticed as well. 

“Everything okay?” you hear her whisper to him, when you had stood up and went to fetch more drinks for them. 

You see him nod, “Yeah I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” his eyes still on you. And this Sasha notices as well. 

When you returned Sasha’s whole demeanour seems to have changed, she seems stiff and cold all of a sudden. She was quieter, less willing to make conversation with you. After a few minutes she excused herself to the bathroom, leaving you and Bucky alone. 

“So...Are we going to talk about all this?” Bucky said, gesturing his hand to your surroundings.

“Why do we need to talk about it?” You replied, confused. 

“I thought you were going to come home Y/N, you said this was only for a year. It’s been two years!” Bucky said exasperated. 

“This is my home now Buck, besides the project took longer than expected.” You say, sitting back in your seat. 

“Bullshit, I know that project ended a year ago. You chose to stay here, after everything I said to you, it still wasnt enough for you to come home.” He said quietly.

“Bucky…” You say, suddenly you’re sad again as you are reminded of the conversation you and Bucky had two years ago. 

**Flashback**

“You can’t just leave without saying goodbye Y/N! That's fucking selfish!”’ Bucky yelled through the receiver, 

“Then let me be selfish! Because I have already left!” You yelled back,

“How can you do this? After everything we have been through together, you won’t tell me why you are running away! What happened Y/N!? What could be so bad that you couldn't even come to me?” He said, still half yelling at you. 

“I don't want to talk about it Bucky! Just leave it alone! It's done okay, i have left, Its for work, it’ll be good for me, besides you haven't seen me in months why do you care if i leave without saying goodbye?!” You sneered.

“Why? WHY?! Because I fucking love you! I have always loved you! You are the love of my fucking life. That’s why! I told you I would wait for you, I would do anything for you Y/N. What do I have to do to prove this to you?!” He shouted,

“Let me go Bucky…” You replied quietly, 

There was a pause over the phone, 

“Is that really what you want? You think I can just let you go, like turning off a switch in my brain? Believe me I have tried.” he said sounding miserable, “But fine, Y/N this is me letting you go. Have a nice life.”

“I’m so sorry Bucky.” You whispered, 

“Yeah so am I.” and then he hung up. 

**Flashback end** 

Bucky shook his head and sighed, “I know why you left Y/N” He said looking at you, 

Your heart jumped, had Natasha told him? Sam? Because those were the only two possibilities. “How do you know?” you said, almost inaudibly. 

“Sam told me,” He replied, “I really don't know what to say about all of it, except that I am sorry you went through that alone, I wished you had come to me.” 

“Well I didn't want all of you hating Natasha,” You said, with a sigh, you certainly don't hate Natasha, you didn't know why she did what she did and at this point you didn't want to know. “It was just better this way.” 

“Not for those of us who didn't want you to leave Y/N.” Bucky replied, 

“You didn't want me around you remember Buck? You pulled away.” It was selfish of you to throw that in his face but you were hurting. 

“I will always want you,” He said softly, and before you could reply Sasha walked back out onto the patio. Leaving you stunned by Bucky’s statement. 

“We should go.” He said, standing up. There was no objection from either you or Sasha at this. You led them out and said goodbye to them, feeling numb once more. Seeing Bucky again had brought back old feelings and emotions that you had locked away for two years. And now they were all there, forcing their way back into your life.

By that evening you were pacing around your home. You were on your second bottle of wine for the night, as your mind kept going over the last two years. Everything that had happened from the moment you saw Natasha and Steve together up till this morning when you saw Bucky. 

You knew you had run away from the problem, you had not dealt with it. You had not dealt with the Steve issue, and the Natasha issue, and the fact that you had uprooted your whole life to move halfway across the world.   
You had run away, you hadn't dealt with any of the feelings and emotions that came with that situation. You hadn't even dealt with your breakup. You shoved it aside and threw yourself into your work. 

Now seeing Bucky again, you were suddenly feeling all those real raw emotions and you felt like you were cracking again. Cracking like when Luke had left you, this time it felt worse.   
You did love Steve, very much in fact and Natasha was like your sister, and their blatant betrayal should have hurt so much more than you had allowed it to.   
And then suddenly you were sitting on the floor, hugging your knees to your chest, sobbing your heart out. Two years later, and you had finally cracked, and everything you had hidden away for so long came crashing over you like a tidal wave. 

There was an unexpected knock on the front door, that drew you out of your disheveled crying daze. You quickly wiped your face and went to investigate who it was.   
When you opened the door, you came face to face with Bucky.   
He stood before you, looking slightly disoriented, and he smelled like alcohol. His hair was messy and his eyes wild as he looked over you. 

“Bucky,” You began but he didnt give you a chance to finish your sentence. His lips were crashing against yours, his arms wrapping around your waist as he lifted you up. You immediately wrap your arms around his neck and melt into his fervent embrace. It felt like the safest place in the world to you, it was everything you had needed and craved in the last two years.   
His scent, his touch, the feel of his lips. It set your body alight. He stumbled into the house with you in his arms, not breaking the kiss as he kicked the door shut behind him.   
He slammed against a wall in the foyer, his mouth becoming more desperate against yours. Both of you just wanting skin to skin contact with each other and your ripped each others clothes off, and stumbled into the living room.   
The two of you barely made it to the couch, as you tumbled to the wooden floor in palpable electric, ecstatic, coitus. It was sweet and long and everything both of you had wanted, it was I love you fucking, it was I missed you kissing and most of all it was I need you love making.


	16. Baby don't hurt me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised the next chapter is hereeeee!! I hope you guys enjoy it! There are a few ups and lot's of downs in this chapter! 
> 
> So drop me some feedback! I fucking love your comments!!

You awoke a couple of hours later, after spending the night with Bucky. The two of you had moved to the bedroom, and made love for the second time that night before falling asleep blissfully in each others arms.  
Not a word was spoken between the two of you the entire time, you let your bodies do the talking.  
It was still dark outside when you awoke, Bucky was still sleeping peacefully your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around you holding you flush to him. You slowly shift out of his embrace, and get out of the bed. He shifts slightly but doesn't wake up, you look down at him as you pulled on your silk night robe and smile. He was even more handsome than you had remembered, even in his sleep. 

Quietly you slip out of the room and head to the kitchen, you need a cup of tea and some fresh air. But most of all you need to process what just happened.   
The last thing you needed was to be the other woman in someone else's relationship, and you felt bad for Sasha. She didn't deserve what you had just done.   
After making a cup of tea you headed back upstairs where you were lost in thought sitting on the balcony in your bedroom when Bucky quietly sat down onto the couch beside you. 

“Hey you.” He said softly, slipping his arms around your waist.

“Hey Buck.” You smiled at him. 

“So we should talk huh?” Bucky said, with a sigh. 

You just nodded, and waited for him to talk first. 

Bucky sighed, brushed his hair back with the palm of his hand. He seemed tired, and resigned for some reason. 

“Two years Y/N...you left for two years, not a word, not an email, nothing.” Bucky said, “I wanted you to come home, I wanted to know how to take away whatever pain you were in, all I wanted was to make sure you were okay, happy, healthy. That is all I have ever wanted.” 

“Bucky,” You began but he cut you off,

“Just let me finish, or I might chicken out on saying this.” He said quickly and you waited for him to proceed. 

“Natasha hurt you, she hurt you in the worst possible way. And I can understand you never forgiving her. Hell, I don't know If I could ever forgive her, but we are the Godparents of her kids, whom have grown up wonderfully by the way.” Bucky said. You remain silent and let him continue even though you wanted to interrupt him. “You can’t keep running away from everything sweetheart, eventually you are going to have to face everything that hurts you and you have to allow it not to destroy you. You have to talk to Natasha, and to Steve and even to Luke, you have to let all the hurt go, you can’t lock it away anymore.” 

Bucky was quiet for a moment then continued, “You have to move on from all of it and stop running, because well, I’m tired of running after you.” 

When he was done he looked at you, waiting for your response. You sighed deeply, Bucky had a point, you had spent your whole life running away from your problems. It was how you dealt with them, not a very mature way but hey it worked for you. 

“I’m sorry i left without saying goodbye, and for everything else that happened, with Steve and the accident.” You said, “And I guess you’re right, we have made a lot of mistakes, mostly me, it’s time I owned up to them, and faced this shitstorm.” 

“So where does that leave us?” You asked him, 

“You know how I feel about you.” He said softly, his blue eyes met yours, “I have always loved you, maybe in a different way before but when Natasha and I broke up all those years ago. I knew…” his voice trailed of and he raked his fingers through his dark hair, 

“But what about Sasha?” You asked, 

Bucky sighed, “I care for Sasha. I really do, but truth is my feelings for you are never going to change. I will always be in love with you. After everything, it’s you...It’s always been you.” He cupped the side of your face, lightly brushing his thumb across your cheek. 

You knew you loved Bucky too, deep down you probably always did but never did anything about it because of your friendship with Natasha. Now that, that was most likely over or in limbo, you could finally let those feelings out. 

“I love you…” You said softly, “I truly do, but I can’t be responsible for you and Sasha breaking up Bucky. I think you and I somehow always end up here, in bed together, I don't know why, whenever we are already in relationships and it's not a healthy way for us to start whatever between us.” 

Bucky sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. He knew you were right, 

“I think maybe we should pause whatever this is, and when we’re both single and in a better head space we can give us a try?” You suggested, and Bucky’s head snapped up and he looked at you surprised. 

“Wait seriously?” He asked, trying to hide the excitement in his voice. 

“Yes, and who knows maybe i’ll be back in New York sometime and we can talk then.” You replied, 

Bucky didn't reply instead he pulled you towards him and kissed you deeply. It felt so natural, so right when he did it. You knew you were a long way from ever fixing anything in your life and it was time to start trying, no just for Bucky but for yourself. You had two years worth of healing to do. 

“So where does Sasha think you are?” You ask after, you broke the kiss for air. 

“Out, getting drunk somewhere I guess, I don't know. She left with her friends last night, didn’t really say much.” He replied, shrugging nonchalantly. 

You just shook your head and stood up, heading back inside with Bucky following shortly after. 

THREE MONTHS LATER. 

You opened the door to your old apartment, and stepped inside. Your mother had moved out of it almost a year ago, so it had remained unoccupied for eleven months. There were white dust sheets over the furniture, and the you could see the dust particles swirling in the air as you walked in.   
It quiet and empty and feels lonely, you place your few bags down as the driver came up with the rest of them.   
You walk through to the bedroom and draw back the curtains letting the warm fall sunlight into the room, and pull off the dust sheet off the bed, letting it fall to the floor.   
Seeing the bed just reminded you off all the nights spent with Steve, cuddling, kissing talking beneath the covers. 

You sighed and walked back out into the living room, the driver had just brought up the last of your bags. You thanked him, and tipped him. And when he left you were left in the quiet, dusty apartment filled with memories of your past life. 

A couple of hours later, and you were half way done unpacking your many many bags. You had opened all the windows and tried to dust off the place as much as you could, in the morning you would call a cleaning service to help do the rest of the work. 

You had spent half the day, calling to reconnect all the services in your apartment, water, electricity, wifi. The rest of the day you took to rearranging your home, for no more reasons than you had to change it up. 

By the evening you were putting up all your old frames, pictures of you and Bucky, Sam, and even Natasha. You haven't spoken to her in years but she was still a huge part of ehr past.   
As you put up the last photo, a picture of Natasha and Bruce’s twins that Bucky had given you, they were already two years old and were extraordinarily cute, the doorbell rang. 

You weren't expecting anyone, no one even knew you were back yet. So you apprehensively made your way to the front door, to see who it was. 

“Bruce!” You exclaimed when you opened the door. Bruce stood at the door with the twins in the stroller, both who were eagerly bouncing in the stroller, ready to exit it. 

“Welcome back Y/N.” Bruce said, giving you a tight hug. 

You ushered him inside, excitedly picking up Jonathan as you did do. The boys had grown up so much since you had last seen them, they were walking and talking already and they were almost identical to Bruce.   
You thank your lucky stars they they looked like Bruce, because if they hadn't you wouldn't have thought they were his 

“How did you know I was back?” You asked, as the two of you too a seat on the couch, while the twins ran around the apartment, squealing and banging everything. 

“Stark, he mentioned you took the Ultron project.” Bruce explained, “I’m glad you did, it’s going tobe good having you back in the lab with us.” 

“Yeah, i figured it was time to come home.” You said, smiling at him. It would be nice to work at Stark Industries again, and you did miss this city. 

“It was time, you missed out on these two growing up. We all missed you,” Bruce said, 

“I know, I’m sorry Bruce, It was just better for me to get away. I needed to clear my head.” You replied, 

Bruce sighed, “I know what happened Y/N.” he said after a moment of silence, 

And your heart jumped, you were going to have this conversation with him eventually. You never wanted to hurt Bruce or break up his family by telling him about Natasha and Steve, and you had carried the burden of it for two years. 

“How?” You asked, nervously. 

“Natasha told me, or rather she confessed a year after you had left.” Bruce sighed deeply, “At first I was furious but I knew I had to take myself out of the equation and had to do what was best for the twins.” he paused and looked at his sons now playing near the couch, with their toys. “Nat and I divorced this passed summer, we tried to reconcile but the truth just isn't there anymore.” he said,

“Fuck…” You breathed, “Bruce I am so sorry, I wanted to tell you, but I just I couldn't ruin your family.” 

“I know, you were trying to do the right thing. I wish you would have come to me though.” Bruce replied, there was kindness in his voice that surprised you. “Nat and I are on good terms though, I don’t hate her, she will always be the love of my life and the mother of my children, but sometimes if you love someone, the best thing is not to be with them.” 

“I’m glad to hear that.” You say, “How’s she doing?” 

“Nat is good, she’s in Paris on business till tomorrow, I don't know if you want to see her, but I’m sure she would love to see you. I know she did a horrible horrible thing to you, but maybe talk to her?” Bruce said,

“I do want to see her actually.” You replied, and a surprised look flits across Bruce’s face but then he smiles. 

“How are you managing with the twins and the divorce though?” You asked again, 

“It’s been normal. Nat gets them 3 days a week, I get them 4. And you’ll be amazed to hear but Bucky has been really hands on with the godfathering, he takes them at least once a week, gives us a break.” Bruce said, picking up Ronan who was trying to climb into his arms. 

You laughed, “Bucky babysits?!”   
“Yes, that playboy has finally seemed to settle down.” Bruce chuckled, 

“Wow, I leave for two years and suddenly the upper east sides biggest bachelor is settling down.” You joked, 

“Oh no, no I meant Bucky is calmed down with the partying, he’s single.” Bruce added. This information made your heart race, but you tried not to let it show. 

“Well would you and my god sons like to have dinner with me? A long overdue catch up?” You ask, standing up. 

“I think that would be the best way to end our day.” Bruce replied, scooping up his boys in his arms. 

And the rest of the evening you spent with Bruce and the twins. And it was the happiest you had felt in a very long time. 

_____________________________

Two days later and you were finally settled back into your home. You had done a full refurnish of the place, getting rid of the bed, the couches and any item that you had sex with Steve on. You couldn't get rid of the kitchen but you had finally had enough and decided to get a contractor in to rip the whole place apart, you wanted a change a drastic change. 

It was Saturday morning when Sam came over for breakfast with a surprise guest in tow. 

“Sammyyyy!” You sand excitedly as you raced to the front door to open it, you flung it open and your excitement fell slightly when you saw Bucky standing next to him. Looking as devastatingly handsome as ever, with his usual eat shit grin on his face. 

“Bucky! Sam!” Your excitement back, as you flung yourself against them, pulling them both into a hug. 

“Hey Y/N.” Sam chuckled as you hugged them tight;y. Bucky didn't say anything but he had wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you closer than necessary. 

“Come on, lets go get food.” You say stepping back from them, and heading back inside to grab your purse. 

“I thought we were eating here?” Sam asked, 

But before you could answer the two of them stopped when they saw the state of your kitchen and the multiple construction workers ripping it apart.   
“Wha-What the hell are you doing?” Bucky asked his face was shocked and slightly distraught, “That is Italian marble Y/N!” he exclaimed, 

“Oh is it.” You say looking around, “it’s just a kitchen.” you shrugged

“Yeah who cares, it's just tiles.” Sam Said, agreeing with you.

“No, you uncultured buffoon, it's a priceless marble.” Bucky said, he seemed distraught by what she was doing. 

“Well Steve fucked me in the kitchen every sunday morning and i didnt want any reminders so I am ripping it apart.” You said nonchalantly, this response took both Bucky and Sam by surprise and none of them knew what to say.   
This was the reaction you wanted, and you laughed at their faces, “Shall we go eat now?” You say.

Both men just nodded and followed you out of the apartment. 

The morning you spent with Sam and Bucky made you realise just how much you had missed them. You went for breakfast to Sarabeth’s your favorite breakfast place, then found a bar nearby to drink at. It was noon and the three of you were already tipsy. Reminiscing on your college days.   
Bucky say beside you, his arm over the back of your chair as he leaned closer to you. Am had gone to get more drinks from the bar,

“You look amazing.” he murmured, tilting his head as he looked over you, slightly biting his lip.

“Bucky, stop.” You warned him, “We’re getting drunk and we’re not doing this.” you motioned between the two of you. 

“Doing what?” he replied, an amused look in his eyes. He knew what he was doing, and he was doing it on purpose 

“You’re the fucking worst.” You said, hitting his on the shoulder playfully. It was an innocent flirt but it meant something more to both of you. Bucky just laughed. 

“So how was Geneva?” Sam asked you as he came back to the table with more drinks and a tray of tequila shots. 

“It was great, I loved it there.” you replied, “Stark got me this huge house, which was amazing, right by the lake.” 

“It was nice.” Bucky mused, and Sam looked at him in surprise then back at you and he narrowed his eyes. 

“Ah fuck you two fucked again didn't you!” Sam exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically,

“Oh my god Sam!” you hissed as a few people looked at the table, you blushed with embarrassment. 

“How long ago? Was this when you went on that ‘Business trip’ to Europe?” Sam asked, ait quoting ‘Business trip’. “But you took Sasha with you, weren’t you going to... unless oh wait, god dammit Bucky!” he said giving Bucky an annoyed look, 

“Shut up Sam,” Bucky said pointing a finger at him, he clearly didn't want Sam to say something. 

“Weren’t you going to what?” You asked Bucky, 

“Nothing. Sam’s drunk.” Bucky replied, glaring at Sam. 

“Oh just tell her,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. 

“Tell me what?” You asked again, more confused than ever. 

Bucky sighed and reached for a tequila shot. He downed one, and then two and then three before he looked pointedly at Sam who had a smug expression on his face, then he looked at you. 

“Firstly, you were never supposed to find out about this. So thanks Sam and I am only telling you this because I am a little drunk right now.” Bucky threw Sam a filthy look then he continued, “Before you got engaged to Steve, that night we spent together?” He said, and you nodded remembering the night clearly. “Yeah well I bought a ring the next day, for you and I was going to give it to you when I came to your lab but then I obviously saw the ring Steve gave you and yeah.” 

“What…” You said, stunned. “You were going to propose to me?”

Bucky sighed again, “yes in hindsight it was a stupid idea but anyway that’s not the point. The point is I kept the stupid thing, and it inscribed. Your birthday gift? The photo of us at Nat’s wedding?” You nodded knowing the inscription. “Yeah well, Sasha had seen that photo in your home that day we came over and when we got back to New York somehow she found the stupid ring and thought it was for her and then she saw the inscription and realized it wasn't for her and I guess she put two and two together and I had to tell her what happened between us in Geneva and then we broke up.” 

“But wait, what were you going to do in Geneva?” You asked, flabbergasted by this whole story. 

“I was going to move there for you or to convince you to move in with me, I don’t know.” He sighed, 

And Sam burst out laughing, and somehow you started laughing as well. Bucky just glared at the two of you. It was the most insane thing you had ever heard of, the grandest of gestures and of course it would come from James Buchanan Barnes, the king of being dramatic but you loved him for it anyway. 

“How did you know I would say yes?” You said, still laughing at him. 

Bucky just shook his head and continued to glare at you and Sam. “I don't know I was trying to be romantic!” 

This made you both laugh more, and this time Bucky started laughing as well. “Ah I love you James Buchanan Barnes.” You said, wiping away the tears that had fallen from laughter. 

Bucky and Sam stopped laughing at looked at you, Sam looked a little shocked, but Bucky grinned at you and then suddenly he leaned over and kissed you. The kiss took you by surprise, but you leaned into it anyway cupping his face with your hands. 

“Boooo!” Sam heckled throwing peanuts at the two of you, “Get a room, this is gross.”

Bucky kept kissing you until Sam practically pried your faces apart, “I hate the two of you.” Sam sighed, chugging his beer. 

You laughed at him, and chugged your drink as well as Bucky kept kissing your face just to annoy Sam. Just then a soft voice interrupted the three of you, 

“Hey guys…”, all three of you looked up. It was Natasha, and your heart practically stopped. 

All three of you stared at her wide eyed. “H-hey Nat.” Sam said breaking the ice and standing up to greet her. 

“Hey Bucky,” Nat said, greeting him as well and then she took a seat opposite you. 

She looked nervous, this was the first time you were seeing her since the night you left Steve’s apartment. Your heart was thumping in your chest and you left Bucky’s hand on your thigh, he gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Hi.” She says   
“Hi.” Your reply cold. 

Sam and Bucky both shifted uncomfortably in their seats. The tension in the air was palpable, you wanted to say something but you refused to be the first person to speak. 

“I am so sorry…” Natasha whispered, tears rapidly forming in her eyes. 

“Not good enough.” Was your only reply, you leaned back and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“I wish I could take it back.” She said, 

“Why?” You asked, 

“It just happened.” Nat replied,

“Bullshit, how long?” You spat, feeling yourself getting angry. 

“After the twins were born.” Nat said, hanging her head in shame. 

You were stunned quiet. You didn't know what to say, Nat and Steve were sleeping around behind your back for months and you never knew. “Why?” You whispered, feeling the tears threatening to fall. 

“I...It was all just too much, just over night I was suddenly a mother of twins, and Bruce was stifling me and I just couldn't handle it all. And Steve was there, one night, I came to see you but you were working and we got talking and it just happened and I am so so eternally sorry, I wish i could take it Back Y/N. I am sorry.” Natasha said, her words moving rapidly. 

“So you fuck my fiance?” you replied incredulously, “Because you were stifled?!” 

“I’m sorry” Natasha whispered again, 

Suddenly you felt the rage bubble over and you reached across the table and slapped her as hard as you could. This stunned all three of them, Natasha’s hand flew to her face in surprise, Sam moving to put his arm between the two of you in case you threw another hit and Bucky immediately grabbed your hand. 

“Hey hey.” He said quickly, trying to calm you down. You shoved him away and began to storm off but Natasha stood up and blocked your path. 

“Y/N please, I don’t expect you to forgive me right away but please, I am sorry. I miss you and I hate myself for what I have done. Just please say you will forgive me.” Nat pleaded. 

You looked at her, you wanted to forgive her but every time you looked at her, all you saw was Steve making out with her and grabbing her ass. “Nat, I don't know if I could ever forgive you for what you did, or be friends with you ever again.” You said coldly, “But I’m glad I finally know how much our friendship was worth to you, I hope the sex was at least worth it.” 

Natasha suddenly looked angry, “And what about you?!” She demanded, “You slept with Bucky!” 

“Excuse me?” You said disbelievingly, “How is that the same thing?!” 

Natasha looked at Bucky, “You never told her did you?” She said to him 

“Natasha don’t.” Bucky said, his voice desperate. 

“What didn't he tell me?” You asked looking between the two of them, Bucky’s eyes seemed to be pleading with Natasha. 

Then she turned back to you. “Bucky left me for you Y/N. All those years ago, he said he was in love with you, he dumped me because he loved you more than he loved me. And I forgave you and I forgave him” Natasha said bitterly. 

You mouth fell open in surprise, and you looked at Bucky in utter disbelief. 

“What…” was all that you could muster.


	17. A moment in time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all these years, can you and Bucky finally work things out? Can you forgive Natasha and Steve? Is there a happy ending for you in store after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay after a VERY long hiatus on this fic, we are back with the FINAL chapter! Not to worry though, I have another AU fic coming your way soon! This has a happy ending I promise and it wraps everything up in a nice little bow!
> 
> Enjoy!!

You were stunned by what Natasha had said, you just stared at all three of them.Your head spinning at Natasha’s revelation. 

“Is that true?” You asked, turning to Bucky. 

“It doesn't matter now,” He started saying, 

“It matters to me Bucky!” You exclaimed.

Bucky sighed, “Yes, okay. I broke up with Natasha because of my feelings for you.”

You looked back at Natasha, and suddenly you had felt guilty. All those years, she hadn't said anything to you about Bucky's feelings. She could have , so many times. She could have said something when she found out you slept with him. 

“Why didn't you say anything?” You asked her softly. 

Nat sighed and sat down at the table once more. “You were my best friend, what was I going to say to you without ruining all of our friendships?” She said, “It's not like I could be like, oh hey Y/N, Bucky left me because he's in love with you. Have a nice life.” 

You took a seat beside Bucky again, you didn't know what to say. You were mad at Bucky for this, but you also knew it wasn't anyone’s fault really. 

“Is that why you slept with Steve? To get back at me?” You asked, 

Nat looked down at her hands, looking ashamed. “At first yes, but then it turned into something more and before we knew it, it was out of our hands.” she replied.

Beside you Bucky scoffed at her answer, it was a stupid answer but you chose to accept it.

“Are you still with him?” You asked.

Natasha kept quiet for a moment, and then nodded slowly. She looked absolutely miserable, and you felt a small twinge of guilt.

“Are you in love with him?” You ask.

“Yes.” Nat replied, 

“What about Bruce? And your kids?” 

“I can’t help the way I feel!” Nat exclaimed, she looked so close to tears and Sam shook his head, 

“Why didn’t you just tell Y/N?” Sam asked Bucky, “Both of you are in the wrong here.” he said pointing to Bucky and Nat. 

“She was with Luke at the time, and then he left you and it didn't feel right to tell you then, and when you were finally ready to start dating again, you found golden boy Steve Rogers and I missed my window again.” Bucky said, 

“I am so sorry Y/N, please believe me. I know I fucked up by wanting to hurt you over Bucky, and I know you had no idea but please you have to believe me when I say I wish I could take it all back.” Nat pleaded. 

You held your head in your hands, feeling a little faint from all the revelations taking place. 

“I think, I need some air.” You said standing up, 

“I’ll come with you.” Bucky offered, 

“No, Uhm I think i need to be alone, I’m sorry guys.” You replied, picking up your belongings. Then saying goodbye to them, you left the bar, needing to clear your head and hit the refresh button on this entire day. 

****

Two weeks, that's how long it took you to get over Natasha's confession. You avoided Natasha, Bucky, Sam, all of them. You couldn’t even see Bruce. 

Returning back to work was easier than you thought it would be. You lost yourself in your work. Tony had moved your lab a few floors up, and you hand an entirely new team to work on the Ultron project with. It was a welcomed change of scenery for you. 

You had been going over that day in your head day after day. Bucky left Natasha for you and she knew, she knew for almost 5 years and said nothing. It was so wrong, but Natasha had kept that from you to save your friendship. 

Was it right? You couldn't decide. All this information was hammering around inside your head. After everything you went through with Luke and Steve, were you even ready to move on after what Steve and Natasha did. 

Your work day was ending, it was rapidly darkening outside as sunset approached.   
You sighed irritably, and sat down in your office. Picking up your phone you scrolled through your contacts finding the number you were looking for and hit call. 

“Y/N?” Bucky’s voice sounded on the other end of the receiver.

“Can we talk?” You asked, not bothering with pleasantries.

“Yes. Come over?” He immediately replied. 

“Okay, I’ll be there in 20.” then you hung up. Quickly gathering up your belongings you headed out of the Stark Tower and hailed a cab. 

When you had arrived at Bucky’s building, your heart began to race for some reason. You had been thinking about this situation all the way there and the more you thought about it, you had no idea what you wanted to say to him. As you made your way into the building and into the elevator, you wring your hands nervously. Your heart thumping in your chest. 

Bucky was already at the elevator waiting for you the moment you stepped out. He hesitates when he sees you, he doesnt know how to react or what to say. 

“Hey you.” Bucky said softly, he looks like he wants to hug you but he doesn't. 

“Hey Buck.” You replied. 

He steps aside and the two of you walk into his apartment, it has changed in the last two years. Everything seems different, out of place. 

“You changed your place.” You mused as you looked around, the two of you walking through his massive apartment. 

“Yeah my mom did.” He replied with a smile. “She went a little crazy when I was away.” 

The two of you take a seat in the kitchen, as you always did. It was like an old habit that never died. Sitting in the kitchen as Bucky sets about making you hot chocolate, he never forgot how you liked it. He places the mug in front of you and takes a seat opposite you. You look down at the mug, it's got marshmallows and cream just the way you like it. 

You look at him and smiled at the memories this brought back to you. “Thank you.” You said, cupping the mug, enjoying its warmth. 

“So, what’d you want to talk about?” Bucky asked, a little nervously. 

You take a sip of the hot chocolate, savoring the taste of the hot chocolate, as you thought about what you wanted to say. 

“I have been thinking about everything, repeatedly and as much as I can’t wrap my head around all this. The last five years, my life has been one messed up event after another but, there’s one thing I keep coming back to.” You said, slowly. 

Bucky waits, expectantly for you to finish. 

“Its you” You said, looking at him. “Somehow we keep finding ourselves right here again, It’s been the same cycle again and again. And maybe I’ve been to blind to it all and yes some stuff has happened that can’t be undone and it’s hurt a lot of people and I am still mad at you for breaking up with Natasha for me, you hurt all of us by doing what you did.” 

“I…” Bucky tried to say but you shush him, 

“Wait, let me just get all this out.” You cut him off, he nodded and waited for you to proceed.

“So much could have been avoided if you just spoke to me, years ago Bucky. But fine, we’re moving passed all that. We are in different places in our lives now, and I know what I want, the question is whether you want the same things I do.I guess what I am saying is it’s taken us a while to get to this point but I think I’m ready to jump off this cliff with you. If you are in this, I’m in this with you, So what do you want Bucky?” You finished and waited for his response.

Bucky was quiet for a moment, “I want you. I have always wanted you, from the moment I fell in love with you all those years ago, that’s all I wanted. Why do you think I stayed all these years? I wanna jump with you Y/N, it’s all I want.” was all he said. “I have waited for this for longer than you will ever know.” He stood up and came over to you, cupping your face in his hands, he rests his forehead against yours. 

“Oh thank god.” You sighed with a quick laugh, “For a moment I thought you were going to say no.” 

Bucky smiled and kisses you slowly and softly. “Why would I say no?” He said breaking the kiss. 

“I don’t know, because it’s you, you indecisive fool.” You laughed softly. 

“I have never been indecisive about you,” He kisses you again, “I have always been on hundred percent sure of how I felt about you.” He murmured,

“And how do you feel, James?” You said softly. 

“Fuck, I love you.” He murmurs against your mouth. You wraps your arms around his waist and pull him toward you, deepening the kiss. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, just kissing, it was endearing. 

****

The next morning, you wake up in Bucky’s bed. His arms tightly wrapped around your naked waist, he was laying beside you, sleeping peacefully. Shifting slightly you turn toward him and sleepily kiss his jaw, relishing the comfort it brought you. 

“G’morning.” He sighs, tightening his hold on you and breathing in your scent. 

“Hi” You murmured, Bucky leans down and kisses your jaw, trailing kisses down your neck and collarbone. 

“What are you up to?” You giggle as his hands roam across your shoulders, neck and down to your waist. 

“I’m memorising this moment.” He said softly, as he trails his mouth over the outline of your collarbone kissing the skin softly when he stops. Bucky shifts suddenly, and gets on top of you, between your legs. So that his face hovers above yours. 

In the early morning sun, his messy hair and blue eyes absolutely take your breath away. Bucky smiled at you before capturing your mouth in a kiss. Its slow and fervent. When he breaks the kiss, he chuckled softly,

“What?” You asked. 

“After all this time, I still get butterflies kissing you.” He said, 

You burst out laughing, “James Buchanan Barnes you absolute corny ass.” You laughed, shoving him off you. Bucky fell to his side of the bed with a laugh.

“What, I’m a fool in love, and I can finally shout it out. Let me live.” He said, with a grin. 

You rolled your eyes, and moved to get out of the bed. “Hey, where are you going?” Bucky asked, grabbing your wrist. 

“I’m hungry, also I have a few things I need to do today.” You replied, swatting his hand away from yours. 

“But, I want to stay in bed.” Bucky grumbled, sitting up as well. 

“I have a job Bucky.” You laughed, and picked up his discarded t-shirt from the floor and pulling it on, covering up your nakedness. 

“Skip it.” He said, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and making his way over to where you stood. 

“Uh no, I have to work to afford to live Bucky.” You said, as the two of you walked towards the kitchen together, his massive apartment was quiet, and still in the early hours of the morning. 

Bucky sighed, and intertwined his fingers with yours, pulling you closer to him. “Just move in here.” 

You stopped and turned to him, Bucky continued to walk into the kitchen but then stopped when he noticed you stopped walking 

“What?” He asked, looking confused.

“Did you just ask me to move in with you?” You asked feeling a little bewildered.

Bucky rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen, “I don’t know why you’re acting so surprised.” He said, as he set about taking out items from the fridge for breakfast. “Of course I want you to live with me.” 

You walked up to him, and without hesitation you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, Bucky was holding a tray of eggs in his hands when you did this and he lost balance of it, and it fell to the ground. Both of you breaking the kiss when this happened, you looked down at the mess of cracked eggs on the floor and then back at him. 

“I guess we’re going out for breakfast.” he sighed with a chuckle, before he pulled you in for another kiss. You couldn’t help but giggle as he did so. 

****

Later that day, you were sat at a coffee shop on 5th Avenue, nervously tapping your fingers on the wooden table. Natasha had reached out to you and since you had finally worked things out with Bucky you decided it was time to move forward with your other relationships, you couldnt spend your whole life running from the past. 

The waitress came over and brought you a cup of coffee with a smile. As soon as she set it down you saw Natasha and Steve walk into the coffee shop. Steve wore a baseball cap and sunglasses, obviously trying to hide his identity. 

You were silent as they took a seat opposite you in the booth. 

“Hey.” Steve said, offering you a small smile. 

You just nodded at him, in the years that you had broken up with him, he was still so devastatingly handsome it hurt. 

“Hi.” Nat greeted you, 

“Hey.” was your curt reply.   
You waited as the two of them placed their order with the waitress, and when their orders had arrived you sat in a sullen silence, your heart pounding in your chest as you thought of something to say. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve suddenly said, breaking the silence. You looked up at him, waiting for him to continue. He of all people had the most apologizng to do. 

“I fucked up so badly, and I can’t say I’m sorry enough, I know its been years and you probably still hate me.” He said, 

“I don’t hate you.” You interrupted, “I don’t hate either of you.” You looked at Natasha as well. “You two did the shittiest thing anyone could ever do, but I forgive you, i shouldn’t forgive you but I do. I’m moving on from that past, from all that hurt and damage that you two caused.” you suddenly felt like you were going to cry, so you stopped for a moment to gather yourself. 

“I just have to know why Steve?” You asked him, “Why did you want to marry me when you were fucking my best friend?” 

Steve looked down at his hands, and sighed. “I loved you, i really did. I wanted to marry you, i thought…” He paused and looked at Natasha then back at you, “I thought if we got married whatever feelings Natasha and I had for each other would go away, and I could focus on being a good husband to you but...well we all know how much of an asshole I am.” He sighed. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve repeated. 

“Thats it? That’s the reason you wanted to marry me?” You asked, bewildered. “You absolute fucking idiot.” 

“That I deserve.” Steve said, his gaze not meeting yours. 

Nat who had been silent this entire time finally spoke up. “I am so sorry Y/N, i truly am. You know why and what happened, I don’t expect you to be okay with us right away…” 

“I will never be okay with you and Steve being together Nat, but I can’t be a hypocrite in this situation” You took a deep breath, “Because Bucky and I are trying to work things out, I think it would be best… for now if we all just stayed out of each others lives.” You said.

“No Y/N, please that’;s not what I want,” Nat said, almost pleadingly. 

“Natasha…” You sighed, “You have to understand where I am coming from, there’s too many lies, and secrets and other bullshit. Our friendship was over the moment I saw you with Steve two years ago.” 

“I miss you so much.” She said softly, looking down at the mug in her hands. 

“Yeah well you should have thought of that before you stole my fiance, babe.” You muttered, shaking your head. 

Steve and Natasha looked at you, you could see they were apologetic and you couldn’t deny you wanted to be Natashas’ friend again. You missed her terribly but there was just too much hurt whenever you saw them. And Steve, well he fucked up, he was your ex now. What he and Natasha did, was no longer your business. You didn’t want him in your life, because every time you looked at him you were reminded of the love you felt for him and how he shattered it. 

“So, this is it then?” Nat asked, tears in her eyes. 

“Yes,” You replied, “I hope you two are happy together, I truly do. I want you to be happy Nat, and If Steve is who makes you happy then… I am glad you are together.” You gave her a small smile even though it killed you to say that to her. 

Nat looked up at you, “Don’t say that, because that just makes me feel worse.” She said. Steve shifted in his seat, he looked uncomfortable as well. 

“Well, I can’t tell you how to fell. I am sincere in what I am saying.” You said shrugging. “I’ll always be around for your sons Nat,but you and I … that is going to take time.” 

Natasha nodded, and you stood up. The conversation was quick, concise and to the point. The way you wanted it to be. 

“Goodbye Steve,” You said looking at him, “Goodbye Natasha.” 

Before they could even respond, you walked away from the table. And when you stepped out of the coffee shop, you felt as if a huge burden had been lifted off your shoulders, like you were stepping out into a whole new world.   
****

Two years later. 

“Are you ready?” Bucky asked, slipping his arms around your waist and placing a kiss on your neck. 

“Yes.” You instantly replied, with a smile. 

“You look absolutely stunning.” Bucky murmured, turning you around so he could kiss you on the lips.   
“You don’t look half bad yourself.” You said, pulling back, “Stop kissing me, you’re going to take off all my lipstick.” You giggled. 

“Fine,” He grumbled then kissed your neck instead and running his hands down the sides of your body. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” You said, sighing and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“I wanted to tell you something.” He said, pulling back slightly and looking down at you with those starlight blue eyes of his. 

“Before we go and stand in front of all our friends and family and profess our undying love for each other,” He chuckled slightly, “I wanted to tell you just how much I love you, and will always love you.” He kissed you softly, “You are the best part of me and always have been, and no matter what the rest of our lives bring, one thing I am certain of is that I will never stop loving you, and trying to make you happy” Bucky smiled at you and you felt your heart flutter, 

“I love you too James Buchanan Barnes.” You replied, choked with emotion. This moment after everything that had happened in your life was one you had probably been waiting for, forever. 

“Oh and I’ll never stop wanting to have sex with you,” He added with a laugh, and tried to unzip the back of your soft silk dress. 

“Bucky…!” You laughed, pushing him away, “My dress!”

“God, can we just get this over with so I can take this dress off you.” Bucky groaned, 

“Well that’s no way to start our wedding.” You rolled your eyes at him. 

Bucky chuckled, “Well it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding and I’ve already broken that rule so what have we got to lose.” He murmured bringing his lips close to yours again. 

Before you could say anything, His mother and yours came bustling into the room followed by his sister. 

“James Buchanan Barnes!” His mother exclaimed, coming over and swatting him repeatedly with her hand, “Dont you know its bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!” 

“Get out!” Rebecca exclaimed dragging him but the arm out of the room, Bucky laughed and winked at you as they led him out. 

“See you at the Altar, beautiful.” He called out, as your mom shut the door in his face and you couldn’t help but laugh.

The three women all turned to face you, and you stopped laughing. “You two never really were once for tradition.” Your mom said, coming over and giving you a hug.

“You look beautiful dear,” Bucky’s mom said, 

“Let’s get you married then shall we?” Rebecca said with a grin. 

You just nodded eagerly, ready to get this all over with and become Bucky’s wife. Officially.


End file.
